Heaven // Ryan Tedder

Chapter Thirteen; If I Lose Myself

A day later, Janelle sat on the couch in her now shared apartment with her boyfriend, Joshua, who, since it was a Sunday, had the day off just like she did.

They were watching 'Criminal Minds,' a show that Janelle could hardly watch before, at least, not if she wanted to sleep. But it didn't bother her much anymore. She was safe with Joshua, for sure. He not only had the mind of a Fox, but the strength of a bull; all Janelle currently worried about was that she'd end up waving a red cloth in his face, and he'd go wild.

She'd admit that, yes, undoubtedly, Joshua had anger issues. He was manipulative, and incredibly convincing. She had been told by Abby before that he was a total narcissist, and she definitely would not put it past him to be one.

The thing was, Janelle trusted him, even if only a little bit. He was all she had ever known, and from her experience, that was what a normal relationship should be like.

Despite Abby trying to prove her differently, she was quite content where she was. Just months ago, she was happy with him. Although she wondered what on earth possessed him to cheat, she forgave him now; He was clearly showing signs of remorse for what he had done, not to mention how much he really did care about her.

Laying on the couch still, Janelle stretched out, just slightly, her still aching feet brushing the side of Joshua's leg.

He jerked away, looking at her with his piercing blue eyes. "Babe, quit that."

She pulled her feet away, smiling sheepishly. "Sorry." She mumbled, before he looked back up at the TV.

As she looked back as well, her thoughts were no longer focused on the show, rather a pair of soft eyes, softer than Joshua's harsh pale blues. They seemed to be green, changing shades in whatever light they were in. For the life of her, she couldn't remember who they belonged to, or if she had dreamt them up for that matter. All she knew was, they gave her some sense of comfort and safety.

She blinked the vision away, returning her attention to the television. She still wondered who the soft green eyes belonged to, but she decided not to think about them anymore. She had Joshua, and that was as safe as she could get.

Ryan opened his eyes, attempting to let them adjust to the new sunlight in his room, before looking over at the digital alarm clock on his nightstand. It was half past noon, and though he knew he should be getting up and doing something productive, he only wanted to lay in bed, alone with his thoughts.

Already a month later, he still hadn't forgotten about Janelle. She seemed to always be on his mind, really, and he couldn't help but let her invade his thoughts, even when he was working on his music. Over the past month, he had felt a freeze in his life. He was less productive, and since everything he wrote accidentally came out about Janelle, he hadn't worked on anything new, although he was itching to record a new song.

He had quit taking Janelle coffees after that day, when he had seen her with the dark haired man. He wasn't doing it to get back at her; he only felt as if it would annoy her if he continued to bring her coffee when she was seeing someone. He didn't want to come off like he was doing it flirtatiously, especially since that wasn't really his intention in the first place. 

He let out a soft sigh, before reaching for his phone, picking it up from the nightstand. He turned it on, staring at the lock screen for a moment.

Sunday, he thought to himself. It's Sunday.

It felt as though that week had flown by, and he could've sworn that when he woke up, it would only be Friday. What annoyed him the most was that he hardly did anything that week, much less the two weeks before. 

He hadn't even gone out for his daily jogs, which he had always done every morning. He hardly had the energy, but he missed the fresh outdoor air.

He sat up, yawning and stretching a little, before getting out of bed, walking over to the window. He opened the curtain, squinting a little at first, but after his eyes adjusted, he looked around. The sun was up, and his neighbourhood full of life; seeing everyone enjoying the weather made him long for some sunshine as well.

So, after he changed out of his pajamas and put on his shoes, he headed outside. He stood for a moment on his front steps, taking a deep breath of the fresh afternoon air.

The scent was enough to bring him some momentary joy, and perhaps he would've felt that way longer if it wasn't interrupted by the typical feeling of loneliness. He wished he could go walking with someone else. They could hold hands, and maybe go down to his favourite coffee shop together.

But no, he was alone, and destined to be, it seemed.

He let out a soft sigh, slipping on a pair of sunglasses as he made his way down to the sidewalk, beginning to jog. He looked up at the sky, where there wasn't a single cloud to be seen; it was truly a gorgeous day, yet he couldn't help but feel like it'd be better if he had someone to enjoy it with.

He looked back down at his feet, watching as they hit the concrete, making a tapping sound as they did. He tried to concentrate on the rhythm to smooth his thoughts, until that became all he was thinking about.

He was succeeding, until something threw him off.

There was no longer just the sound of his feet on the concrete, but the sound of two other feet, running behind him.

He didn't glance back. Perhaps it was just that someone was only jogging as well. He decided to pick up his pace a little, and the sound of the footsteps behind him quickened as well.

He bit his lip, making a sudden turn, following the sidewalk where it turned down onto another street. To his surprise, he still heard the footsteps behind him, getting closer with every jog.

He swallowed, reaching up to wipe his sweaty brow as the realisation hit him;

He was being followed.