Darmiyaan

(2) Rishikesh

Rishtoon ko naam dena kitna mushkil kaam hai. Ek alfaaz unn saare paalon ke kaise zahir kar sakta hai jo do logo ne ek saath mehsoos kiya.

Akshara struggled to communicate what she shared with Haider to others throughout college. She hadn't given their relationship much thought - they were just Haider and Akshu. Forever in each other's lives. A constant. When people began to question their proximity, she was tongue-tied.

If a relationship born out of family is what she shared with siblings and the relationship she built with Abhimanyu was out of love, then where would Haider fall? They'd never been lovers. Though, he'd tease her often. Too often, if you asked Abhimanyu. They were too close in age to see each other as 'siblings.' Friend seemed to be the only option left, but 'friend' never felt enough. 'Friendship,' a title given so freely in this day and age, could not encompass all the support, respect, and delight they found in each other's company. He was just her person; the Alex to her Meredith.

There was a time when she couldn't get up in the mornings had it not been for him.

Two weeks after she arrived in Rishikesh for college, the depression hit her. She'd never felt more orphaned than now, away from her city, her family, and the life she'd known. Her brothers reassured her on the phone that everyone was physically okay, but it didn't calm her stress. Instead, it made her feel worse. 'Everyone seems indifferent to my absence. They're okay, yet I'm not,' she thought. Sightseeing and college did little to soothe her tense soul. Akshara decided she'd rather stay in bed, hoping to fall asleep before she fell apart. The next three years seemed unfathomable, and she'd be lying if she hadn't thought about running back home or worse.

But Haider came running to her aid. She hadn't said much, for she didn't want to burden everyone. Unbeknownst to Akshara, her silence said it all. While they were on the phone, her voice would hitch whenever she'd lie about her excitement, and it was raspy! Akshu, full of life with a childish decorum, could never have a hoarse voice unless she was overcome with tears.

Every morning he'd barge into her room, rummage through her closet and give her an outfit to wear. He said, "if you're going cry your eyes out, you might as well do it while you're looking good." Most people would pressure her to talk about her feelings or go on and about, but Haider was gentle. He'd bring her breakfast and sit by her side. Sometimes he'd even sleep over on the couch in her room because he was concerned.

It astonished Akshara to see this sensitive and mature side of Haider. He always hid it behind his mischievous exterior, always plotting a prank to distract everyone from the storm in his mind.

His company and his care were enough for her. When he'd wrap his arm around her shoulder and give her a small hug, she'd remember she wasn't alone in this world. But when he looked at her with pride and wonder, she remembered she was someone.

"Akshu, tum sab se pyaar karti ho, bepaanah mohabbat apne harr rishte pe niharti ho. Par kya tumne aapne aap ke baare mein socha hai?'

"Mera bara mein kya?' She asked, unnerved by his stern voice.

"How long do you think you can love others without loving yourself? Do you think people don't notice that something is missing in your exuberance? Tum logon pe woh mohabbat dena chahti jisse tum jaanti bhi nahi, jisse tumne mehsoos hi nahi kiya Uncle aur Aunty ke jaane ke bhad. Agar dusre se pyaar karna hai, toh khud se bhi karo." Haider insisted.

Haider and her Mumma got her through the roughest times of her life, and she couldn't be more grateful. Haider's presence sustained her when she was alone in her room. His words gave her the confidence to go back out in the world. And with Naira's diaries in tow, she began to see colour again. She saw the city through her mother's eyes and embraced it with open arms. Like her mom, she found parts of herself as she navigated through the foothills of Rishikesh.

Haider taught her to be herself so Abhimanyu could teach her to love herself.

'Kal iss trip pe chaar chaand lagenge," Akshara thought as she watched the stars in the sky. She and her gang were sleeping outside their tents tonight. Their sleeping bags circled the open flame, and their snores outranked the chirps of the crickets. But Akshara couldn't fall asleep. She was too excited for tomorrow. For Abhimanyu and Kairav to join her adventure, meet her friends, and see her city. 'Kal Bhaiya aur Abhi meri duniya dekhenge aur Mumma ki yaadon se milenge", Akshara was booming with excitement. She was ready to share herself with her loved ones.

Through this chapter, I wanted to give a Haider, his relationship with Akshu, and Akshu's feelings a base. I wanted to touch on her time away from home and how that impacted her. I hope you enjoyed it!