𝐄𝐏𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 | peter parker

xix. rollercoasters

peter parker ::

It's been a couple of days since the last time I saw Irene, before she disappeared, leaving no clues or traces to be found.

I woke up today in bed, and the first thing I did was look around me, expecting her to be hiding somewhere in the room, then surprising me by telling me that this is all a prank.

It doesn't seem like she will jumpscare me anytime soon, which may be fated.

Irene was meant to leave sometime soon. She knew it. I knew it. We both knew it. But we both did not know when, and how, and why.

She didn't say goodbye, that's why a part of me believes that she's coming back.

She has a life in a different universe. Sne has freinds, and maybe even family. But most importantly, another person.

Another Spiderman.

Another Peter Parker.

But you know what doesn't make sense? It's that she was never mine, yet, I still think of them like something, a little bit more than freinds.

Irene was staring, I caught her staring, and I stared back. But we stared a little too longer to be friends.

I wonder if we ever think of each other at the same time. I wonder what I look like in their eyes.

I can't call this feeling a heartbreak, cause I mean, we never kissed. And I can't call it grief, because, she was never mine for me to lose.

But I still get those stupid butterflies everytime they cross my mind, from the littlest to the biggest thought.

Because in her smile, I see something a lot farther than the stars, something a lot deeper.

Something that made me question, which is harder. Me, not having them next to me, or me, scared of losing a person who I think of as a lover?

I still think of Irene, like I am supposed to be her protector, her guardian. It feels like I was assigned a job, from the tingling thoughts in the back of my head.

A job to protect them. A job to keep them safe. It's dangerous for me. It's dangerous for them.

But, I'll keep them safe, I promise. I'll protect them, no matter what the cost is, because maybe it's alright to risk nothing for everything.

As a determined, masked teenager, I won't let the past repeat itself, at least not again. I won't let it, even if it's fated.

I may have to change fate, and I will, without thinking about it twice.

I was always a person, who looks a little more deeper than what the eyes simply see.

But Irene, they're something different. They come from a contrasting kind, ones I've never experienced before.

Irene has mastered the skill of playing fine, while she is not okay. And it breaks me, everytime.

Because for her, I'd travel the sea, and I promise you, I'll always hold on to hope.

I'm careful when it comes to them, starting from the littlest detail, after Irene once mentioned being comfortable with any pronouns, which matters, and I take the pride to respect it.

What matters the most, is that I think, I might be falling again. But this time, I'm crashing really hard.

I'll write poems, which no one will ever read.

Because my feelings are on a roller-coaster.