Yandere La Squadra x Reader

Vampire Prosciutto [one-shot]

Note: I vaguely remember someone asking "how he'd react to darling using garlic against them" or something so...

Tw: implied abuse

The sound of heavy rain has left you feeling lazy today, something about the random crackles of lightning and the loud booms drained you completely. Since there was no chance of getting sunlight today, Prosciutto let you open as many curtains as you pleased so here you are watching the rain and eating a subpar omelet you called yourself cooking. Two months of reading recipes and you still weren't able to cook eggs unless they were sunny side up.

"If you're done making yourself sick go clean the dishes, we're having company since no one wants to go to Formaggio's place" Prosciutto set a box of pastries onto the end table having just got back from his trip into town. Any time it rained he took that as an opportunity to get groceries and stretch his legs a bit, his house may be spacious but he still enjoys a nice walk.

"Don't try anything tonight, when you act out it's a reflection of me and i'd rather not have to leave you tied up in a dark room the entire day"

"You have yet to do so much as raise your voice at me even though I've tried to leave countless times, you're not gonna do a damn thing I'm clearly important to you" his threats and demands were always empty so at this point you figured he only said them to make himself feel good.

"Oh please, you're not that different from other humans, I just prefer to have you tied to me rather than having to hunt people down every time I get a little peckish, don't get too cocky" Prosciutto huffed as he reached into his jacket trying to find his lighter to smoke the cigar that was being held between his teeth.

Something in you deflated hearing him say that. You weren't being serious when said it but hearing him tell you that you're nothing but a blood bag definitely had you wanting to pull back the heavy curtains and jump out the window. Nothing like having your captor humble you 'just in case'.

"You must be fun at parties"

"If that's your idea of a joke then you must be horrible at stand-up, try not to cause a scene when the others get here we don't want a similar outcome as their last visit" Prosciutto dropped a tiny bag of garlic in your lap, smiling at the thought of your ridiculous antics. Too embarrassed to go back and forth how you normally would you gathered your plate and stormed off to the kitchen.

The last time his friends, or business associates as he'd like to call them, were over you had planned to escape by poisoning them since you learned that vampires also ate regular food but just couldn't depend on it the way humans did. You made each dish with a bunch of garlic thinking it'd weaken them only to learn that every movie and show you watched had set you up for failure.

All they did was complain that you didn't even try to season the food and relied too much on the garlic to cover up the fact that you were a horrible cook. Now they always send Prosciutto home with a recipe book to give you and are always making stupid comments about how ironic it is that a vampire has to manage your meals. You aren't even a bad cook! You just wanted to poison them, but in retrospect, you should've known it was a shit plan since Prosciutto was the one to buy the garlic.