Evermore

42

⚠️ TW: Blood, Physical Violence, and Torture⚠️

PLEASE PROCEED WITH CAUTION!

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Harry's POV

Two days.

It has been two days of unspoken words and exchanged glances between Amara and I. Two days of not know if I should ignore my outburst or apologize for breaking her boundaries. Boundaries that I have never planned to cross unless she willingly allowed me to. Two days of watching her shift awkwardly in her seat or play with her hair every time I looked at her which made it even harder to stay away from her.

I know that she deserves an explanation or maybe even an apology, yet I can't help it but feel like what I had told her was enough already. She doesn't need to know anything more than my father being murdered there. Even that, I feel, was too much.

I keep trying to tell myself that she knows more than she needs to already but I can't help it but want to confide in her more. But every time I'm about to explain it to her, I stare at her innocent and glistening eyes, and talk myself right out of it.

She doesn't need to know nor do I want her to. And not because I have selfish intentions, it's because I want to protect her. She has this hopefulness and goodness about her that would be destroyed if I did.

Other than wanting to preserve the goodness in her, I could think of a million reasons, each reasoning being different than a previous.

One would think that, after all the different reasonings, I wouldn't feel the need to tell her about my dark past. The very past that I fear is becoming my present with every passing day. There are more signs pointing to it that I had originally thought but the day she woke up, realization had hit me like a ton of bricks. Each sign growing closer and closer.

I fear that those things that have risen from my past is the reason why Amara has changed the way she acts towards me, which is partly the reason why I feel the need to be transparent with her. But transparency is a slippery slope and one that I refuse to allow anyone on.

Galena is the only one that knows, much to my annoyance. If it were up to me, she wouldn't know anything. But I can't change the fact that she was there, witnessing and experiencing everything first hand. I know it's partially the reason why she can't look at me in the eye some days. I know the past haunts her just as much, if not more, than it haunts me.

It's the night everything changed.

I knew that one day my past would come up to haunt me in more ways than it already has. Never did I imagine it would be so soon.

But the very second I saw her, I knew.

I had seen her in my dreams, more often in my nightmares. A girl with firey red hair that I had never crossed path's with before, embedded in my mind like the curse that ties us together.

The night before I first met her, I had dreamed of her. She gave off such a warmth that almost made me feel like I was alive again. Her laugh fueled me and her touch calmed me. It was almost as if she was right in front of me. Feelings so vivid that they made me wake up in a daze covered in sweat.

Unlike all of the dreams I had about her where I pushed her away and forced my eyes to open, I welcomed it—embraced it. I felt so calm and safe in her presence rather than the threatening feeling I used to have. I allowed her to wrap her arms around me, holding me as I held her. The scent of vanilla and lavender swarming my senses, practically making me drunk off of it. It was a feeling that I never wanted to let go. I wanted to hold on to that feeling as if my life depended on it.