Looking Back

5 - Paige

As I sit through my sister's memorial service, something I never imagined I'd have to do, stare down at my lap and make a mental list of everything I would need to take care of.

Call the caterer...

Cancel the venue...

Cancel the dress fitting...

Unsend invitations...

Before I can come up with a fifth item, a hand to my knee brings me back to the memorial. The man I picked seems as though he's never had to speak into a microphone, taking a deep breath into it every time he goes to speak and causing a thud over the speakers. "Again, we want to thank you all for being here in memory of Alexandra Adams." As he continues dismissing the crowd, I stand and quietly make my way out of the auditorium.

It's been three days since Noah and I had last spoken at the hospital. I sent him a text to let him know about the memorial but he never responded. I can't blame him. I would want nothing more than to be anywhere but here. I can imagine how it would have looked for, not only her fiancé, but her sister to miss the memorial.

My phone vibrates in my pocket. A message from Caleb. My flight has been delayed again. I don't know when I'll make it. I'm so sorry.

I put my phone away without responding, not having the energy to assure him it's fine.

When I get home, I'm hit with the mountain of casserole piled on the kitchen counter. I walk past it and into my bedroom, wanting for my bed to swallow me whole.

~*~

I'm jolted awake by the knock on the apartment door. Groggily, I check the time and let out a groan. I've slept through most of the day. Despite the open blinds, not much light is coming through the windows.

Another knock finally forces me out of bed. I slip on my slides and pull a sweater on before going to the front door. When I open it, I'm immediately engulfed in a hug. "I'm so sorry, Paige." As he hugs me, I'm hit with his familiar scent of pine and linen. A comforting scent. Whether he's apologizing for the loss of my sister or missing the memorial, I don't question him and allow him to hold me against him.

After a couple minutes of Caleb holding me, he lets me go and cups my face in his hands. "How are you?" he asks, searching my face. "What can I do?"

I shrug and let him inside. He sets his suitcase next to the door heads to the kitchen. "Shit," I hear him mutter, probably at the casserole. I had forgotten about it.

While he's in there organizing, I glance around my living room. Pictures of Alex and me are virtually everywhere. At prom, at work, birthdays. I'm immediately reminded of my birthday tomorrow and am hit with a wave of grief as I realize my sister, my best friend, won't be there. "Babe," Caleb says softly, walking back to me.

As if on cue, the tears begin to stream down my face. "How could this have hap-" I start to speak but my voice falters and a sob escapes through my mouth instead. He reaches me and wraps his arms around me again. I grip his shirt and press my face against his chest. I start to feel my body grow heavy and he leads me to the couch. As I cry, Caleb holds me and I despite my current state, I allow myself to be grateful that he made it.

When I awake again, I'm back in my bed. I don't remember having made the trip to my room last night. Sun spills through the windows and I rub the sleep from my eyes. I look around but Caleb is not in my room.

I decide to shower before looking for him. Anything to keep me from facing the world just yet.

I throw on a sweatshirt and some joggers and throw my hair in a messy bun before leaving my room. I find Caleb in the kitchen. Looking around, I notice all the casseroles are gone. The kitchen is spotless except for the breakfast he has plated sitting in front of him and he's placed fresh flowers on the counter.

"Happy birthday, Paige," he starts. "I wasn't sure how you'd feel about going out today. But you still deserve to be celebrated. I made breakfast."

I feel my heart swell with appreciation. For everything Caleb misses by being in New York, he makes up for it when we're together. Despite me not being very hungry, I grab the fork he's holding out to me and we enjoy the breakfast he made for us.

~*~

"Have you seen Noah?" I ask Caleb a few hours later. I hadn't heard from him since we got the news at the hospital and was beginning to get worried.

Noah doesn't really have anyone right now. Caleb is with me. His mom and dad are in Florida and they aren't able to make the trip. I realize that once Caleb leaves, I'll be in the same boat. My sister was all I had.

My throat tightens but I force the tears back. Caleb didn't notice so that's good. I'm tired of the crying. I've done enough crying.

"No, I haven't," he replies. "I called to let him know I was in town but he never responded."

I can't imagine what he's feeling. Yes he and my sister weren't married yet, but they might as well have been. But to have lost your fiancé and baby has to be really hard on him. I make a mental note to go check on him later.

"How long are you staying?" I ask after a few moments.

He gives me a sympathetic look and let out a sigh, knowing the answer. "I have a flight for tomorrow, Paige."

I nod, ending the conversation. I don't want to discuss his inability to stay. I'm just glad he's here now.

The rest of the day was spent together. I decided to put off taking care of wedding stuff for tomorrow. I wondered for a brief moment if Noah would be able to help me but then I feel guilty for thinking that. He just lost her. He shouldn't have to deal with canceling the wedding too.

I drove Caleb to the airport the next morning and he promises to call on his layover. "Thank you for being here," I tell him honestly. Because my birthday was the saddest of birthdays but the fact he was there to hold me made it a thousand times more bearable.

He smiles and gives me another kiss. "I wish it would have been under better circumstances. I'm sorry I cant stay any longer."

I assure him he doesn't have anything to be sorry for. As I'm leaving the airport, I decide to go by Noah's apartment. The drive there became harder with every minute I got closer to their house. I was here just a few days ago having dinner with my sister and the man she was going to marry.

I knock on the door. Seconds later, I hear footsteps. I wasn't sure what to expect when the door opened. Noah stands in front of me. He has on a wrinkled shirt. The bags under his eyes indicate he's gotten little to no sleep. Glancing inside, I note it didn't take long for him to make the house a mess. It's not dirty. Just drinks on every surface, a box of pizza on the couch. "Paige," he says, his voice low, as though he's not spoken to anyone in days. My heart breaks at the thought of me hogging his best friend for the short time he was in town. I hate he's been here alone. Without a word, I pull him for a hug. He stands for a moment, unsure of what to do before wrapping his arms around me. Moments later, I hear him sniff before his shoulders starts to shake. We both stand at his doorway, grieving the loss of my sister, my niece or nephew, his fiancé, his son or daughter. Just like back at the hospital, except this time, I'm not entirely sure who's holding who up.

Authors Note:

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