Still I Can Feel You - Joel Hokka

She's Gone

  After having the biggest argument that we could ever have in our whole relationship, she left the house. Never told me where she's going but I know she's gonna be back soon since all her things are here.

Two whole hours and she kept saying the same thing. Three same things.
First that she's not doing this favor to me to get in the clinic, secondly that I'm doing this to get with Kristy and lastly that I'm the one with the phycological problems.

I tried a lot to keep my anger and control and not shout or over do it as I did in the beginning but it wasn't easy with everything that she was doing and saying. Even if she was saying that we could work it out and that she would try to improve, her facial expressions showed me that she was lying about everything. 

Of course I lost it a lot of times and end up screaming in her face, even if I didn't want to or even if I felt guilty after everything that I said but it kept going like this.

I should live my life and she has to live hers into that clinic and we can't go through this together. She has to get over it alone. I know that she's not completely crazy. Most of times she understands what she's doing and saying but she still continues and that makes me not to want to see her ever again because she keeps arguing and blaming me when it's all caused because of her.

I don't know if what I'm gonna do now will drive her to react even worse but there is no other way.

I want to get away from her. Yes I want her locked up in that clinic. I want to get away from this shit that we called relationship or love. I need a new start and this can't happen with Johanna and not here.

I need to get away from everything that reminds me what I went through because of a wrong choice that I made in the past. Even if the doctor isn't a real professional and really does everything for money I need to call him now.

Johanna has to leave from here. I'm sure than in less than two hours she's gonna be back so I need to be quick.

I called the doctor that gave me every information that I needed even if he got money from Kristy and then from Johanna so he can tell her what we know. I told him that he has to bring an ambulance with some nurses that are gonna take her there. I would first sign a paper that said that she needs to get in the clinic and pack her things and obviously I told them when exactly they should be here.

When I closed the call with the doctor, even if I'm not sure if this man deserves to be called and work as a doctor but I won't get involved in this now. I went in my room it's only my room now and not our.

I grabbed a big suitcase. I don't feel really good with what I'm doing but there isn't other way. She didn't like the easy one so we're doing the hard way and we're gonna see the results.

I packed as many things that she owns and will need and I placed the things in the living room. Everything that didn't fit I'm gonna send it to her parents even if they're gonna also hate me because I'm gonna send their daughter in a clinic.

I let everything infront of my couch and waited for Johanna to come back.
Today I'm closing a big chapter of my life and soon a better one is gonna start and I'm gonna finally be free to be myself and don't hide my emotions.

As I expected Johanna was back after one hour and half. And the doctor had called me that they are waiting. Of course I had to promise him more money so he wouldn't call Johanna and tell her what I'm planning. This would destroy everything.

"Did you relax?" I asked her when she walked back but even if she seemed still annoyed I dared to ask her.

Before she could notice the suitcases I sent a message in my phone that they should get here