Still I Can Feel You - Joel Hokka

Trapped In Hell

 

April 2016, Paris

The next day I woke up with the worst headache. I really thought that my head would break in a matter of seconds.

Why did I had to drink so much yesterday? And as I expected I went too far...

I told about so many things to Kristy and now she knows too much about me and she maybe thinks that my life is so miserable.

I told to her about every single detail of my relationship with Johanna and I was also even expecting a solution like everything she said and suggested wasn't enough but she actually helped me a lot.
Now I know where I should start from, I have to find a way to make sure that those papers from the doctors that said that she tried to kill herself were real and she didn't pay to get them just to keep me with her.

But what I can't get is that if she's faking everything then why she's cheating? If she wanted me to stay with her and if she loved me she wouldn't cheat but stay with me but she's doing exactly the opposite.

Alcohol really can make you open up about everything to every person that's infront of you. And all those thoughts that I made about Kristy while I was drunk, how much I regret about everything that came into my mind while she was looking to me.
So many good thoughts and romantic ones came into my brain but there were those dirty thoughts that make me feels such shame.

Thank God that I didn't do or say anything stupid. This would really fuck up the good friendship that we're starting and I want her in my life.

I looked in my phone to check the clock. Already 10 am, I should really get up and I must find some painkillers now or my head is gonna explode

I looked in the desk drawer that was in the room and there were some with a small paper next to them, something like a letter.

"I'm assuming that you're gonna need those after the previous night"

Well Kristy now didn't have to take care only of Niko but also me that didn't manage to control how much I would drink. I came here to help and I'm just adding more work to her.

I got a bottle of water and shallowed the pills so soon I would fell better.

I actually don't really remember how I came back here but I'm sure that Kristy was the one to bring me back.
She's gonna have to worst idea about me. She's gonna think that I'm an alcoholic that doesn't know how much he drinks and then loses control of himself

Let's hope that she won't think like this though and that she's gonna understand how much I needed this and I'm not talking about the beers but about the chat that I had with her. Maybe she didn't realize it but she helped me but there are still many things to do so I can make sure that Johanna will be fine if we break up.

I decided to head in the shower since this would also help me more to calm and relax. The hot water would really calm my nerves now and help with my headache.

When I'm done I should go to Niko's room since Kristy will also be there too. Of course she didn't drink as much as I did. She's not like me. She knew that she had to have control of herself, her actions and the things that she said.
But what makes me feel guilty is that I've been thinking about her while I was having this shower so it really didn't help a lot.

I can't get off my mind the way she looks at me and those eyes... Her eyes.
I mustn't think like this about her no.

She's Niko's best friend and I'm with Johanna even if I don't like her anymore I stay royal instead for her.

While I was getting out I heard a knock in the door. I quickly wrapped a towel around my hips and walked to see who was it.

The second I opened the door I really regreted for appearing like this. It would take me some more time to get dressed but I wouldn't feel the shame I'm feeling now.