SamBucky/WinterFalcon Oneshots!

Dear Sam

(Above is legit my favorite meme from FATWS, every time I see it I laugh. Anyway, enjoy this chapter!)

3rd Person POV

"Maybe you should write down how you feel instead of internalizing everything," His therapist told him, not knowing Bucky been doing that ever since he got Steve's journal.

Bucky felt guilty even looking at the remnants of Steve's past, looking into his thoughts and confusions, looking into what was on his mind in the 21rst century. He felt as if he were disgracing the book, the artifacts of Steve's memory, but writing in it. But he did, and often. More often than Steve ever did. He wrote about moments when he'd actually felt he had a positive outlook for the future, as well as the darker days and nights where memories plagued his waking and sleeping hours.

But then he had helped Sam fight the Flagsmashers, and his mind felt more free than it ever had before. He felt like he was doing what he should, what was right, using his strength as best he can. And for Sam...gosh he couldn't stop thinking about him. Late into the nights, when he couldn't sleep, when he needed some peace and quiet in his mind, he thought about Sam.

So eventually this culminated into Bucky writing notes he'd never send to Sam, expressing how he felt. Warning you now, its very very very very gay.

First entry:
Dear Sam,

Hey. Hi. Hello. Fuck, I'm bad at this. I would write letters back in the day and not be awkward but with you, it feels different. With you, it feels like I don't have to hide myself. You're kinda awesome by the way and stuff.

Sincerely,
Bucky Barnes

Third Entry:

Dear Sam,

You had invited me to a big celebratory party with your neighborhood, and I was on top of the world. Not just because they are the kindest community on Earth, but because you were there. The way you looked at me, grinned like you were proud of me, it made my stomach flip. There were many times where I'd catch myself just staring at you and thinking "I'm so lucky to be here right now".  Sam, I almost had a heart attack when you looked at me, so proud and genuinely happy, then chuckled. My heart almost lept out of my chest.

I've never known anyone like you. In all of my years of living I've never seen someone so alive. You are alive, alive, alive, every cell in your body is bursting with energy, so alive. You probably aren't always that positive and caring, everyone is human, but you're always like that around me. It gives me hope, even when it probably shouldn't. I shouldn't hope to be yours...

It's kinda fucked up, isn't it? I'm exactly the opposite of what my past self was supposed to be. I'm very fucking gay instead of straight, I'm fawning over a black man, when I shouldn't even be fawning after men at all. I am glad that this future accepts gay people, holds parades and stuff to celebrate them being alive. If I ever told my past self that I'd be able to date a man in the future, without fear of going to jail or being institutionalized, I'd call myself insane.

But I can marry a guy if I want to, Sam, thats crazy to me. I've tried going on dates, but- and I mean this in a totally non-creepy way- none of them are you. None of them have your kind eyes that captivate me, drawing me in to stare at them for eternity. None of them have your stupid sense of humor, or your delicate brown skin that I want to kiss so so much.