Poison and Cure

V - Notes

بسم الله
In the name of God
August 10th, 2004 10:09pm
Augusta, GA, Center of Decay

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"Are you married?"

He sighs tiredly, "Is this for your... Q and A forum thing?"

My eyes widen, taken aback.

Mr Silas exhales, turning down the heat on a beaker,

"Yes, I know about it. I've always known. You've worked for me for months."

"Is... Is it okay?"

"Yes," he waves his hand dismissively, "You mentioned something like that when you started working for me. And the answer is no."

"No?"

I genuinely forgot the question I asked.

He glances at my laptop before directing his gaze elsewhere, "No, I'm not married nor have I ever been in a romantic relationship."

I type it down in the 'Personal' section,

"Why's that?"

"I've never got the chance."

I expected him to say something like 'I don't believe in love' or 'science is my lover', not something as simple as, 'I've never got the chance'.

"Besides," he continues, "I was and am around beakers and professors and... and textbooks all my life. Anyone I ran into was like me, and I hate the idea of both me and my wife going mad and ignoring each other for the sake of discovery and passion. I wouldn't like to be with someone like me, although it's selfish to wish so. I don't care. I want someone to bring me out of my stupid, frantic ruts and..."

Blinking at his confession, I begin to type it in the answer box.

"Miss October, don't... Don't write that in. Forget I said it. Ignore that."

His cheeks and ears are bright red and his pinky finger keeps twitching. His eyes rapidly tracing the counter but not even seeing it.

"Okay, I won't. Can I add the first part?"

"Yes," he says, lifting his head up with his gaze on the floor, "Please. Don't mention what I said after. That wasn't appropriate to share. With you, or anyone else."

"I won't. And I'll be more cautious of my questions in the future, inshaa'Allaah."

I decide not to ask any more romance-related questions.

"Has your passion for science affected your family life?"

"Not much. It would've impacted it negatively if I didn't email and text and video call every few days."

"Has it affected your spirituality and or religious conviction?"

He does not seem as tense as before, lowering the heat of the beaker even more,

"Yes. It made me realise that I really will never know everything, and reliance on Allaah is the only way through difficulties and ease."

"That's really..." My voice trails off as I bite back my praise. That's really admirable is what I was going to say, but I don't want a repeat of yesterday. Instead, I don't respond and just write it down.

"That's really what?"

"Nothing."

"Miss October, what is it?"

"Mr. Silas, we both have the right to not say what we don't want to."

"Is it because of yesterday that you are holding back?"