Tainted Souls [ #wattys2015 ]

: seven

There was nothing stopping the flutter of butterflies in my stomach and the way my heart swelled with elation. You were here.

Here at this shitty little party that no doubt is beneath you, you were grabbing a drink just like me.

It was embarrassing, really, the way I felt. The way I acted when I was around you - how my heart would start racing, how my skin would tingle, how my eyes would search instinctively for yours. It was so fucking childish, and yet I allowed myself to fall further into the oblivion that is you.

You'd be the death of me, I knew it. I could see it, almost, and if I just reached out a hand, it'd be right there, the light that they all talk about... Your face.

But my fist stayed by my side, and I was thankful that in my drunken haze it did, because to embarrass myself in front of you would be akin to death.

"Hey," I murmured, abhorring my squeaky tone.

You eyed me, trademark aviators absent from the bridge of your nose, a look of confusion and irritation marring your face.

"I-it's me, Parker, remember?" I said, coughing to keep my voice straight. I ran a shaky hand through my hair, looking down at my feet to avoid your piercing stare.

"Oh," you replied, something flashing across your face and dark eyes, illuminating them to the point where they lingered on shades of amber, so bright that they resembled the sun. "Hey."

And you walked off, eyes dropping from me to your feet with ease. You had a drink in one hand and a cigarette in the other. It wasn't yet lit, but I would easily bet my soul that in a minute, it'd be almost gone, all remaining of it being puffs of smoke and curls of ash.

My heart beat erratically in my chest, like a fucking car engine, and I knew what it mean instantly, a sense of dread falling over my limbs and holding me in place.

It meant I liked you. Even if it was only a little bit - yet I knew that it was so much more than a little bit.

You had me in a trance, and my eyes followed blindly as you merged into the throng of dancing people. Not a trace of fear was on your shoulders. If anything, the confidence radiated off you like light.

It was so anticlimactic, the realisation of my affection, yet it managed to make me still with an edginess that I'd never felt before in my life. My limbs were tingling with something icy and cold, making me shiver a little, but, strangely, I didn't mind the sensation.

My mind was reeling and my breath had hitched in my throat. My blood pounded in my head like a drum, loud and forceful, and I could feel the onset of a headache already.

It was so terribly cliché, really, but I blamed the alcohol for my erratic behaviour-the feelings, the tingling, the heartbeat, it all. Then again, I was well within my righs; three whole bottles of drink and someone like you couldn't be good for my body or my head.

Despite, a smile lingered on my face as I watched you go, even as my heart yearned for you once more. For your breath, your eyes, your attention, you.

Right up until Sebastian walked towards me. There was a bottle in his hand, liquid half gone, and it took a few second a realise it was only a water bottle, unlike the glass one that I clutched desperately.

He was sober, well and truly, face bold and clean, and I was the total opposite, but I didn't bother to tell him so. It didn't take an idiot to realise I was drunk.

But if he could tell that that half of my daze was caused by you, then I'd be in real trouble.

"That was Seokjin, right?" he asked, eyebrow raised and face contorted with question.

"Yeah," I breathed, eyes catching onto his, alight with attention. "It was."

He turned around a little, looking off into the crowd, to meet where my eyes were locked. Silence lingered between us for a few moments, the only sound being the music played, and, no so subtly, he coughed into his fist, reaching out and wrapping an arm around my shoulders.

He pulled me a little closer to him, and no doubt he'd be able to smell the alcohol on my lips.

Even in my drunken state, I could tell he wanted to say something, but the hesitant way he opens his mouth and closes it a split-second later makes a small amount of panic flutter in my stomach.

But, suddenly, he pulled my arm, tugging me towards him and making it ache a little, but I followed willingly, allowing him to drag me through the people and outside into the cold, frosty air.

It was quieter out here, where the music only lingered, and no one was out here in the bushes and darkness - something I'd expect from overly active teens.

The clouds painted the sky grey and the sun was truly gone, a full moon replacing it. A few stars twinkled absentmindedly, looking out of place among the dark and bleak shades, but I didn't focus much on them, more on my best friend.

He turned to me, staring deep into my eyes with hands on my shoulders and holding me in a harsh grip. I raised a brow at him as his lips parted.

"Look," he said, sighing, frost making the air bright as it left his mouth, "you're really obvious, okay, and I feel like you'd rather this from me than anyone else. I know you like him, Park, and that's fine, really, I don't care at all-"

I cut him off, turning away with a scoff. "I'm not gay, Sebastian." Warning laced my tone, and I took a few steeps back, making my low voice inaudible.

Sebastian's face broke, and his hands slipped from my shoulders, releasing me.

I walked back into the house, feeling the baseline of a new song pound deep in my heart, away from Sebastian. Never before had I lied to him - and never before had he lied to me.

But we both knew that I had just broken that rule, and a sickness seeped throughout my limbs as I felt the true weight sink in my gut.