Teen Years [Heartstopper]

4

TW: This chapter contains mentions of non-consensual kissing, body image issues, self harm, homophobia, mental health, verbal/physical fighting, and underage drinking.

"I'm going to um go upstairs." I turned and walked up the stairs as Charlie and Nick stood there.
I hid at the top of the stairs to watch.
"Sorry for not texting you all night. I just wanted this conversation to be in person and not over the phone.." Nick was still standing outside.
"Okay well come inside! It's literally pouring out there." Charlie walked out and pulled Nick inside.
"Did you forget a coat?" Charlie asked as Nick stood in front of him.
"Yeah. I guess I did." Nick said, laughing.
"So um about last night." Nick looked nervous.
"Oh Nick! I didn't realize you were coming round today!" A third voice entered the room.
"Oh um I'm sorry Mrs. Spring." Nick looked even more nervous.
"He left a jumper here last week! He just came over to grab it." Charlie said.
"Oh well Oliver's coming home today. You could have at least changed into day clothes!" My mother's voice faded.
"Let's just go to my room." Charlie started walking up the stairs. I ran to my room.
I walked to Charlie's room to listen in. I couldn't hear anything so I did the next best thing.
"Charlie sorry to interrupt bu-" I opened the door and gasped.
"Oh um Cierra it's um-" Charlie looked embarrassed.
"So um I'm going to go. I'll just come back later." I smiled.
"Wait!" Nick yelled.
"What?" I walked into the room.
"I saw you at the top of the stairs." Nick sat on Charlie's bed.
"Oh." I leaned against the wall.
"Don't tell anyone?" Nick crossed his arms.
"Nick I already told you that I wouldn't tell anyone. Oh and Charlie Oliver is almost here!" I crossed my arms.
"I miss him so much!" Charlie said, smiling.
"Who is Oliver?" Nick asked.
"He's our little brother! He's been visiting our grandparents for the past few months but he's coming back today!" Charlie went and sat next to Nick.
"You guys can finish your conversation. I have a study session with Harley!" I walked out of the room and shut the door.
I walked downstairs and sat on the couch, waiting for Oliver to come home. Moments passed and there was a knock on the door. I freaked out. I ran to the door and opened it.
"OLI!!" I hugged him tight as he jumped into my arms.
"CICI!!!" Oliver hugged me.
"I missed you so much little bro!" I kissed his forehead.
"Where's Charlie?" He asked as I put him down.
"OLIVER!" Charlie ran down the stairs.
"CHARLIE!!" Oliver jumped into Charlie's arms.
"Who is that?" Oliver pointed behind Charlie.
"That's Nick! He's my friend." Charlie put Oliver down.
"Nick?" Oliver looked up at Nick.
"OLI!!" Tori ran in and scooped up Oliver.
"TORI!" Oliver was excited to be home.
Nick and Charlie went off to talk while Oliver, Tori, and I stayed away from them. Moments passed and Nick walked outside. Charlie threw on his shoes and ran outside. Tori and I looked at each other. Oliver was just going on and on about our grandparents house. A few minutes later Charlie ran back into the house and shut the door behind him. He ran over and hugged Oliver again and then went directly upstairs.
*The Next Day at Lunch*
Elle texted me and told me to meet her outside for lunch. Tara and Darcy were also going to be there. I grabbed my lunch and walked out to the picnic tables. Elle, Tara, and Darcy were sitting down at a table. I walked over to them and sat across from Elle. I opened my orange juice and we started talking.
"Cierra we should hang out next week! Monday? I'm really busy this week." Elle suggested as she opened her apple juice.
"Yeah that sounds great!" I smiled as the bell rang.
I walked to class and sat down at my usual table.
"Hey Cierra." Harley sat beside me.
"How are you feeling Harley?" I placed my notebook in the center of my desk.
"Well considering I had an entire day to sober up I think I'm fine, just embarrassed." She said tiredly.
"There's nothing to be embarrassed about Harls!" I looked over at her.
"Did I say anything weird to you? I honestly can't remember." She asked with her hand on her forehead.
"Nope!" I smiled.
"How are you today?" She put her head on her desk.
"I'm good!" I looked at the teacher who had begun speaking.
*After School at Home*
I walked through the front door and ran upstairs. I shut the door and locked it and then flopped down on my bed. I opened my phone to 5 notifications.
———
Messages
"CIERRA I NEED TO TALK TO YOU!" Message one: Nick Nelson.
"HELLO?" Message two: Nick Nelson.
"CIERRA?." Message three: Nick Nelson.
