Heaven // Ryan Tedder

Chapter Forty; Missing Persons 1 & 2

After picking out Abby's dress, both she and Janelle went out for lunch, to a Japanese restaurant. Abby was talking as usual, however, Janelle was deep in thought once again, as she poked her chopsticks at a bite of sushi.

Part of her almost felt a little depressed, though she was unsure why. Things were the best they had been for her in months; she was happy, safe, and out of her unhealthy relationship. Only, she still had a nagging feeling that something was missing.

Perhaps seeing that dress had made it worse for her. She was all alone, and heaven knows when she'd actually wear a wedding dress and walk down the aisle, if the day would ever even come.

She felt lonely, however, she was still too afraid to fall in love and have her heart broken all over again. She had loved Joshua, and the fact that he didn't care about her in return really hurt her; scars like that don't just heal overnight.

She missed having the security of being in a relationship, she missed intimacy. And, although she knew Joshua didn't truly care about her, she missed being told that she was loved. If she wasn't so afraid, she'd jump into a relationship with Ryan, just for that security; She'd tell him that she loved him back, because she honestly did.

Yet, she held herself back. Why? She knew that Ryan would never hurt her, he would never be like Joshua. For the life of her, she didn't understand why she couldn't shake the feeling of fear. Was that what love was meant to feel like? Was it meant to be that hard?

Or maybe it was just her trauma from Joshua; he had caused her lines to be blurred. She didn't know what true love looked like, although she was sure it was right in front of her. She wanted to run to Ryan, she wanted to embrace him and tell him of her fears.

But something inside kept her from doing it.

With a soft sigh, Janelle finally picked up the piece of sushi, looking up at her friend, who was still speaking just as fast as she typically did, going on about who knows what. Janelle brought the bite up to her mouth, before lowering her chopsticks and running a hand through her hair.

She was still overthinking everything, and she was well aware of it. Everything around her only seemed to make her feel more stressed than she already was, and, though she wanted to be there for Abby, she wished she could just go back to Ryan's and lock herself in her room, just to be alone with her thoughts.

Seemingly noticing Janelle's troubled expression, Abby stopped talking, looking at her friend, her brown eyes full of worry.

"Janelle, what's up?" She asked softly, causing Janelle to let out a sigh.

"I don't know.." she mumbled, looking off to the side. "I just...feel a little sick."

That wasn't a lie; stress had always caused Janelle to feel nauseous, and currently, she felt as if she was about to throw up everything she had eaten that day.

She ran a hand through her hair, and Abby nodded. "Do you want me to take you home?" She Asked, to which Janelle nodded. "Okay, come on." Abby brought herself to her feet, and Janelle did as well, before the both of them fast-walked through the restaurant full of people, heading towards the doors.

Part of Janelle felt guilty for having Abby take her back to Ryan's; today was meant to be special, but her anxiety over her relationship situation had gotten the best of her. She could only hope that her friend would understand, and she knew, that being the kind person she was, she would.

The two made their way out of the restaurant and out to the car, where they both got inside, immediately buckling themselves in. As Abby pulled out of the parking lot, Janelle rested her head against the window, letting out a deep sigh and shutting her eyes.