If I Die Tonight | h.s. sequel

{20} lean on

All we need is somebody to lean on

-Lean On (Major Lazer and DJ Snake)

--/--

I stayed inside my room. I didn't dare move. Because if I moved, then maybe the slap would linger even more.

I was quietly sat on my bed, hands folded as I stared down at them with intensity greater than life itself. I realized all these little hands have gone through ever since I first met Harry.

They have held guns, knives, blood, alcohol, drugs, and Harry. But everything evened out. Because I was holding Harry. And that's all that mattered, really.

But not now. Now, all I heard is the banging of my bedroom door, the creaking of the wooden boards, and the chatter outside my room. My heartbeat was loud inside of my head. Tears blurred my vision, but I refused to let them fall.

The door opened, all chattering calmed down and the first tear slipped my eye, which I quickly wiped away. Looking up, I saw Michael, a sick expression on his face.

He looked at me for a while, seeing as he hadn't seen me so broken in a while. A long while. Michael pressed his cold hand on the spot where Harry had previously slapped me, and I leaned into it, holding it in place with my hand.

We stayed like that for a while, the cool temperature of Michael's hand helping the pain settle down. I took a look at his face. His eyes were red, there were bags under his eyes, and his face was puffy.

I looked away from him for a quick second, and looked at the door, where many people stood, the same look in their faces. That's when I knew something happened.

Michael let out a breath, dropped his hand from my face in order to hold my hands, still neatly folded on my lap, "It's Ashton and Jersey."

"What about them?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"They're dead."

They couldn't be dead.

They shouldn't be.

I let go of Michael's hands and stood up, my legs stretching out. I looked out the window to see the familiar scenery, one that I wanted to re-paint now.

How could they die?

They weren't supposed to.

Not according to Dani.

Dani.

That fucking bitch gave me the wrong information.

I breathed. Tears finally free falling from my eyes, not even bothering to stop. I saw Harry's car and he arrived, got off, looked up at me, and sprinted in.

I didn't care about Harry outside the window.

I didn't care about everyone in my room.

I cared about Dani and her fucking lies.

Harry pushed past the whole crowd that was surrounding me, a crowd filled with the people I most loved. As soon as he broke through that barrier, I could feel his gaze one.

He tried to speak.

I wouldn't let that happen.

"Get the fuck out." I muttered, hoping not to make a scene.

He stammered, "I-I didn't know I hurt you tha-"

My voice raised, finally turning around and taking a look at Harry. He wasn't drunk or high and he hadn't been crying. He was fine. I wasn't. "Get away from me."

"What the hell happened? Why are you all-" Harry looked around at his weeping companions and realized something much greater had happened. Something out of his control.

"Take him away from me, p-please," I begged to no one in particular. I had nothing to tell them aside from that. I couldn't think of words.

Liam, bless his soul, stood up for me, "Come on, Harry, let's not bother her now."

"No! I need to be here for her. Let me talk to her," Liam had caught a hold on Harry and as hard as Harry tried, he couldn't escape Liam's grip, no matter how hard he tried.

"P-Please," I broke down, sobs escaping my mouth as Michael came to my rescue, keeping me in his arms. This made Harry snap.

"Let me go, Liam! She's mine. Let me talk to her," Harry yelled and squirmed and kicked, his voice getting lower as he said these words, "Let me talk to my baby."

"She doesn't want to talk to you," Michael informed him, making Harry blow up, his face turning red and the room getting hot.

"Don't talk, Michael. Let me see you, Jane. Please, I love you. I don't want to see you like this. I'll never do it again. Jane, please, I love you," Harry begged, his voice breaking every now and then. This made my own heart break a little.

He hadn't said those words in so long.

"Jane, please," Harry begged, no longer shouting to get away.

"Harry, leave, I'm not going to say it again," I told him, getting away from Michael for a second until Liam and Niall teamed up to take Harry out of there.

Everyone left except for Mac, Lee and Perrie. Us four were the last ones standing, making my heart hurt. We all broke down sobbing, hugging each other with all our might and all our souls. We cried. And we cried.

We cried for Ashton, and his happy little dance every time he found out he had won an argument. We cried for the pain he went through. We cried because he was destined for greater things. We cried because he could never keep still. We cried because he couldn't go to class. We cried for his ambition and love.

We cried for Jersey and how much she adored chocolate. We cried for her bright eyes and her kind heart. We cried for all that she was, and all that she had. We cried because of her lost future as a CEO. We cried because of the babies she wanted to have. We cried for her talents, and for her desserts. We cried for her courage. We cried for what she brought to the table, her kind heart.

Sadly, that was as close as they would to a written eulogy from us. We could never actually say all these things, because they were ours to keep.

As we settled down, we sat on the floor, all cuddling up against one another. Everything was quiet. We tried not to cry because if we did, then we would all start again. We tried our best.

Lee spoke, "You're gonna have to face him, Jane."

"I know, just not right now."

We quieted down. Everything was calm once again.

Until Harry went on a rampage.