Elora is forced to come face to face with her past, and everything goes south from that moment forwards.
#4 in buckybarnes
#2 in darkfanfic
#2 in jamesbarnes
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2 days later *Tawny's bar - 6:38am*
After my so-called meeting which was frankly nothing more like an ambush; I ran straight back into the comforting arms of the life that I have spent the last five years creating, acting as if that meeting did not just happened and that my life wasn't falling apart right in front of me.
For two days, I have been on a constant edge due to the abrupt appearance of Bucky Barnes.
I had walked into the conference room blind, I had no idea what I was supposed to expect but it definitely wasn't that - I had been blindsided and I was the one paying the consequences for that.
Every time that I'd go to blink, the exact moment that I locked eyes with Bucky, for what felt like the first time in forever, would corrupt my head. Every time that I would go to turn a corner, I would fear so deeply that I was going to collide into him and I'd have no escape. Every time that I tried to push back any thought of him, they would always creep their way back in and I'd become engulfed.
It had been over eight years since I had last saw Bucky, and in that time everything that I had once known about him had slowly slipped away, so all that I was left with was what I had created in the back of my head, and I had pictured that for so long that it had started to become my truth, so having to see him physically and being able to see that he had been okay throughout all this time I had envisioned him in despair, was actual fucking torture.
I have always imagined the moment that I would come face to face with Bucky for the first time; and I had always imagined that he had nothing, that he was nothing. I had imagined him to represent what had happened to us, my heart and my entire life.
I imagined him to be completely shattered, just like the state that I was left in.
But that was not the same man that I knew eighty years ago, looking into his eyes you could tell that he had no recollection to anything. It was as though he had wiped everything clean, that he was a blank canvas waiting to be painted.
And I unfortunately, envied Bucky for that.
What I have always wanted was to be able to forget everything like Bucky has so clearly done. I wanted to be able to wipe my life clean and start fresh, I wanted to be able to get rid of everything that I once knew without having to doubt doing it, I wanted to become a new soul trapped in my old body.
But instead, I was stuck remembering the old Bucky and our past which I will never be able to wipe clean because it has been permanently etched into me, it has become a part of who I am.
Forever.
Two days ago, I had switched my phone off due to being hit with the sudden urge to isolate myself from everything and everyone.
A small apart of me had felt betrayed by every person that was in that conference room alongside me; that part of me felt betrayed because they all knew that Bucky was going to be there, they all knew about our past, they all knew about my feelings towards him but not a single person decided to give me any sort of forewarning.
