Memory is Futile

Chapter VII: Nightmares about separation

It wasn't ever often that either of us had nightmares, but they were vastly different from each other. Took different paths. Two different demons that ate away at us, and different monsters what went "bop" in the night.

Kat's nightmares though, they seemed to be so much worse than anyone could imagine. He didn't let it affect him though. Wouldn't let it show. But deep down, I knew he was terrified. Only ever told me about them once. Said that he was alone in a forest of nothing but bamboo, and just running, all the time. Something was chasing him and every time it got close enough to bare its mouthfuls of teeth, he could see himself being swallowed and pierced and he would shoot awake. That was the most he'd ever said about them. I knew there were others, more severe, but he never told me about them.

There was only one time I could ever recall mine being anywhere near as severe as his. It started out fine. We were rock climbing, trying to conquer a new trail. Kat was laughing when I would stumble and always looking in the water for any rocks that I'd not collected yet. And then it happened. I'd slipped, fell over the edge of the cliff and Kat scrambled to grab my hand. When he'd pulled me back up, he lost his footing and tumbled over the edge, screaming as he busting his head open on a rock and was falling too far for me to reach him. And I'd watched him hit the bottom with a loud crack, before he fell silent. The world fell silent. By the time I made it down to the bottom, he was gone, only leaving a trail of blood that ended with no inclination of where he'd gone, and his belts that had broken off from his harness. His body wasn't where it had landed, and I fell to my knees where the belts lay. Wisps began to light up and left a trail of blue light that led to his half-eaten body. And that was it. I woke up, sweating and started screaming for Katsuki when he wasn't next to me, who came running from the kitchen. I'd jumped at him and he looked shocked when I hugged him, but he placed his arms around me anyway.

I never had that nightmare again, but I think he had one similar. Woke up one night and shook me awake because he was convinced I was dead. Told I wasn't, that I was real and was right beside him and that I wasn't going anywhere any time soon. He was crying. Kept muttering something about "i thought I'd lost you..." or some incomprehensible gibberish.

That was the night I found out that Katsuki had a fear of separation and that he was always terrified he'd end up alone. Feared that he wouldn't have anybody, and that he'd lose me to some unknown circumstances out there.

Never again did I leave the house without letting him know where I was going, and never again did I leave him alone for more than an hour Without messaging him.

In the end, it wasn't Kat that got left alone.