"I was starting to like the idea of you and I . "
- Becky's' point of view
The way he looked into my eyes before we even touched lips made me feel loved. Not some cheap kind of love guys make you settle with for a temporary thing , I've been there at least twice and this wasn't it. This was different. He was different. Austin is different. Normally I wouldn't kiss the guy on the first date but with Austin, I could feel things starting to change in me. He grew on me quickly and the way he treated me made me feel like I was worth it.
The reasons for the kissing him part were still unclear to me. Or maybe not, I just hadn't chosen which reason it had been. I knew I had felt something for Austin, something so strong that made me want to keep kissing him. I couldn't bear with the fact that I wanted him so badly. I knew now that I liked him. Maybe a little too much.
***
I stared into his hazel golden eyes as he told me those words. I wanted him to repeat them again. How could a boy I had barely known for at least two weeks make me want to immediately be with him. The kiss, I admit was one thing that pleased me in so many ways, but this feeling. This feeling I can't get out of my heart.
"Austin I umm think uh-- h I think it's time to go." I stuttered to get that out of me. D*mn , not sure if what left me speechless was the way he kissed me or his words right after. Also, not sure how to feel about him. "Mahone what are you doing to me" those words came across my mind as I gathered my stuff to leave.
Austin paid as I waited patiently outside of the restaurant. I told him I didn't want to get in the way of the worker trying to serve the food and also because fresh air seemed like a good idea. "Hey." I heard his familiar voice say as he came out of the warmth of the restaurant. I gave him a brief smile as I rocked on my heels back and forth.
"Mexican food was good." He said as he placed his hand around my waist to move me away from the entrance of the restaurant. "It's the best" I smirked, "I mean c'mon you have to admit it." I elbowed him on his side. We both laughed for a while and as we kept walking back to the train it got quiet.
"So back there." I said. I could feel his gaze on me. I wanted to turn around and look at him too but the thought of just making simple eye contact with him made my stomach do flips. My breathing was steady up to the point where he spoke.
"I want to apologize for kissing you." He said looking forward this time giving me a chance to glance at him. I inspected him for what seemed like forever and less than 10 seconds. "But" he paused, "I am not at all sorry." And that's when I knew how much this "like" thing wasn't going to work out or last.
A smiled curved on the left side of my lips. But then on a serious level, "What you said back there right after the--"
"The kiss?" He interrupted.
"Yes." I nodded, this time we both froze looking at each other in the middle of wherever. I wanted to know if he was a joke back there. If he meant it. I couldn't go around life trusting everyone, with my feelings.
"You want to know if I meant it?" He asked. I knew he could see it in my eyes that knowing truth from wrong killed me. Indeed it did, my eyes didn't lie to him, my eyes couldn't lie to him and I didn't even know why. "I like you, Becky." He picked up my hand from my side and he held on.
He held on tight. His thumb rubbed gently above the top of my hand where my knuckles began. "And ever since the day I layed my eyes on you, god that day." He rolled his head back smiling. "Becky that day, I liked you. And this could be the stupidest thing you've ever heard, but it's the truth." I could feel him being honest.
"It's something out of a movie or whatever but it's what I feel." I could feel it , I seriously could and this feeling for him was stronger than before at the restaurant. "And up to this day, everything has changed because it became more than just liking you." His breathing. "I am in love with you." My ears couldn't believe what they have heard.
I looked up and down at him and this situation hoping that this would somehow change. Not that I wanted it to but it just felt so soon. It really did, how can someone love another for such while. "And you know what's the worst part?" He lifted my chin up and my eyes made close contact with him. My eyes questioned him as if they were asking him 'what was the worst part of this whole thing' ...
"The worst part is that I love you and already told you but I don't even know if you feel the same way." He took in deep breaths . He could almost look pale but he wasn't. I want to tell him, I really do but I cant get any words out of my mouth. I looked at him and all I saw was the look of rejection. I saw it his eyes and I didn't want him to feel this way. I was about to tell him that I loved him too but as much as id like to admit to this I didn't even know if this was even real, not the part where he told me he loved me or the part where I believed it. I wanted to know if my feelings for him were real. I had barely known him that well.
"There's no such thing as love at first sight" I repeated to myself. I looked down at his hand holding on tight to mine. his thumb still rubbing in slow motions against my hand. I concentrated on our hands. I wasn't holding on tight, I was almost numb. Almost. I knew he was still there, his eyes, still there, looking down at my five feet self. He wanted me to answer, to give him a sign, and just as I was about to, he let go.