"HELLO??" Message four: Nick Nelson.
"ARE YOU OKAY?" Message five: Nick Nelson.
"Sorry, I'm fine. I wasn't really checking my phone Nick. What's up?" I responded.
"I WAS SO WORRIED! You usually text back right away. Anyway is Charlie home?" Nick texted back immediately.
"No he's with Tao, why?" I responded.
"I'm coming over. See you in 10." Before I could respond he went offline.
———
*10 Minutes Later*
I heard a knock on the front door. I ran downstairs and opened it. Nick Nelson stood in the doorway. I let him in and we went straight to my room. He sat on my bed and I sat on my bean bag that sat directly beside my bed.
"Nick is everything okay?" I noticed he looked stressed.
"Well your brother and I are sort of going out and I asked him if we could keep it a secret until I was ready to come out but I need to ask you something." Nick said in a very stressed tone.
"I know, ask away!" I stood up and sat beside him.
"Am I like Ben?" Nick looked over at me.
"What? No! Nick you are nothing like Ben! What makes you think that?" I looked over at him.
"It's just the whole Ben making Charlie keep them a secret really affected Charlie." Nick looked forward and put his hands against his face.
"Nick it wasn't the secret thing that affected Charlie. Ben ignored him in the corridors. He pretended Charlie didn't even exist. Ben had a girlfriend who he kissed in public but he didn't even want to be seen with Charlie. It was never the fact that his relationship was a secret." I looked at a poster across from my bed.
"Charlie said I was nothing like Ben, Cierra what if I am?" Nick looked as if he was about to cry.
"Nick you are nothing like Ben. I promise you." I hugged him.
"I'm sorry for bothering you. I know this was probably really stupid but it was just bothering me and I needed to talk to someone." He hugged me back.
"Nick it's okay! You can always talk to me about anything!" I started to tear up.
"Thank you for being such an amazing friend Cera. It means a lot." Nick let go of me.
"Of course Nick." I smiled.
We sat and talked and then Nick left before Charlie got home. A few minutes after Nick left Charlie got home and walked to my room.
"Hey Ci! How was your day?" He stood in the doorway.
"Pretty good. Yours?" I sat up in my bed.
"Pretty good." He walked away and shut my door.
*Next Monday (one week later)*
———
Messages
"Cierra are we still working on that French project together today?" Harley messages me.
"Yeah! Sorry I wasn't at school today, woke up late and just decided to stay home." I replied.
"It's fine, I'll see you in 15!" Harley went offline.
———
I waited for Harley to arrive and sure enough exactly 15 minutes later there was a knock on my bedroom door. I opened it and let Harley in. I shut the door and we started on the French project.
*2 Hours Later*
We finished the project.
"Why did that take us 2 hours?" I put my books back in my bag.
"I have no idea but I need to get home. Do you want to go to the cinema after school tomorrow?" Harley said as she put her shoes on.
"Yeah." I plugged in my phone that had died.
"Okay I'll see you tomorrow!" She stood up from tying her shoes.
"Yeah!" I walked her to the front door.
"Later!" I smiled.
"Later!" She leaned in and kissed me very quickly.
She didn't even say anything. She looked even more shocked then I felt. She walked out the front door in silence as I stood there. I shut the door and walked upstairs. I turned on my phone and realized I had 3 missed calls and a lot of messages. They all said the same thing 'where are you? I thought we were hanging out!' and all of them were from Elle. I sat on my bed to respond but spaced out and forgot and then I fell asleep. I woke up the next day to my phone alarm going off.
*At School (lunchtime)*
"Elle! I am so sorry for not responding last night I fell asleep!" I said as soon as I sat down.
"Where were you yesterday?" Elle looked at me as Tara and Darcy sat down beside her.
"Harley and I were working on our French project. I completely forgot that we were supposed to hang out, I am so sorry!" I placed my food off to the side and opened my orange juice.
"Of course you with Harley. You're always with Harley! She's probably just using you for help with French." Elle said in an angry tone.
"What the fuck Elle?" Tara was shocked at what Elle had said.
"Yeah Elle, what the fuck." Darcy looked at Elle.
"Elle I've had a lot going on, I haven't really been good at keeping up with plans I made. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you." I put the lid on my orange juice and apologized.
"Look Cierra maybe it's best if we just stop hanging out. I'll hang out with my friends and you can hang out with Harley or whoever you want. Just leave me alone. I just don't want to speak to you again." Elle stood up and walked out of the cafeteria.
"What the hell just happened?" Tara finally spoke.
"I- um- I have to go." I ran out of the cafeteria with tears in my eyes.
