Still I Can Feel You - Joel Hokka

Thunderstorm

  August 2016, Oulu

It's been almost a week since our last show and also since I revealed to my band and friends that I'm moving to Helsinki really soon.

I've found an apartment that fits me and I also like it. Not too fancy and not too big so I can afford it but something small that I like and will enjoy to stay in. It's also near the city center which will allow me to do my jobs and get to shops easier.

The others were fine with my decision, my life my rules as Niko said. Joonas of course made a scene but soon got over it and said that he's happy for me and that when he finds an opportunity and money he's gonna move there too so I won't think that I can escape easily from him.

Even if I traveled to another planet Joonas would still find me that's a fact but he's my friend I really don't want to disapear from their lifes and we have a whole band that has just started her trip to this world of music so I would never leave that way.

In two days I'm leaving with my first things for Helsinki and everyone agreed on Olli's suggestion to have something as a good bye dinner in my apartment tonight. I love their company but what I hate is that I have to cook for all of them. I can really consider myself as one of the worst shefs in the whole world and I'm sure this is gonna be a problem in an Helsinki but not something I'm not used to.
At least Kristy offered to help me with the food today.

It's been a whole month and we still haven't discussed anything about that night in the studio. Again everytime we are in the same room someone is with us and most of times that someone happens to be Niko. Maybe she has talked to him about what I did.
But today she agreed on getting in the supermarket with me so I would buy the right things.

I went to pick her up from Niko's apartment so then we could leave.

"Hey" Niko opened the door

"You're gonna wait a little she's getting ready" he rolled his eyes and went to knock the door in Kristy's room.

I went in the living room and sat in the couch. Women and getting ready why some of them break world records on how long it takes them?
Big question that I don't think that there is anyone that can answer it.

After five minutes though she was fine and ready and for one more time she looked gorgeous. Again I lost my trail of thought and forgot what was I supposed to say until I woke up because she pat my shoulder.

When she wore her shoes, we left but Niko told me before I left that I should be careful with her. Of course he knows, he's her best friend for so many years, they are like siblings as they say so it's obvious that she would reveal him what happened and then he would say and act like this. Maybe he could be the one that told her to stay away from me. I could find out today when we will be making the dinner in my house.
I won't be careful with her because Niko told me but because I want to. Whatever Niko told me I wouldn't listen to it if it had to do with Kristy, I would do what I and her wanted. And it's so difficult to do something when I don't even know what I want.

We both got in the car and I started driving. It would take us about twenty minutes and in the whole ride I was looking at Kristy and the road in turns. She was also looking either at me or the view from the window but everytime we made an eye contact she looked away.

"You look so beautiful" it was a thought that I didn't realize that my mouth released and it was too late to take it back. No it wasn't a lie but it's been so long since I last said this and after the kiss a lot have changed at least from Kristy's side. For me nothing is different, it's exactly how it used to be two months ago

"It's been so long since you last said this" she chuckled and gave me a smile and turned to look at me.

What was that now? Why have women have to be so confusing? I will never be able to understand what's happening in her mind and heart if she keeps acting this way and I will have all the rights too.