OC writing

Jesse, and his death

Jesse knew what was going to happen before it was even able to be predicted. He felt it in the very air he breathed, and every bone in his body told him he was going to die today. He prided himself on his ability to sense things, but it was a lot less riveting when you became the prey. He gone home that night with an solemnness to him. What was once panic had settled into an odd wave of calm and conflicting emotions, like extreme anger, or pangs of fear that lead to ....nothing. Absolutely nothing. He expected to be more distraught over this, maybe laughing too much, or even shaking out of fear, but he was calm and collected. He always was. He walked straight past his wife, not paying her the time of day when she kept asking him what was wrong.

One of his biggest regrets was marrying her. He wonders if he could've found someone better- maybe stuck around with Phobos. Ha! He couldn't believe he ever tried to rethink his life for someone who died so early on. So, here he was, at 31- still wondering what his life would've been like had he chose vastly different options in life. Had he been able to control the uncontrollable, too.

He always wondered what his life would be like differently. Ever since he was a kid, getting that first taste of pure, human cruelty. Jesse mourned himself, sometimes. Not with tears or anything if the sort, no.  He wouldn't start now.

He pushed through the door to the living room, where he seen his oldest, Kit. He motioned for him to follow, quickly blocking his wife or any other family members from following.
He had to deliver an important message, and Kit was the only person he wanted to speak with. He looked down at the ten year old, eyes piercing- judging. He squatted down to his height, making sure to meet eye to eye. An intimidation tactic that he used so very often- and this would be the last time. The last time he'd ever feel big, powerful, or in control of a situation.

"If you ever become like me, I'll kill you. If I ever hear you used the dark arts, I'll kill you. Don't you dare think about setting a foot out of line if you think I won't know about it. Don't make mistakes that you'll come to regret."

He felt bad for the fear that was etched onto Kit's face, that soon turned into understanding. He agreed. They both knew what was happening, it seemed. He never seen a ten year old look so resigned in his life. It was depressing. He stood up, nodded to his son, let him know that he was going to be the oldest man of the house from here on out. Duties, all of that good stuff. And then Jesse left, completely ignoring everyone else. They just thought he was mad- except for Kit. His son watched him leave with sad eyes, but he didn't cry. Held himself together for everyone else, because that was Jesse's final wish.

Jesse's biggest regret was not being there for his kids. He wouldn't say his 'family' - he was far more selective than that. Even if he was away for an amount of years in prison before his escape, he knew he raised good kids. Strong kids, ones that never knew the horrors he ever gone through, and they never would. They got the childhood he wanted, or as close to it as Jesse could provide. Hell, he was a dark wizard, so whatever he done, it reflected in his family. But that's wasn't his main problem. They were mentally safe. They never felt the touch of the Cruciatus curse, and they were never told how weak they are for not being able to handle pain.

He hated that he had to depart from them so soon. This was, truthfully, one of the only times Jesse ever thought about anyone but himself. A rarity, when you see his track record. He never did. That's just how much his children meant to him.

The meeting with his boss was tense. Something in the air that once again signaled death- Jesse overstepped his bounds. They both knew he killed within his own ranks, too. Jesse didn't put up as much of a fight as he usually would have. He let himself die. For better or for worse, he knew the time would come sooner or later. The sick thing about justice is that it stops for nobody and nothing. He knew fate didn't give a damn about him being a good father, a loving family man. That same loving family man also killed other fathers, other families. He took away what he was living- and he had no right to be mad about getting the exact same treatment. So he wasn't. He kept a calm face even while he was bleeding out onto the ground, his blood staining the marble floor.

Jesse was not going to make it out of here alive, he could tell. His final thoughts were surprisingly peaceful. He expected- wanted, even- to be angry at this. To go down cursing someone's name and bloodline as a final act of revenge, but he couldn't. Why was he focusing on his kids? Was this what love feels like? Yes, he concluded in his final moments- it was. It was a sick, twisted version of what is shown, but it was still there. He wore a grin on his face when he died. He simply couldn't believe how sweet this moment was. Part of him was glad he was an Occlumens. Nobody got to see him, and his emotions. Even after all of this, he still was bothered by the notion of vulnerability.

Huh. Some things really don't change. He hated how he became what he was so terrified of when he was younger. He wonders how much of a disappointment he'd be in the eyes of a younger him. He didn't want to think of that, either.

He felt a final wave of calm before it was lights out. How underwhelming.