Met You By Fate

Chapter 36

Chapter 36 

Again 

Why does he need to said something that will make me crazy and confused? Why does he need to make me feel like this again? That is what he did to me because of what he said and I am just thankful I didn't get involve in an accident on my way home even though what he said never left my mind. 

Bakit ba ang galing ni Brian na iparamdam ang dalawang yun, he is good at making me crazy and confused, what is really with him bakit ganun na lang siya sa'kin? 

When I got home I just find myself drinking alcohol. I already stop drinking when Brianna was born because I want to be a good example to my daughter. Alam ko na huli na yun dahil kahit naman anong gawin kong pagbabago pwede pa din naman malaman ng anak ko kung ano ako noon but I don't want to show it to her. 

Pero sa mga oras na 'to, alcohol is what I needed. Brian bring chaos in my life again. Yung akala ko ayos na at nabuo ko na ulit ang sarili ko at ang buhay ko kasama si Brianna but here he is bringing chaos in my life again. 

He is destroying me again. Love is about to destroy me again. 

"What makes you drink here alone, sweetie?" Nilingon ko yung taong kakalabas lang ng bahay. I am at the pool area drinking alone at iniisip kung ano na naman ang mangyayari sa'kin lalo na ngayon that Brian is just around again. 

Ito na naman e. Papaikutin ko na naman yung buhay ko dahil sa nararamdaman ko pero hindi pwedeng ganun. I have my daughter, I need to protect her kaya hindi ko dapat hayaan yang pagmamahal na yan na sirain na naman ako. 

"Mom, how will you believe a word that you have been dreaming to hear before pero ngayon mo lang narinig? Hindi ba parang huli na." I asked Mommy when she seat beside me. 

Yung mga narinig ko kay Brian kanina those words, yun ang ilang beses kong hiniling na marinig sa kanya noon. I want to hear him saying that he will never let me go. Yung hindi niya gugustuhin na umalis ako, yung hindi niya ako pakawalan dahil noon pakiramdam ko ako lang naman ang kumakapit sa kanya. 

And seeing him looking so fine months after I left hurt me a thousand times. Alam ko naman na yun ang gusto ko pero ang sakit pa din because I know a part of me hope that he will get affected sa bigla kong pag-alis but he doesn't look affected at all. 

He look happy while I am crying while carrying Brianna in my hands. Mas doble pa yung sakit dahil naiisip ko ang pwedeng maramdaman ng anak ko pag nakita niya yun. I am also blaming myself kasi wala namang idea si Brian sa kanya but still it hurts. 

"Yes, but remember the quote 'better late than never'. At least narinig mo pa din yung mga salitang gusto mong marinig kaysa hindi. You know what words I am waiting to hear from you?" I looked at Mommy and she smile at me bago kinuha yung kamay ko. 

"What is it?" 

"I'm in pain, Mommy. Help me... You never said those words to me dahil ayaw mo na sasabihin na nasasaktan ka even it's already showing. Kahit noong bata ka, remember every time magkakasakit ka you will never said those words kahit na nakikita namin ng dad mo na nahihirapan ka na. We all have words we wanted to hear, sweetie. We just really need to wait until that person already have the courage to say that words you wanted to hear." 

Come to think of it, what Mommy said makes sense. Never in my life I said those words kahit noong nakita nila kung paano ako masaktan noon hindi nila narinig ang mga salitang yun sa'kin. I never said that I am in pain, nakikita ng lahat pero hindi ko sinasabi. 

"I'm in pain, Mommy... For so long." I said to my mom. She sigh heavily bago ako niyakap and I feel her caressing my hair and that calms me. It calms my mind and my heart.