I remember the exact moment your death became final and my brain finally accepted that you would never be coming back
I remember standing in my living room and dropping to my knees
I remember the way my body felt as it shook and contracted inward
I remember the gut wrenching cry that came out that I didn't know that I had been holding in
I remember screaming into the floor until I couldn't breathe just to inhale to scream again
I couldn't tell you how many times I did that
I remember my body folded over on itself worn tired and broken
I remember the way my soul felt like it had been ripped straight out of my body
I remember the pain so much and so often it should be a permanent scar on my body
I remember not feeling like that until months after you were already gone
I remember I kept telling myself you were just still away
That in a few weeks or a few months you'd come back
I remember Christmas, the first without you
I remember it all hitting me that night
How long does I have on this ticking clock
Before I feel that way again
YOU ARE READING
With Shaking Hands
PoetryWith shaking hands is a collection of poetry I've created over the span of three years, here you'll find poems about, love, loss, growth, recovery. May you find a safe space here, may you find peace here.
