Looking Back

7 - Paige

Despite me having started at the hospital last week, I was given a month before I needed to be back. The first week was the hardest. But as I sit on the floor of the living room, my back against the wall, I almost consider going back. I'm in no way ready. But going back to work almost sounds better than sitting here thinking my sister was a cheater and thinking she'd hurt so many people.

Noah took it about as well as anyone could have, given the circumstances. I wish I could have done more than watch him but I can understand he needed time away from the sister of the girl who had cheated on him and lied about fathering their child before she died.

I don't want to believe this. My sister wasn't capable of doing anything like this. But then I remember her telling me she's having a baby and thinking she looked almost guilty. I wish I had asked her why she seemed so bothered. I chalked it up to her thinking she wasn't ready. But now I'm not so sure.

The days are spent like this. Me on the floor with thoughts of my sister and the circumstances under which she was taken from me. Alex deserves better than me grieving like this. She'd want me to go on with my life.

My phone rings next to me, startling me. Noah. I pick up and press the phone against my ear but don't say anything. "I can't get off the floor," I finally mutter.

"Me either," he replies. Then, "would you want to sit together?"

Despite him not being able to see me, I start to nod. "Yes," I answer. "Who's getting off the floor first though?"

"I'll go. I can't be here anymore." Because of Alex.

It took 14 minutes for Noah to reach my apartment. He knocks before letting himself inside. His eyes glance around the room before finally landing on me. He looks a little better than the last time I had seen him. His shirt is a clean one. The start of a stubble was shaved. If it wasn't for the lack of sleep evident on his face, you'd think he was just a regular guy not going through the week he did.

"How long have you been sitting there?" he asks quietly before kneeling in front of me.

A few days.

"Have you slept?" Hardly. "Have you eaten?" I shake my head.

He lets out a low breath and takes one of my hands in his. "I'll make you a deal," he starts, looking me in the eyes. "We'll get up off the floor. You go get ready. I'll buy us food."

They sound like three very simple things. I debate telling him no. Staying in my spot on the floor and staring across the living room for the rest of the day, like I had been up until this moment. But I can see the desperation on his face to do something other than dwell on the unanswered questions. I realize that he needs me just as much as I need him right now.

So I take him up on his offer and he helps me stand.

~*~

We drove in silence. It was a change of pace from being in the house all day. One that I know we both needed. Moments later, he's pulling his truck into a small diner I'd never seen before. He switches off the engine but we don't make a move to get inside.

"How's Caleb?" he asks, the question catching me off guard.

"He hasn't reached out to you?"

He lets out a low laugh. "I haven't been picking up my phone lately." I understand where he's coming from. Lately I have to remind myself to check my phone for calls from Caleb.

I finally turn my head to face Noah and find that he's already looking at me. "You picked it up to call me," I say softly.

Something shifts in his eyes. I can see so much pain behind them and I want nothing more than for us to make it out of this okay. He's going to grieve and he's going to move on from my sister but we've just started getting to know each other - something that, up until five years ago, has been a struggle for us. "I did," he says finally. He then sighs before unlocking the car and unbuckling his seatbelt. "You hungry?"