Darmiyaan

Mann Mera: Neirohi

saari raat aahen bharta

pal pal yaadon mein marta

maane na meri mann mera

all night, it sighs,

it dies in memories all the time,

my heart doesn't listen to me.

Her heart seared, arranging Neil's portrait on the wall. The image was as close as she could ever get to seeing his face again, and perhaps that's what hurt most, knowing he was gone. She'd trace his smile and rest her body against the wall for support. It has been 14 years since his passing, and still, the thought makes her pale.

Aarohi is a doctor, so she believes in rationality and science. She understands his death was an accident. But every year, on Karva Chauth, a small part of her whispers, 'if you did the ritual right, then maybe he'd live longer.' But what did she do wrong?

Sometimes, she and Abhimanyu would sit together, thinking of their lost loved ones. Akshu consumed his thoughts, and hers were entangled in Neil. Yet, both felt the same guilt coursed through their veins.

"Kash," Abhimanyu thought of that White Day. He longed to turn back time and get those six years they spent apart back.

"If only," Aarohi whispered, recalling the lies that broke Neil's heart. He wasn't an angry guy. Seldom would he exert an antagonistic demeanour like trashing their furniture. But that's what she did. While he gave her light, she busted out his darkness.

thoda thoda hosh madhoshi si hai,

neend behoshi si hai,

jaane kuchh bhi na mann mera..

There is some consciousness, some intoxication too.

Some drowsiness and unconsciousness, too.

My heart doesn't know a thing.

No one knew, but sometimes, when Roohi was asleep, she'd sneak out of the house through her window and dance with his jacket, emulating their old secret visits. It wasn't the same, but the music swayed her feeble heart.

kabhi mera tha par ab begaana hai ye

deewana deewana samjhe na

kabhi chup chup rahe,

kabhi gaaya ye kare

bin poochhe teri taareefein sunaya ye kare

hai koi haqeeqat tu ya koi fasana hai,

kuchh jaane agar to itna ke ye

tera deewana hai re

mann mera,

maane na mann mera.

It was mine some time ago but belongs to someone else now,

The mad heart doesn't understand.

sometimes, it remains quiet,

sometimes it sings..

it tells good things about you without even asking..

whether you're some truth or a story (it doesn't know)

all it knows is that it's mad for you..

this heart of mine,

doesn't listen to me.

Between the two of them, Akshu was the creative one. Akshu was the dancer, the singer, and the artist all in one. It didn't bother Aarohi because that was never her passion. Akshu couldn't perform surgery, and Aarohi couldn't sing. They were happy in these lanes. But when Aarohi's heart started falling for Neil, her voice started singing too. It wasn't great by any means, but it was genuine. After the first time, he stopped laughing at her attempts. Instead, he'd urge her to sing to him at night. Aarohi always held her guard up so high, and her self-esteem depended on her ability to be "the best", so Neil loved how comfortable she was with him. Comfortable enough to show weakness, not to be the best at something, but do it anyway to make him smile.

rag rag wo samaya mere

dil par wo chhaya mere,

mujh mein wo aise jaise jaan..

gire barsaat mein paani jaise,

koi kahaani jaise,

dil se ho dil tak jo bayaan..

aashiq dil tera puraana hai ye..

deewana deewana samjhe na..

she's in my every vein,

she's all on my heart.

she's in me as my life..

the way water falls in the rain..

like a story..

which is being told from heart to heart..

this heart is your old lover..

this mad one doesn't understand..

When Akshu returned, Aarohi became the girl who cried wolf. If Neil was to busy or she feared he'd favour another, she'd lie about an illness or harming herself to bring him back. It was dastardly, manipulative, and downright pathological. But he'd come every time. Back then, she thought it felt worth it. Now, she knew nothing could be worse. To be in labour, screaming and aching and not see them here. Not because he's passed but because she burned their bridges so many times.

tujhko jo dekhe,

ye mujh ko le ke,

bas tere peechhe peechhe bhaage..

tera junoon hai

tu hi sukoon hai

tujhse hi baandhe dil ke dhaage

when it looks at you,

it takes me,

and runs behind you..

it's passionate for you..

you alone are the relief..

with you only the threads of heart are tied..

You're here in spirit, I know. You're watching over me, Roohi, and Abhimanyu, and I know you're proud of how far we've come. I don't if your heart still belongs to me, but I promise my heart will never love another like I loved you. In our next life, I'll do better and I'll never let you go, she whispered to his frame the night of Roohi's graduation.