Lies

Chapter 10

tw:suicide😱

Hours later, it was dark outside. There was a crisp chill in the air but no wind.

I woke up with a pool of blood surrounding me in the closet. My head pounded as I pushed myself upright. I couldn't take this anymore. How was I supposed to? It felt like everything around me was collapsing. My already broken life had shattered into even more pieces, harder to pick up and put back together.

A wave of anger washed over me as I put my hands on the door of the cupboard. I began to pound on it with my fists. I wanted out of there. I hit it and I hit it, small sobs of of sadness and anger racked through me as I hit the door harder and harder. I could feel it staring to budge. I didn't care if my dad heard me as I did this, he was probably blackout drunk anyway.

Finally, the door snapped open revealing my kitchen. Shakily I stood up and walked to the sink. I grabbed a rag and ran it under cold water and placed it on my cuts. It stung.

My hands were bloodied and splintered from beating the door. They shook as I patted my leg with a giant gash on it. The room smelt like blood, all copper-ish, and it looked like blood too, in the moonlight. The curtains infront of the sink were red and the
light from the moon shining through them put a glow on the kitchen to tint it red as well. I wanted to leave... I hated blood. But I was never going to get away from it. My body would always be covered in scabs and scars and bruises. All purple, blue, and red.

"Out," I said aloud. "I need out of here." I wasn't sure in the moment what I wanted 'out' of. My house, this life, or this world.

Finally feeling courage, I limped to the outside of my house and left.

What would I do if someone saw me hobbling around on the streets? I mean, I probably looked like a zombie. I needed a place to be alone or to hide. Using whatever strength I had left, I ran through the night. I let the air move through my fingers as I stretched my arms out like I was flying. There was no sounds to be heard, only my feet on the dewy grass. The hill I was on lead to the bridge that stretched over a small river. I walked up towards it and touched the material of the bridge with my fingers, my fingers that were raw from previous escaping. All I wanted to do now was escape again... from everything.

The distance between the bridge to the ground looked so tempting. If I stood on the tips of my toes and shifted my weight, I would fall into the darkness of the river. I would be flying as I fell, only for a short second, but the last thing I would ever do is fly. It sounded even better as I thought about. So tempting.

But then I thought of Eli. He wouldn't have wanted me to give up, but in the end, he had given up. If I shifted my weight on the bridge I could join him wherever he was. I still didn't know though, was he real, or a figment of my imagination?

My body and my mind struggled with each other as I decided to lay down on the hill. The bridge would still be here in the morning. But if I jumped now, I wouldn't be.

I was too tired to make the decision anyways. So, I laid my head down and fell fast asleep on the hill of dew covered grass.

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