The Scattering Ashes

Snowflakes

She could still felt the tensed ballroom before, those cunning smile, those cruel stares, as she was dragged and all eyes were on her. Full of sins, filled with lies, she was abandoned and left. Just like the time where she always wondered and frightened. Hiding in the blaming to her parents why she was ever born as an unfortunate child and a sinner.

A mock.

A dirt.

A sly princess.

A greedy sister.

It was all what she heard. It was all what she learned. A hatred, a grudge, an agry, resentment, and despair. These were where she grown a jealousy and apathy, that she might thought no one has suffered like her. That everyone just shone out there and she was dying all alone.

All she wanted was that everyone knew her suffers. That she hurt. That she lonely. That she was suffocating and she was dying.

She only wanted the chance.
Only one little chance and she would be happy.

"Thank you Lady Magrita for returning this ribbon back to me. I would gladly wait the time that we'll be a friend one day."

A chance to be accepted,

"You know that you could share me everything you feel, don't you? There's nothing such secret between family, right?"

A chance to be loved,

"Even if you've chosen the wrong thing, it can't stopped me for caring you."

And also a chance to live,

"Live your life from now on, Jennette. Live your life as yourself, not as a Princess, not as anyone those bureaucrats blabbing you to be about. But simply live your life as you, as Jennette Magrita."

Jennette was only stunned at her sit, slowly and fluttered the snow was piling and filling her eyes which already soaked and wet.

The life which she suck before, a life which she always wished to escape and run, a life which she always hated and blamed, now really has gone and disappeared. She always think that she might be happy once that time came, she always think that she might be glad and overwhelmed by joy, luck and luxuries would pour and all needed to do was only to smile and enjoy. But those tears can't deny what that heart suffered, all those whimps also can't hid the tingle that hit her chest as she regret.

That she missed that damn life,
That she missed her suck days,
That she missed her tea party,
And she missed her family.

She missed all the parts of her life and now she hated herself. She hated herself for not wiping the tears which now soaked her cheeks. She hated herself for not embracing herself to face things and brave her weak heart. She even hated herself for not turning what Duchess Rosalie and Izekiel have warned, for not stopping her hand to do those sins either.

The horse carriage slowly walked and she can't even thought where she would brought herself once this horse carriage stopped. What kind of world she would face once her feet stepped when it was only the white and empty lane she aimed now.

Under the snow flakes which fluttered and poured, when she has wrapped herself to come out, when finally that door creakily opened and the white lane seen, there was a hand which already lend to her with face beamed with smile,

"I am Jason Ashley ready to serve you, Milady."

And that's the moment Jennette found a honest eyes after this period of time.

***

Some maybe is still in the battle either Jennette deserves this second chance or not,
Even me is still battle with it.

But I didn't start writing this chapter with that kind of thought.
I just want to say that forgiving other might be hard, but you must and you should forgive yourself and give yourself a chance.

It might be silly, but there was a day I fought with myself and I blamed myself a lot.

There might be a day that things don't go like you want, that all you did only messed it up and screwed up. That you were really tired and you don't want to do anything unless to give up. You felt you've made the biggest mistake ever and there wouldn't be away you would reconcile it and you lost your way, mostly want to be disappear.

And when that thought just crossed you, remember that disappear won't win you anything. Give up won't give you anything. Forgive yourself for what you didn't know and allow yourself to grow. If there's no one to compliment you, then compliment yourself. Give some praises how far you've come. How strong you've been as you passed this. Be the friend of yourself, be the listener to yourself.

That, mistakes possibly happens, and anything possibly happens indeed.
So ease your mind with it.

And ease yourself with it.

That's the feeling I want to show in this chapter, that even after some series of lot unfortunate things, there would be always a chance to start again. Hope those feelings was concealed perfectly and this so so long words doesn't bother you ♥️