I ran to the bathroom and locked myself inside of a stall. A few minutes later someone knocked on the stall.
"Cierra please open the door!" It was Tori.
"Go away Tori." I wiped my tears but continued to cry.
"Darcy and Tara told me about what happened with Elle, can I please come in?" Tori said in a soft tone.
"I don't want to talk about it." I sighed.
"Can you at least tell me the entire story?" I heard her sit down outside of the stall.
"I forgot Elle and I were supposed to hang out yesterday and now she hates me because I was with Harley instead of her." I said, wiping away more tears.
"Cierra, we can talk about this at home come on." I heard her stand up and pull on the stall door.
"I'll be out in a second. Please just go." I wiped away more tears.
"Okay." She left the bathroom.
I sat on the floor for a few more minutes until I decided to stand up. I ran out of the school building and walked to Harley's house. I didn't know where else to go and she hadn't been at school that day. I arrived and knocked on the front door.
"What are you doing here?" Harry answered the door.
"Why the fuck are you not at school?" I looked at the ground trying to hide my face.
"Why aren't you?" Harry asked.
"Is Harley here?" I composed myself and looked up.
"Yeah, HAR!!" He yelled.
"What's up?" Harley yelled back.
"SOMEONE'S HERE TO SEE YOU!" Harry yelled and then walked away.
"Oh um hi Cierra." Harley walked to the door.
"Can we talk?" I tried to contain the tears.
"Of course!" She let me in and we went to her room.
"Is everything okay?" She asked as she shut her door.
"No. First I wanted to talk to about the um the kiss?" I sat on her bed.
"Oh yeah that. I'm so sorry!" She looked embarrassed she sat down beside me.
"For what?" I looked over at her.
"Kissing you." Harley looked over at me.
"Harls you don't have anything to be sorry about!" I put my hand on her knee.
"I like you Cierra." She gulped.
"I like you too." I smiled.
She put her hand on my check and pulled me in. We kissed. We let go of each other and smiled.
"Okay but what's actually going on?" Her smile faded.
"Well Elle hates me because we had plans yesterday and I was with you instead of her." My smile faded as well.
"Oh! I'm so sorry Ci." She hugged me.
"I've been struggling a lot with my mental health recently and I forgot we had made plans and now she doesn't want to ever speak to me again." I leaned my head on Harley's shoulder.
"You know you can always talk to me, why didn't you tell me you were struggling?" She said in a gentle tone.
"I didn't tell anyone. I just don't normally talk about my feelings." I lifted my head and looked at her.
"I'm always here to talk Ci. I promise I'm not going anywhere." She put my hair behind my ears.
"Thank you Harley. That means a lot." I said, blushing.
"About um us. Can we maybe keep it a secret? I'm not sure I'm ready to be out! You can tell your friends and siblings if you want but no one else?" Harley leaned her head against my shoulder.
"Of course Harley." I kissed her forehead.
"Thank you." She smiled.
We talked for hours and eventually it was time to go home.
*At Home*
"CIERRA WHERE WERE YOU? I WAITED FOR YOU AT THE BUS STOP AND YOU NEVER SHOWED UP!" Tori ran and hugged me as soon as I walked into the house.
"Sorry I had a lot on my mind, I went to Harley's for a while." I shut the door behind me.
"We we're worried!" Charlie ran out of the living room.
"I'm sorry." I took off my shoes.
"Tara told me what happened with Elle." Charlie hugged me.
"It's fine. She made her choice, I just have to accept it." I hung up my jacket.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Charlie and Tori asked.
"Honestly yes, but you both of so much going on so it's fine!" I walked past them to the living room.
"We are here to talk about it if you want!" We all sat on the couch.
I told them everything I told Harley.
"Why didn't you tell us your were struggling? You know you can talk to us right?" Charlie had tears in his eyes.
"I know it's just on top of Nick and everything going on in both of your lives I didn't want to put my problems on top of your problems." I wiped my tears.
"You're our sister Ci. Family comes before anyone else we are always here to talk. We are always here for you." Tori hugged me with tears in her eyes.
"Yeah." Charlie hugged me.
"On another note um there's something else I need to tell you guys." I changed the subject.
"What?" They said in sync.
"It happened. Harley and I, we kissed!" I wiped away tears and put a smile on my face.
"REALLY?" Tori was so happy.
"Yeah, don't tell anyone though! She said I could tell you guys and my friends but since she's not out she um doesn't want anyone to know!" I laughed.
"Of course!" Charlie hugged me.
"Charlie have you and Nick kissed yet?" Tori looked at Charlie.
