Bad feelings are one part of what sucks about this world. Good feelings are the other. Because the good stuff is what can get taken from you, the rug that gets pulled out from under you. A warming feeling that, once it's gone, leaves you out in the...
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C A R L
I was only a child when I first learned how to shoot a gun.
Although pretty early on, it was still an appropriate time for me to handle the weapon, as I'd already been shot by one. And I needed to learn how to prevent that from happening again.
Shooting a gun wasn't scary. Being shot by one wasn't too scary, either. Though I didn't remember much about it, besides the pain.
What I do remember about it all, is my motivation.
At the time, we'd settled on a farm. It was where we ended up after I'd gotten shot, while searching for Sophia.
She was the first of my many different motivations. It meant so much to everybody—finding her.
Little Carl just wanted to get out of that bed and help out with the search, just like the adults did. I didn't care much about my injury. I was just focused on what I'd be able to do to help, once I was fully healed.
It was then that I developed a new trick to help myself cope with what was happening in my world. Behind every struggle, every injury, every walker—was a finish line. And on the other side of that line was everyone I'd ever loved. Everyone I needed to protect.
And if I messed up—out there in the world—I might never get to cross it, and never get to see them again.
I didn't intentionally try to think of life in this morbid way, but it did keep me from giving up. Time and time again.
But—my hope of having a finish line first shattered once, when I was all alone. Having no one to protect, to motivate me—no one to live for. I was useless to myself. It was then—that night I spent in the soaking, wet barn—that I'd lost hope of ever having someone to cross the finish line for.
Fortunately, I was wrong. Very wrong. And somehow, I found my way back to someone I thought would never be waiting for me on the other side.
Out on that two-week long run, there was only one person getting me through each day as they continued to drag on. She wasthe only one waiting for me at my finish line. And that was more than enough to get me back home safely.
The girl who'd just given me a taste of what I'd been unknowingly craving for a long time. And I so badly wanted to have more of it. I couldn't wait to have her back.
