loving you is a losing game - avery x jameson

chapter 8 - in and out

I SLIPPED IN and out of consciousness, some dreams, some conversations.

 I remembered waking as Nash picked me up. 

I heard Grayson and Jameson fighting, yelling at each other, but they were against themselves. They were tearing themselves apart. I knew someone had done this to them before, but I couldn't quite grasp who it was, and then it all faded back to black.

I saw myself dealing a poker game, watching my opponents faces and body language. 

I saw myself sitting in my car, looking through my mom's postcards, now knowing that there was writing on the back. 

I saw my life before all of this. Before the Hawthornes, before the inheritance. 

I saw how much I had changed. 

BLACK.

I heard crying, and someone trying to comfort them. 

Max's voice. And someone. I wasn't sure who, yet. Well, not until I heard "My Beautiful Maxine". That solved it. Max was crying, saying "it's all my fault" over and over, and Xander was comforting her. 

I tried to focus on what they were saying, tried to keep myself conscious, but Xander started kissing her tears away, and it all came rushing back. 

I saw myself. 

Slipping away from Max's bedroom. 

Running down the stairs. Missing the last one and falling. 

There was a bang, like a gunshot. 

I was limp on the ground. 

I saw Grayson and Jameson look at me in shock. Horror. They started fighting. 

Nash shut up both of them, and picked me up. 

He carried me to my bed, and called Oren and Alisa. 

I could see him pacing back and forth frantically. I tried to keep watching, but it faded away, like every other dream.

The next few were a blur. 

I saw glimpses of Oren sitting there, head in hands. 

I saw Libby crying, tears running down her perfect face. She was telling me stories. I focused on her. 

"You know, Ave, I remember our first night as sisters. You hated me. Well, you hated the whole world at that point. I don't think you quite love it now, but it's a work in progress." She giggled to herself. 

"Anyway, your mom had died about a week before and I took you in, because, well, because you're my sister. You didn't like me, I remember. You walked in, straight past me, and went to the couch and fell asleep. Me, being the person that I am, put blankets over you and got you some cushions. You were so peaceful, but look at you now. Ave, I'm so proud of you. You've done so much stuff that I could never do, but we need you back. I don't know if you can hear this, but Ave. I need you..."

I heard another voice. Someone was shakily telling me something. A female voice, but not Libby. Or Max. Thea? I thought. I listened in to what they were saying. 

"Avery, please don't do this to me. I know that I'm serious, or that I'm hard on you, but I love you, and I need you to come back to us. To me." 

Alisa. 

"I don't know what to do. You are my job, my career. If something happens to you, I lose everything. I know that I may seem harsh, but I'm just so stressed!" She dropped her head into her hands. I tried to reach out a hand to her, but all I felt was pain, and then black.

The last one, I couldn't tell if it was a dream or reality. 

It was Jameson and Grayson again, arguing. 

"I drew a line between us, Jamie. I stayed away-" Grayson started. 

"Yeah, and kept yourself safe on the other side." Jameson finished. "You know, I was fine. Avery and I were fine. No strings attached. That's what she wanted. I convinced myself that she was just a riddle. One last puzzle to be solved by the old man, but somewhere, somehow, I stopped playing. Est unus ex nobis. Nos defendat eius." 

I knew those words. I replayed them in my mind, trying to figure out when and where I had heard them. 

I flashed back to Grayson, at the Foundation. 

He had said those words to Jamie. 

Just how Jamie had replied then, Grayson now said "Scio." 

"Then protect her, and not yourself for once." Jameson walked out. 

It all went...