play life [harry styles] book 3

14

Amanda

Today was the day we left for the couples retreat.

We said our goodbyes to Josie and Max last night, who were picked up by Gemma to spend a couple weeks in London with Harry's mom to end the summer.

I missed them already, but part of me felt relief knowing they'd be away with Anne. I already felt a little at ease knowing they'd be safer away from everything that was happening here.

Nadine and Eric were also doing the retreat, so we all took the same flight together. Harry slept almost the whole time, while I read a book and occasionally chatted with Nadine.

When we arrived on the island, I could already feel how fresh the air was and smell the ocean water.

We made our way over to the welcome tent by the water with the rest of the guests attending the retreat.

"You are going to love this," Nadine said from beside me, tossing her arm around my shoulders. "Eric and I have done these a few times and they really help. Even if you don't think you need help."

A woman was standing next to the tent, hands clasped and a big smile on her face.

"Hi, I'm Natasha and I'll be your guide for the next few days." She introduced. "We're going to be working together to strengthen the connections you have with each other."

"So the first exercise I always like to start off with, is writing love letters to your partner." She explained, leading us all into the tent where there were tables and chairs set up.

"It's important for us to express our feelings to them and putting it on paper is a great way to do that." She spoke, gesturing for us all to take a seat. "I know it might seem trivial, but it's an easy way to show your love and appreciation."

"I want each of you to write down what you love about your partner. Get creative. Of course there are no right or wrong answers, just write what you feel."

I grabbed the paper and the pen and started to write.   I began to smile as I thought about what to put down, and before I knew it I had filled up the page.

"Then, when you're finished I want you to seal it and hold onto it. I don't want you to give it to them just yet." Natasha explained. "I want you to save it for a time when they really need the reminder."

Once everyone had finished writing their letters, Natasha stood up and clapped her hands together.

"That's it from me for today. A few of you will have your individual therapy session scheduled for later today. You can find your designated time in the welcome packet in your rooms." She told us. "It's important for us to get to know everyone individually before we work with you as couples."

"Go get settled in, explore the island, get a massage. I'll see you all bright and early tomorrow morning!" She exclaimed as we exited the tent.

"Therapy?" Harry whispered to himself as we walked out of the building, and I held onto his hand.

I knew he would hesitant about that, because sometimes he had trouble opening up, but it just might help him.

Harry

Of course I was one of the people whose session was today. To be honest I was quite nervous about it.

I'd never done counseling or anything like it before because I always figured I didn't need anyone else's help. But maybe I did.

I made my way into the building where the session was taking place, and saw Eric walking out of the room, wiping his eyes.

"Good luck in there, mate." He told me, giving me a pat on the shoulder. "She's good. I cried twice." He laughed before walking away.

I walked inside where I was met with sunlight immediately hitting my face from a big window at the center of the room.

The room was very simple, but calming. There were chairs, pillows, and a coffee table in the middle of the room.

A sandy haired woman was sitting in one of the chairs, a notepad in her lap. She noticed me and immediately smiled as she waved me in.

"Hi, Harry, right?" The woman spoke in front of me, gesturing for me to sit across from her. "I'm Beatrice. I'm the therapist on the island." She watched me carefully for a few seconds before continuing.  "You seem nervous, which is perfectly okay. Have you ever done anything like this before?"

"No," I answered. "It takes a lot for me to open up to people," I told her and she nodded.

"Why do you think that is?"

Because I'm worried that whenever I get close to someone I'll hurt them. I'm worried that all I do is hurt the people around me and make life difficult for them. But I didn't want to say that, so I just shrugged in response.

"Do you have trouble opening up to your wife?" She questioned, and I hesitated.

"Sometimes," I answered. "Some really... traumatic things have happened to Amanda and I so it's just been weighing down on me lately."

I gave her a brief backstory of my relationship with Jordan and everything that's happened since; it was the same thing I told everyone.

"Did Jordan ever take responsibility for the things that happened while you were together?" She questioned and that was an easy answer.

"Everything was always my fault." I muttered, shaking my head. "When she faked her pregnancy, she said it was because she thought it's what I wanted. She tried to kill herself because she thought I was going to leave her. She tried to hurt our neighbor because of me."

"It was always my fault. After a while it was just easier to accept it." I breathed and she leaned forward towards me.

"We're only responsible for our own actions." Beatrice assured. "Anything Jordan did, she made a choice. That has nothing to do with you, Harry."

"And you need to heal from your relationship with Jordan in order to build a successful one with Amanda. It takes time, but it can be done." She emphasized, giving me a small smile. "Sometimes we often overlook the basics when it comes to fixing or improving relationships. Just simply talking and communicating can go a long way."

"So tell me what exactly is holding you back when you think about your relationship with Amanda?"

"I just feel like I really am to blame for everything that's happened to us, and in a way I feel like I'm holding her back," I admitted. "A-and I can't live without her but sometimes I just think about how normal her life was before she met me, and how I wish I could give her that again."

"She always knows when something's wrong too. I talk to her about everything, but when it comes to this ... I'm just scared," I said finally, sitting back. "A-and I don't want her to be scared, so I have to be strong for her and our kids."

"Admitting you're scared takes strength," Beatrice observed, and crossed her hands in her lap. "And I think Amanda would appreciate it if you experienced these things with her emotionally."

"I know you think that if you express your feelings that it'll affect her negatively, but sometimes we just need to know that the other person is feeling."

"And all of this is good, Harry. You voicing your fears and your feelings is a good thing." She noted, giving me a smile. "Even though it's hard, you just have to keep doing it."

I thought about what she was saying and it made sense. I was holding in my emotions about this because I was afraid that would make it real.

But it already is. It has been.

I just needed to move on.

-
Filler chap

-Mel