Dramione Oneshots

Not Interested (Smut)

No one would have believed that Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy could be friends, but they are. Great friends, flatmates, and not interested in anything more. Totally not interested. 

Every time Granger comes home from work, looking flustered and agitated and in need of a good shag. 

Not interested.

Every time Granger gets dressed up to go out with her friends. In her tight pants and high heels. Shirts that show more cleavage from his height advantage than she realizes. Backless dresses. Thank fucking Merlin for Ginny Potter’s delicious fashion advice. 

So not interested.

Every time he doesn't specifically go out of his way to, by no mean purposely, run into Granger, obviously by accident, when she gets out of the shower, wrapped in one of her stupid, impractically small towels. Her disastrous curls tied up in that messy way that only he should be responsible for causing. Water still dripping slowly down over the raised skin of her warrior princess battle scars, right into the towel where he didn't desire sole access. It's the towel's fault really, making it look like she has amazonian legs. That girl is 4 foot nothing, how are her legs 5 feet long?

Not that he thinks about her legs. 

Definitely not interested.

When he waits up at night for Granger to come home from her dates with complete twats.

Couldn’t be less interested.

When he has to then stay up listening to Granger complain about her dates with absolute morons because each and every tosser is too dim-witted to carry an intellectual conversation capable of holding her attention. How hard could it be? Draco can talk to her for hours and never run out of material. When she first moved in, they stayed up until 5am once, having spoken for 18 hours straight. Most satisfying night of his short life. Even if the twit didn't have anything to say, that woman can literally talk about everything and anything unencumbered, and her eyes light up with the most endearing sparkle when it's something that excites her like new charms theories or his cousin, Teddy. She always has that goofy smile when she even thinks about Teddy. How can these imbeciles not want to just sit and listen to her talk about Teddy?

But seriously, not interested.

After 2 years, 13 months, 3 weeks, 8 days and 9 hours - not that he’s counting - of living together in his own personal purgatory, of being trapped alone with the witch he couldn't stand and definitely didn't want physically, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, magically. He was not, is not and will never be interested in Hermione Granger. 

“Granger, what’s wrong?”

“I don't want to talk about it!”

“Come on, I could help.”

“No! It's embarrassing.” She is looking away from him, and for good reason. As soon as she catches the encouraging come-on-you-know-you-can-tell-me-anything look in his eyes mixed with his best you-know-you-want-to smirks, she caves. "He broke up with me."

"Good, he was a dolt. We should celebrate." She says nothing, doesn’t laugh or respond in any way to his comment. “That’s not all. Tell me.”

“He told me I was bad at giving head. He was mad, but I'm still nervous that he might have meant it.” Utterly humiliated she throws herself onto the couch and whatever else she says is lost behind her hands.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that last part, love.”

“He said that since I'm always reading, perhaps I should look up how to give better head in a book.”