Sang's Dating Marathon

Ch 2: The Karen School of Dating

"Okay, Sang! We start tomorrow promptly at noon, so we have to do a little prep work tonight so we are ready for the entire weekend."

She runs into the hallway where our bedrooms are located and I watch her ping-pong back and forth between her room and my room taking clothing, shoes and accessories out of our closets. She's piling dresses on her bed and lining up shoes to go with them along the wall.

"Uhh, Karen what are you doing?"

"Picking our outfits out, duh!! Okay, looks like you don't have any clubwear. Why are your dresses so long! You have nothing sexy in this closet!"

"I have sexy stuff, what about that pink one.", I say pointy to a pink floral strapless dress.

Karen turns towards me with a glare on her face, "Sang, if it's pink and it has flowers it is not sexy. You can't wear this to a nightclub." She rushes over to her room and pulls out a black strapless mini dress. She holds it up to my body, "Yes, this will work. It's too small for me, but I'm sure it will fit you. And you can wear those silver strappy heels you never use!"

She pulls the shoes and piles all the different outfits together to the side of her bed, then turns to face me. "Next we have to practice for when guys hit on us."

"Why do we have to practice that? And don't you want girls to hit on you?"

"Yes, Sang. I want girls to hit on me, but it's not like I have 'lesbian' stamped across my forehead! People will hit on us that we are not interested in and we have to be prepared to turn them down."

"Okay that makes sense. How do we practice?"

"I'll be the guy and you be you." Karen gets this serious look on her face and she starts squinting her eyes at me. She leans over towards me and does that head nod that guys do. Well, she attempts it at least. To me it looked more like she was trying to flip her bangs out of her face a la Justin Bieber 2010.

She puts on a deep manly voice, "Hey babe, I just Googled 'sexy' and a picture of you showed up."

I reply to her with, "You'll get the same result if you search 'not interested'."

She smirks then walks away and comes back as a new fake dude, "Can I buy you a drink?"

I smirk back and say, "No, but I'll take the money."

Karen snorts and runs around to my other side to give me more 'practice'. She wraps her arm around me and says, "If I said you have a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?"

"If I said I wanted to check out your ass, would you turn around and walk away?"

Karen snaps out of her dude impersonations and laughs, "Damn girl! You are way too good at this. Okay, now I remember why you never go on dates. You turn down every other guy and then scare the rest away!"

"Well at least something's working. Look Karen I just don't want to waste my time. I want to graduate from college, get a good job, save up some money and...and umm...and I don't know what else!"

"How about a relationship?" I shake my head no and she continues, "a fling? one night stand? hook up? smooch? hand holding? ANYTHING?!?!"

Shake my head no to all of them. I just don't want the hassle right now and I don't know how to explain that to Karen.

"Lets forget about the future and just focus on the checklist you have planned for this weekend. I promise to have fun!"

"Yes! And first on our list afternoon speed dating!"

"Umm, Karen? You know they set you up with guys right?"

"Yes, but there will be girls there to check out."

"But they will be straight...", I leave it hanging so she can put two and two together, but knowing Karen of course she has her own formula to solve problems with.

"Yes, but five minutes with me during the mixer at the end and I'll convert them."

"I don't think that's how it works."

"Sang, what do you know about lesbians? You barely know much about the opposite sex! Hey... maybe you haven't gone on dates, because you are a lesbian!"

We both broke out into laughter, "Karen, if I were a lesbian you'd be the first person I ask out."

"I'd better be!"