Lipstick Stains

II - Simula

Leni

Was it worth it? Choosing to work when I could've been with her? No. Never.

But for her sake, for our sake, I had to. And I also had to pay for the price of it.

Kaya for the second time in my life, I watched the woman I love walk away from me, shattering my heart into little pieces.

"Ang tanga mo." Kiko entered my office, sitting down the chair on the front of my desk.

"Mukha bang hindi ko alam 'yun? I watched her walk away again, Kiko. Sa tingin mo ba ginawa ko lahat nang ginawa ko para lang panoorin siyang umalis?"

"So bakit hindi mo pinigilan?"

"Pinigilan ko...or at least sinubukan kong pigilan."

"Oh, ano nangyari?"

"Hungon na daw. Hindi na worth it ipaglaban."

"Bakit ba kasi ang busy mo?"

"Alam mo kung bakit."

"Actually, I don't. For someone who spent all her life balancing so many things at once, hindi ko alam kung bakit ka nahihirapan dito. May iba ka na ba?"

"Okay ka lang?" I stared at him in disbelief.

Why would people even think I'm cheating on Risa when it was never even in my plan to get into a relationship after Jesse.

"May iba ka na ba?" He repeated.

"Wala! Syempre, wala. Do you think I'm the type of person who would cheat on anyone?"

"No. Kaya nga nagtataka ako sa'yo. This isn't you, Leni."

"I'm not cheating on her, Kiko. I could never cheat on her."

Kiko sighed, seeing the defeated look on my face. Tumayo siya and approached me, wrapping me in a hug. I'm not an easy crier, and I never liked crying in front of people, but I needed this.

I broke down in his arms, cursing myself over and over again.
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"Kate, nandyan ba sa office si Sen. Risa?"

I called Risa's office to ask if she was around kasi I wanted to visit her. Kailangang-kailangan ko siyang makausap. Tuloy pa rin ako sa pagtatrabaho but like always, hindi ko maalis si Risa sa isip ko.

"Yes po, Ma'am."

"Okay, pupunta ako dyan."

"Sorry, Ma'am, bawal po."

"Bawal? Bakit bawal?"

"Si Sen. Risa na po mismo nagsabi na 'wag raw po kayong papapasukin dito. Sayang lang po punta niyo kung hindi rin po kayo makakapasok."

I was silent after I heard that. She wasn't responding to my texts, she didn't pick up my calls, I would try to pick her up from work or go to her house early para maihatid siya, pero wala. Ayaw niya talaga.

"Ma'am?" Kate called my attention.

"Ano 'yun?"

"I know it's not my place to say this pero she misses you. Hindi niya po maamin sa sarili niya pero kitang-kita po naming lahat na namimiss ka niya."

"Sorry, Kate. I don't think there's anything I can do anymore."

"There is. You won her over, you can win her back." Napatigil ako sa sinabi niya. I did win her over, didn't I?

"Naappreciate ko 'to, Kate. Maraming salamat."

"Go, Ma'am! We're rooting for the both of you po."

------------------

I sent her flowers two days ago. Only to see them get thrown out directly to the bin. I sent her food yesterday, only to see her give it to other people.

I'm waiting for her right now, outside of her house, knowing na dadating na siya maya-maya galing sa work. Nakasandal lang ako sa kotse, reading the work updates on my phone.

A van stopped in front of me and she climbed down, shock on her face as she noticed my presence.

"Risa," I began.

"Leave." She said coldly, sparing me not one look.

"No. Let's talk."

"No din. Leave now."

"Please, kahit saglit na oras lang. Mag-usap lang tayo."

"Wala kang oras para sa'kin, wala na din akong oras para sa'yo. Leave or I'll call your PSG para sunduin ka dito."

My heart ached. But I didn't want to give up. Not yet, hindi pa ako tapos. Hindi pa kami tapos.

"I'm sorry, Ris." I whispered, tears finally falling down my face.

"I'm sorry too. But please leave."

I looked at her one more time before sighing and getting inside my car, driving away. She may have pushed me away tonight but that didn't diminish my resolve in any way.

It hurts, and I know it would for the days to come, but I'm winning her back.

------------------

"Leni, tama na."

Gumuho 'yung mundo ko. I felt my heart drop, my hands shake harder than they've ever did before, and chills run down my spine. The tears are coming next. I knew they were.

But they didn't.

Instead, my chest ached and I found it harder and harder to breathe. I opened my phone again and a part of me hoped and wished na kapag tinignan ko 'yung phone ko, hindi ko na makikita 'yung text niya.

"Putangina," I whispered under my breath. "Putangina talaga."

I propped down the floor and hugged my knees close to my chest.

"Do you mean that?" I finally replied.

"I'm sorry. Pero wala tayong pinatutunguhan." She replies not even a minute later. Hindi pa rin ako umiiyak but I was shaking in disbelief.

Tangina, bakit ko hinayaang umabot kami sa gan'to?

"Paano kung ayaw kong sumuko?"

"You have to. Masasaktan ka lang lalo."

"Liligawan kita ulit. Ipapaalala ko sa'yo kung bakit mo ako pinili."

"Hindi na kailangan."

"Is this it? The end of us?

"I'm sorry. But yes."

"I love you, Risa."

"I love you too."

"So bakit hindi na pwede?"

"Kasi isa 'to sa mga laban na dapat na nating bitawan."

"I'm sorry." I sent once. Twice. Thrice. Hindi na siya nagreply.

I sobbed, releasing all the tension in my body that I've been holding in. I tried to win her back. And at one point nagkaro'n ako ng pag-asa na baka pwede. Baka kaya ko pang ayusin.

Then she sent me that text tonight, bringing me to my knees as everything else came crashing down on me.

"Leni?" A familiar voice called from outside the condo.

I opened the door and saw Kit standing there.

He held a clear envelope in his hands. "Is this it?" I asked.

"Oo. Pirma mo na lang ang kulang."