She is Mine! Only Mine!

CHAPTER 32

Arundhati's pov.

" I am not a slut. I am not. You are very bad. I hate you. "

I said in a low voice not having the mental energy to sustain more of his humiliating words. Can't I just die? I don't have any will to live any longer. Being treated like trash with no dignity day after day is completely sucking out the strength I have built up for my mother. I can't give up on my life when the one who blessed me with it is suffering somewhere I don't even know.

I have gone through so much of his roughness that I don't feel like shedding tears anymore. They have dried up already. Each and every thing he says boils my blood and my helpless self makes my situation worse.

Everything feels dull and depressing around you when you have coldness within.

'You are my maid Arundhati. Just a fucking servant! '

' You are my slut at night. '

I  cried out and collapsed in the water as I recalled his words. Why is he so heartless?! How can he just call me a slut  like that?! How can stoop so low to  humiliate me?! They say even if you spend some time with a street animal you grow affections for them, you start Caring for them. Then why doesn't he show a little humanity towards me?

I started at the white ceiling as tears shed down my eyes. I need to get out of here. This is not a Life I deserve! This is not! I need to find my mother first and then I will have to plan a plan to get out of this place. I can do this! Living with a monster like him  is not possible for me! I am not bad! I am not a slut! I am not worthless!!!

' escaping him is impossible '

I heard a warning sound  in my brain.

' He's powerful enough to keep you here. If you try to escape you'll be in deep trouble. Don't make your life more miserable. Accept everything quietly. This is your life. '

I heard again and a feeling of anger and frustration crept in me. I punched in the bathtub wall out of distress. I am actually worthless! A useless powerless self. I am pathetic! I am unable to protect myself then how can I expect to save my mother! I am useless! It's impossible for me to escape! This is a freaking different country!! I have never been out of my own hometown! How will I even manage to survive here knowing nothing! It's useless! It's just a waste of time! And god forbids if he catches me somehow then he will torture me to death. Thinking about his dreadful deeds made me hiccup.

I pulled my body out slowly and used the handshower to clean myself up. I got out of the bathtub and wiped off the water from my face and dried off my body. Wrapping it around me, I started to walk with difficulty as it hurted too bad down there. I limped out of the bathroom somehow with my arm sling pouch in my hand. I just want to wear a soft cotton night dress. That's it!

I reached the closet and looked out for the night gowns, I was relieved when I found them. I stretched my hand to clutch it and then gasped as I looked at my reflection. Dark round patches were over my eyes, I looked pale and more lean. I was looking so sick and ugly! A year drop fell out of my eyes. My hair was wet  and tangled, I am looking like a psycho who ran out of a mental asylum.

'' This is not me! I am not this ugly and untidy! "

I wept and started to cry. Seeing this dreadful version of your once healthy and happy self is terrifying and too ugly to face. This is horrible! I need to AT LEAST keep myself in a tidy and good condition. This is not how I am!

Wiping off the tears, I started to search for a pretty saree. I found this cream white saree with a yellowish tint with a bell sleeve blouse. I smiled as I checked myself out at the mirror while sticking the saree to my chest. I will look beautiful in this one. To be happy you have to love yourself and I hate this self of mine which looks so ugly and weak. I am not this. I am beautiful in and out.