"Wh- um- we-" Charlie was speechless.
"HEY GUYS!!" Oliver ran and jumped on us.
"Hey Oli!" We all said, laughing.
"Charlie don't you have a rugby match next week?" I looked at Charlie as Oliver sat on Charlie's leg.
"Yeah, Why?" He said as Oliver poked Charlie's nose.
"I'll be there!" I laughed at Oliver.
"You don't have to come." Charlie said as Oliver poked his nose repeatedly.
"I don't care, I'm coming to the match." I smiled.
"Okay!" Charlie stood up and ran upstairs away from Oliver.
Tori and I laughed as Oliver ran after Charlie.
"Cierra I really am happy for you and Harley." Tori looked over at me.
"Thanks T that means a lot." I hugged her.
We talked and laughed for an hour and then she went to her room. I opened my phone.
———
Messages
"Hey Harls! Do you maybe want to go to the milkshake cafe?" I texted Harley.
"I would love too! Maybe we could invite some friends as well, if that's okay with you?" She responded after 2 minutes.
"Yeah that sounds great!" I responded immediately.
"Okay, I'll see you soon!" She went offline.
———
I walked upstairs to Charlie's room and knocked on his door. He opened it.
"Do you want to come to the milkshake cafe with Harley and some of our friends? You can invite Nick!" I asked.
"Sure! Also I won't tell anyone about you and Harley Ci!" He smiled and shut the door.
We walked to the milkshake cafe together. Nick, Harley, Tara, Darcy, Tao, Issac, and Imogen were already there waiting. Charlie and I walked over to the table.
"Hey guys!" Charlie and I said as we sat down.
"Hey!" One by one everyone greeted us.
"I sort of invited someone else if that's okay!" Tao said.
"Hey sorry I'm late!" A familiar voice appeared behind me.
"Elle you made it!" Tao got up and hugged Elle.
"Cierra are you okay?" Charlie said quietly.
"I'm fine." I lied.
"Harry, Aiden you guys actually came." Imogen stood up.
"Of course we did." Aiden smiled.
"I hope you don't mind we brought Ben." Harry said.
"Guys I'll be right back." I noticed everyone looking at me.
I walked behind a tree to calm myself down. I sat there alone for a few minutes and then I finally decided to go back to the group. I sat down where I had been sitting before. We all talked and laughed and drank our milkshakes.
"Yeah remember when Cierra punched me? She literally has no valid reason." Ben laughed.
"Cierra let's go." Nick stood up.
"I'm fine Nick. I'm fine." I took a deep breath.
"Are you sure about that?" Harry looked at Aiden and Ben and laughed.
"I'm sure." I lied.
"Oh you look like you're getting angry! What are you going to do? Punch me?" Ben laughed along with Harry.
"Fuck you." I threw my milkshake on Ben and walked away.
"What the fuck!" I heard Ben scream as I walked away.
I walked behind a tree and just stood there alone for a few minutes until someone tapped on my shoulder.
"Hey are you okay?" It was Nick.
"Yeah I'm fine." I sighed and crossed my arms.
"You know he actually kind of deserved that." Nick leaned against the tree and laughed.
"He really did. He's honestly so annoying." I laughed.
"Do you want to go back to the group now?" Nick asked.
"Honestly, yeah actually. I feel a lot better now." I said as Nick and I walked back to the table.
"Oh you're back!" Harley smiled as I sat down.
"Yep. How did my milkshake taste Ben?" I looked at Ben.
Everyone laughed. We all sat there just talking and laughing until it was time for us all to go home. I stood up and accidentally bumped into Elle.
"I am so sorry Elle!" I apologized.
"Just go away Cierra." Elle sighed and tried to walk away.
"I can't do this anymore Elle. I can't have you hating me. You won't even hear me out about what happened." I turned to face Elle and she stopped walking.
"I know what the fuck happened. You were hanging out with Harley and forgot about me. Like always you chose Harley over me. I'm just done. I can't do it anymore Cierra. I want friends who actually stick to plans." Elle said as everyone gathered around us.
"Elle you don't understand do you?" I crossed my arms.
"What the hell is there to understand? You made your choice and you chose Harley." Elle also crossed her arms.
"Guys let's not do this. Cierra let's go home." Nick stood beside me.
"Shut the fuck up. Just shut up. I need to do this Nick." I walked away from Nick.
"Elle what you don't understand is I love you. I have. I always will. You are literally my best friend, hell you're like a sister to me. I trusted you with everything." I looked at Elle.
