Counting Stars (In A Relationship With EXO Kai)

7 | It's Brutal Out There

Trigger warning - I don't know if it's really a TW, but I will say it just in case. This story talks about the toxic standards of the entertainment industry. Mostly weight issues. Beauty. How dieting can be a lot.

Sometimes I wished I was just so much poor that I could endure it.

It was funny. When I was in school, I didn't really find a need to have money. Like I did have needs, but whatever my parents gave me, it was enough. Just enough to go through life. Now that I was a graduate, not having a penny for college education and a family business on the verge of shutting down, I felt that desperation.

Desperation. What I had only heard about, but now was feeling it in my bones.

"How are we going to raise Ae-Cha?" I asked mum as she moved around the room, adjusting my stuff to make space for my little cousin. "We don't even have money to go through this week."

She paused. "Are you saying that we shouldn't keep her?"

My paternal aunt and uncle passed away last week. They had a fatal accident. Since they lived in Australia, dad had to go over there to arrange a funeral. He was getting my 13 year old cousin back from there, and she was going to live with us since no one else was ready to take her in. I had no problem with another addition to the family. I adored my cousin, but I also knew what we were going through.

"I'm worried that we're not going to give her enough." My eyes teared up. "Mum, I'm sorry. That's all. I'm so sorry I couldn't be of any help. If I were a boy, then maybe... Maybe I would have had done something differently. I really am sorry."

Mum took a deep breath. "What are you even sorry about? We failed to give you a better life, Sunhee. It's us who should be sorry." Placing the blankets in its place, she came to hold my hands. "But, we're going to survive. Because we all will be together. And, you're my daughter. My pretty daughter who is always doing things for us."

"Mum..."

"You'll see. God will help us out in some way. Don't worry too much. Okay?"

It wasn't okay. We both knew it. My father must be looking for extra jobs at this moment. Mum must be calculating her jewelry value in her mind. And, me... I wasn't doing anything. I was being selfish. This won't do. It certainly won't. I grabbed my bag and told mum, I was going on a short walk to clear my mind.

"God, please make it work for me." I stared at the card and tried to breath in and out in a rhythm. Calm yourself. I went into the phone booth and dialled the number. A female voice chirped from the other end. "Hello, I'm Ji Sunhee."

So here I was in front of the recruiter. He looked proud to get me here. YG had already tried to get me on board with them for three times already. I would like to flatter myself with the information, but I won't. This decision was being taken out of necessity. The way three of the YG recruiters tried to approach me over three years and still failed, that was another story.

First at the dance competition I participated in. That time I was 15. My teacher said that I was lucky to be scouted like this. That I should go for an audition. I didn't. Of course.

Second time when I was in a line to get a sign from my favorite kpop group. Big Bang. It was a fan signing event and I was pretty creeped out when a man approached me from out of nowhere, and gave me a card. I threw it in a dustbin on my way out.

Then third time was when I walked instead of a classmate in one of the modeling shows. It was a random one. I had not even participated in the event, but my classmate fell ill just before the show, so my teacher asked me to walk. I came first and was asked to join YG again.