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Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

I went for a jog today. Finally putting back on my running shoes. It's been awhile since I went out for a run. I needed time for myself. I needed to think things through.

College will start in two weeks. I'm pretty nervous but I'm excited. And next week, I'll leave our house and stay over at my Aunt's place because Uni is closer there.

It's pretty nervous on what college will bring. Pero at the same time, it excites me because of the new adventures and new people along the way. It's pretty damn hard pleasing others. But damn, I've learned that by now that you should please yourself first.

I'm a type of person who actually hates everybody. There's no reason to like them anyway. This is how it works, there will always be someone in this world that you just absolutely loath and hate for just no apparent reason, but for me, it's not just "someone", it's everyone. I'm sure that I'm not the most "mabait" person you'll ever meet but I'll always be your "maldita" neighbor that you'll always love to have around. I don't give a damn on what you nor they think. I'm not going to convince everyone to like me because quiet frankly, I don't care and it's none of my business.

There's something about everyone that sets me off. People say that you shouldn't judge other people when you just first met them, but me, no. I basically judge new people kapag first time ko pa lang silang mamemeet. Sometimes I'm wrong with my judgments because their attitude gets better and better along the way and sometimes, I stick with my judgments and just loath those people in my entire life kase I know it's true even though they didn't actually do anything bad to me. Yeah I have my friends and I like them but hating everyone, (not literally hatin', judgmental lang siguro ako because hate is a strong word) is just normal for me. 

I have a very wide circle of friends. I have a variety of friends in my list:

1. Childhood friends, though we're not that close anymore because puberty and environment sucks. Pati lahat naman ng nasa paligid nagbabago. When I was a kid, I used to play a lot. Like a lot. But you won't stay young forever.

2. Elementary friends, we're still intact and shit like that.

3. High school friends, damn high school. Some say that college is the best part. But for me, not. It's a different story. My high school is like, the bomb!

I've gone through so many phases during high school. I've been academic. I've joined different organizationsss, (because it's too many!!!) I've been a rebel. Damn. I am still a rebel. I got drunk. I got wasted. I've been a mess. I've changed path. I started reading books. And I started looking for the reality.

4. Bunny Crew, my skateboarding friends, real shit. Sometimes, there comes a point in my life where I'll just either sit or lay in bed and think, those were the days, man. I've never regretted the experiences I had when I started skateboarding. It's like, these people, these people will give you the right effin' experiences.

During those days, for once in my life, I felt real. I felt happy. I felt accepted. I felt loved. I felt contented in what I do.

These people  will smoke  cigs (but I don't), will smoke weeds (but I don't), will get drunk, will exchange banters nonstop, will talk, will tell problems, will help each other, will fight, will argue, will love and will just skate to let off the good and bad shits in life. 

That's when I realized, this is life. This is what happens everyday. It's the reality of life. That we all suffer from those shits being thrown to us, but we still do something to simply just solve it. You see, our lives are like skateboards, as the skateboard wheels roll, it teaches us that our life should continue. As the skater does his tricks, it teaches us that you shouldn't just stand there, you should do something about your problem, about your life. Like how the skater controls his board. What's the purpose of your skateboard if you won't use it, right? What's the point of your life if you wouldn't do something about it?

Sneaking out at nights, talk, skate, do shits, talk, skate, go home just as the class was about to start so I could take a bath, listening half of the time, sneaking behind the room to take a nap, failing my math grades during the time, going home after class, sleep, wake up and repeat the cycle from the start.

My time for doing tricks in my board didn't last long. Two years. Just two years to do the most rebellious acts I could. Just two years to experience the ride.

I changed path.

That's when I decided to just lay back down and enjoy the time I have with myself.

I have a strong passion for writing and reading. But that's just it. I enjoyed being alone. At my age, I've pretty much went to so many places just by myself and with some people I'm acquiantances with. My family, I think don't give a damn if I go out a lot or not. They're pretty much used to it. I know they care but they didn't care enough though.

It's like a great escape from the problems and self demons I deal with kapag minsan nawawala ako and nagdedecide ako to go a certain place with some people. I enjoy it kase we all do the things we want and we have the same passion for some things. I still limit myself from getting too fond of them. I don't want to feel too attached so it seems like we're all just acquiantances with each other.

I don't ocassionally go out with them. We're just a bunch of teens who knew each other through social media because of the same passion we share. Ganun din naman sila. We have our own battles to deal with.

It's quiet a great escape from the reality. For a brief moment, you'll shut your world down and create your own for a little while. You'll discover calmness and peace na minsan hindi ko na nararamdaman dahil sa mga pangyayari.

There's also a different kind of calmness and peace when I let the writings and the readings do the talking. The more time I enjoy doing it, the more time I discover myself and the more time I learn not to depend on others. Depending on others shows vulnerability, and I don't want people to feel sorry for my situation because honestly, it's none of their business.

I so much enjoy being alone na sometimes I wonder, will I ever get tired of it?