"I trusted you too and then you chose Harley over me and didn't even hesitate." Elle rolled her eyes.
"I forgot about our plans Elle!" I screamed.
"Yeah right. You chose Harley as I've already said. Forgetting about our plans was just an excuse for you because you like her so much but don't want to admit it because she's fucking straight." She rolled her eyes again.
"This has nothing to do with my crush on Harley. It has everything to do with the fact that I know I messed up okay? I know I fucked up." I looked behind me at Harley.
"So why are we even having this fight?" Elle looked at the ground and back up at me.
"I don't want to lose you just because I fucked up ONCE." Tears started to form in my eyes.
"Too late." Elle turned away from me.
"Don't you even want to know why I forgot? Why I didn't remember?" I sighed and closed my eyes.
"Why?" Elle asked.
"I haven't really been doing so well, mentally that is. Guess everyone knows now. Fuck. My brain hasn't been the most reliable place recently. I'm trying really hard to fight the urge to relapse after I already did last week Elle." I wiped the tears that had already fallen.
"Wh- why didn't you tell me!" Elle's face expression changed.
"You had stuff going on. I didn't want to bother you." I sighed.
"Cierra I- I didn't know." Elle stepped closer.
"I know. I'm going home. I'm sorry for everything." I walked away.
I walked home. I went to my room and shut the door.
*One Week Later*
Harley and I rode the bus to the rugby match. When we arrived we went to sit in the stands.
"So Cierra I actually had something I wanted to ask you." She looked over at me as I sat down.
"What's up love?" I looked over at her.
"Well we've been going out for a week now and I know that's not a long time but do you maybe want to I don't know go on a date? Obviously everyone else wouldn't know it was a date but I think it could be fun!" She said in a nervous tone.
"That honestly sounds amazing Harley. Of course!" I smiled.
"Hey Ci!" Tao appeared and sat beside me.
"Hey Tao, where are Issac, Tara and Darcy?" I looked over at Tao.
"Talking to Charlie, um Elle's here." Tao pointed at the group.
"I knew she would be." I sighed.
"I know you haven't spoken to her since the whole milkshake cafe but she feels really bad for the things she's said. You should try to talk to her." Tao crossed his arms.
"Maybe." I crossed my arms as well.
*Halfway Through the Match*
I didn't understand rugby all I knew is that we were losing. I looked behind me when suddenly I heard someone yell Charlie. I looked back to see my brother on the ground. I ran to him. I helped him up and walked him to the nurses ward. I gave him a tissue for his bloody nose and then I left to find Harley. I passed Nick as I walked out and I went to find Harley. When I found her she was sitting in the stands all the way at the top away from all of the people. I walked up and sat with her.
"Are you okay?" I asked.
"Yeah I'm fine." She leaned her head against me when no one was looking.
A few minutes passed and Nick was talking to Imogen. I couldn't hear anything but Imogen looked happy after the conversation. A few more minutes passed and Charlie was now standing beside Nick. I went down the stairs and towards the group.
"Hey Charlie how is your nose?" I asked him.
"It's fine." Charlie smiled.
"Harry what the fuck are you laughing at?" I looked over as Harry was laughing with his friends.
"Your brother." He laughed yet again.
"What the fuck. You know you are fucking pathetic." I turned away from him.
"Excuse me?" He stopped laughing.
"You heard me. You are fucking pathetic Harry. You judge other people because you like to make people feel like shit." I turned to face him and crossed my arms.
"What the hell are you talking about?" Harry looked confused.
"You think making fun of people is fun? You don't know what anyone is going through. You need to just shut up and learn that people have feelings." I got really close to him.
"Get the hell away from me!" He backed away.
"Scared I'm going to punch you like I punched Ben? You deserve a good punch, but it's not worth it, not right here, not right now." I rolled my eyes.
"What the hell is your problem?" Harry asked.
"My problem is that homophobic assholes like yourself suck. You go around acting like you're everything but in reality you're fucking pathetic." I said in a loud tone.
"Okay okay calm down everyone!" Harley stood in between Harry and I.
"Oh I am calm. Cierra over here needs to chill out." Harry turned to his friends as always and laughed.
"Cierra let's just go!" Charlie grabbed my hand.
"Cierra ignore him!" Nick stood beside Charlie.
"Yeah Cierra leave. Just like Elle left." Harry yet again turned to his friends and laughed.
"You think that's funny? What the fuck Harry go home!" Harley stood beside me.
"Harry you don't even know the fucking situation you have no right to discuss that." A tear fell down my face.
———
END OF EPISODE FOUR!
(Sorry the ending was a bit rushed)