Honeydew || dnf

Prologue

new book

enjoy

just as a heads up, there will be heavy topics in this book!! (anorexia, body image/dysmorphia, twisted thinking, etc) be prepared and read the tws!!!

TW: disordered eating/anorexia, disordered thinking, body shaming, toxic/manipulative relationship, body dysmorphia, breakup, twisted thinking

3rd Person P.O.V.

George stared at the mirror, his reflection seeming to taunt him. His eyes narrowed. The boy in the mirror looked like him... or at least George thought so. He hated what he saw in himself, every aspect of his appearance a flaw.

He had been relatively fine with his looks for the majority of his life, amazingly. Nobody had ever insulted his appearance in a way that mattered to him. It was only until recently that his self-image had tanked.

It started with a boy. His name was Ryan, and he had been George's boyfriend. He had jet-black hair, olive skin, and eyes that were so blue they seemed almost unnatural.

Ryan was toxic and manipulative toward George, but the brunette didn't realize it. At first, it was easy to shake off the comments.

~flashback~

"George, babe, you really need to lay off the carbs," Ryan remarked, pinching some of the skin on George's stomach. "You're getting fat."

"Oh..." The brunette glanced away, frowning. "Right. Sorry, Ry." The raven-haired man hummed, letting go of George.

"Thanks, babe. I love you!"

~flashback over~

George was blind to Ryan's manipulative nature. The toxic words were sandwiched between fake love and pet names. If you didn't think too much into it, then it was easy to miss. And that's exactly what happened to George.

~flashback~

"Ryan!" George called, frowning.

"Yes?"

"Where did you put the cookies? I swear I left them right here," George replied. There was a pause, then Ryan spoke up again.

"I hid them."

"What? Why?" George wondered, frowning.

"You know why, George," Ryan remarked. The brunette shrunk in on himself, grimacing.

George went into the bathroom, staring at himself in the mirror. "Am I really fat...?" He asked quietly, to no one in particular. His lips curved downwards into a frown, and he shook his head.

"No," he decided, tilting his head at his reflection. "I'm fine."

~flashback over~

It was fine. George was fine. He wasn't fat, nothing was wrong with him. It was all fine. It didn't even bother him.

...Okay, maybe it bothered him a little bit. But he could shake it off! George knew he had a fairly healthy diet, and that it was okay for him to have treats as long as that wasn't all he ate. He was fine.

~flashback~

"Babe! Ugh, get off me!" Ryan groaned, trying to push a giggling George away. The brunette kept laughing playfully, laying on top of Ryan.

"Make me!" George insisted, still giggling. Ryan's brows furrowed, pressing his lips into a thin line. 

"Ugh, George, you're so heavy!" George stopped laughing, eyes widening slightly. "God, go on a diet or something! Seriously!" The brunette's happiness burnt off quickly, replaced by a new feeling of shame.

"Sorry..." Embarrassed, George got off of his boyfriend, slinking away to the bathroom. He stared down his reflection, frowning at himself.

"Maybe Ryan was right... look at me! I have fat rolls... my thighs are too thick... even my face looks chubby!" George mumbled to himself, horror growing within him. Ryan was right! He had been gaining weight... how didn't he realize earlier?

George lifted up his shirt slightly, pinching his skin. He let go, quickly grabbing handfuls of his stomach, breathing starting to pick up.

"Oh my god..." He whispered, horrified by what he was seeing. He had denied it for so long... but now he knew.

Ryan had been right all along.

~flashback over~

After that day, George's eating habits tanked. Before, he would eat a healthy three square meals per day. But that quickly became three small meals, then three became two, and two became one. It all happened so quickly that George was feeling weak and nauseous for nearly a week before his body started to adapt to the new unhealthy habits.

Eventually, Ryan broke up with George, making sure to get one last hit in before he left.

~flashback~

"George, we need to talk." The brunette looked up, frowning slightly.

"Okay?" He replied nervously.

"Look... there's no way to put this lightly, but you... you're just not what I'm looking for in a partner," Ryan explained. George felt his heart drop. "I think we should break up."

"W-what?" George stuttered, shaking his head. "I don't- I don't understand, why?"

"It's just not working for me." Ryan shrugged, shaking his head. "Look, I've found a new place, and I'm moving there tomorrow. Trust me, this is for the best."

"Tomorrow...?" George repeated, dumbfounded.

"Tomorrow," Ryan confirmed. "I'm going to bed. Goodbye, George." Ryan went upstairs, leaving George in a state of hurt and disarray.

Was he not enough for Ryan? Was he too fat? Oh god, maybe Ryan gave up on him... but he's been trying so hard to lose weight... was it not enough?

~flashback over~

George fell asleep on the couch that night, not wanting to face Ryan. When he woke up, there was no trace of the other man, all evidence of him living there having practically dissipated overnight.

Most of the food was gone, too. Ryan must've taken it... George didn't care though, because he wasn't going to eat it. He would lose that weight and prove Ryan wrong.

That day marked the start of George's current eating habits: three plain crackers a day, plus a small weekly meal– which usually landed on a Sunday. That was all George allowed himself to have.

It was quite difficult to adapt to this new eating habit, but George had trained his stomach to handle the abuse. Sure, he had the occasional episode... but really, it wasn't that bad!

That's what George told himself, anyway. In reality, it was that bad. Maybe it was even worse than he thought.

He and Ryan had broken up a month and a half ago, and George's health had been deteriorating ever since. He was wasting away, trapped in a steep downward spiral with no way out. If something didn't change soon, George wouldn't be around much longer.

first chapter done ✅️

I wonder how long this book will take me to write (my guess is 2-3 months 😬)