Wings of Fire As Humans

[13] The Four Elements Of Life

TW!!
This chapter has a violent death mentioned in it so if you're sensitive to the topic, skip this chapter. Enjoy!

^Moon^

For as much as I wanted to stay home and sleep on a Monday night, I had to attend my father's execution. The thing that surprised me was how scared I was. I was never scared before. Well, only after I vowed myself not to be. Even my brother looked nervous, which was not exactly surprising, but it didn't make me any more braver.

All my life I've been told that death wasn't something to be scared of because it meant peace. If peace is so violent to get to, is it really worth it? I asked my mom that before. She told me getting peace could also be very nice. She said that you could be laying on your bed with all your family members around you before you took your last breath. I wanted that death, not the one father was going to get. But I can't choose that. I can't know.

That's why I decided not to be scared. Because being scared of death will make it much worse when you get there. That's why I tried to get to that peace when I was eight. Well, I didn't really know what in the world I was doing. I didn't know that maybe I could have a happy life after all. I was desperate. Desperate for Pizza Heaven, because that's where all the peace was. That's where I wanted to go. That's where I wanted to thrive. And I thought Deathbringer was going to go there with me.

But he didn't.

He was too scared after I did it. He suddenly decided that he wanted me to be in this wretched world with him. I could've had peace by now. I could've been happy. All I keep doing is ruining things so why be here when my existence is becoming everyone else's problem? I didn't talk to Deathbringer for months after he saved my life because now the chance of peace was far, far away. I was never allowed near weapons after that. And so the pain began again. That's when I decided I wasn't going to be scared ever again.

And still, I let the same person repeatedly worsen me. But he said that he loved me during it. I love you, I love you, I love you was all he said. I love you, and don't forget it. So I thought he was the good person. I thought it was normal. I thought that it happened to everyone, so being mad was impossible. Being mad was nonessential. Crying was for babies, even though I was one at the time. Being scared was for the weak.

But here I am, scared out of my mind.

Scared of death.

Sitting in that room with my mom on my left side and Deathbringer on my right, I trembled and crumpled in fear. This is horrifying. But I needed to be the brave one. I needed to breath and be the strong one. Weakness gets you nowhere. Weakness gets you instant death. A violent one.

Our grandmother, Quickstrike, was also there. Including Morrowseer's new wife and new kids. He had made something of himself. He has a new family to replace the one he hurt so much. His new wife has tears rolling down her face but looked extremely angry at the same time. Both his children were weeping and burying their heads into their mother's chest, hiding their face. He's hurting more people than I thought. He has a new wife that he never hurt and who still loves him. He also has two children. Well, four if he counts Deathbringer and me. I don't.

I turned my attention off his new family and saw Deathbringer gripping the chair as he sat there and stared forward, eyes red. I nudged him to try and calm him down but without even a warning, he grabbed my hand and didn't let go. He also didn't look at me, knowing I'd probably tell him to let go. But I didn't. Instead, I reached over and held mother's hand, who gave me a weak smile and took a shaky breath. I saw Morrowseer's new wife gently clasp hands with mom, and I smiled. Everyone was now holding hands, even Quickstrike.

I remembered that they said we could bring only three people with us to this execution. I didn't bring anyone. It's not their problem to worry about. Deathbringer didn't bring anyone either, because it was just family. Just people Morrowseer's related to, because they were now apart of the family tree he had ruined. But as all of us held hands, I realized something.

I realized that this is a good thing. I realized that him dying would put us all in a state of relief. Because he can't hurt us more than he has already. He can't ruin our lives. Not that he could ruin them even more than he has already. But that's the thing. No thing and no one can ruin someone's life. Because lives will never be ruined. Lives are what prove we are humans and what prove we all make mistakes, sometimes really bad ones. But a life ruined is just an exaggeration of a sad person. A sad person thinking there's by far no hope left for them. But hope isn't a thing that runs out. It's renewable. You make it.

And that's what I was currently doing. Creating hope for a new life. A new beginning.

Daffodil.

How can one create such high hopes? How can one bear all of this and have the faintest thought of happiness? Happiness doesn't exist in the real world, and yet it is where we all thrive. It's where we laugh and smile and cry. It's where we tell someone we love them, but they leave us in this world by ourselves. It's where we see fantasies that we want to exist in. It's where we see people who look "better" than us, so we fill our minds with hurtful junk. We go through problems, breakups, segregation, murders, wars, suicides, pains, and hatred. Because this world does not support happiness. It simply doesn't exist.

Hope does.

Daffodil. Gladiolus.

Sitting in that chair staring through the glass window at my father who was on the other side was me. Crying me. Weak me. Because now I was soft. Now I was everything that indicated pain. I was crying, weeping almost. I needed to feel loved. I was, but I didn't feel it. I was beautiful. Didn't feel it. I was brave, confident, outgoing. I didn't feel it. Because pain takes away all the beauty one holds. Makes one feel less than others. It gives one a taste of the real world that is not a fairy tale. That does not give you a fantasy fate. Because fate doesn't exist either. No universe decides your ending. You do. You decide what you want to be, who you want to be. Who you marry, how many kids you have, where you go, what you do, who you serve... it all comes down to you and no one can change that. Pain can. Because pain can put people in a state of depression that destroys one's future. Pain can lead to nothing but sorrow.

Pain, yes.

Daffodil. Gladiolus. Marigold.

We all sat there as he refused to say his last words, since they couldn't be bad. And when they strapped him to the electric chair and started it, I saw my brother slam his eyes shut as his angry tears streamed down his face. They were scared ones too. Father violently jerked and a muffled scream came from him as he continued shaking. But after all this, he'll be at peace like the rest of us will when he's gone. Because peace is the closest thing to happiness. Peace is what makes one's thoughts calm and controlled. Peace keeps two brothers, two sisters, two countries, and a family together united. Even a broken family can feel relieved being at peace. Even an empty one. And as I closed my eyes, I felt my new beginning starting.

One at peace, yes.

Daffodil. Gladiolus. Marigold. Lavender.

<3