The Line Drive

twenty-seven

Mackenzie

This week has been hard, but at least I'm excited to meet Dane's brother. I know that they're only half-siblings, but I think it will be fascinating to get a sneak peak into his life. Both of us seem to be having a hard week. 

It's wearing on me that Kate hasn't been around at all. Hannah has been absent as well, spending a lot of time with Noah. I try to invite all my roommates to do a Friday night dinner and they all decline. 

Mostly, I just feel sad. Sad that my roommates aren't around, and I'm sad that Dane seemed sad on Wednesday. I'm also sad that Dane invites me to a party on Friday and I have to say no so that I can actually get stuff done on Friday night. Especially since I'm going to spending time with his brother this weekend. It means less work time than usual, and I want to make sure that I don't have to rush off for any reason. 

After class on Friday, I go home to do homework, since I'm tired of sitting in the library all the time. I don't mind studying by myself, because it's often more productive. I turn on some piano music, and get to work. 

It's almost 10pm when my phone buzzes repeatedly. I think I'm getting a call so I pick it up. Instead, it's a bunch of texts from Edwin. Not thinking much of it, I open them and immediately regret it. 

Jenna told me about what you've been doing

You've really lowered your standards if you like this Dane guy

I can't believe that I ever went out with you, you disgust me

I know you're fucking him

I know you did it before we even broke up

You're an ugly, cheating whore

I'm glad I never wanted to fuck you, because I shudder to think about who else you've had up in you. Probably the whole fucking baseball team

You're a dirty slut. I hope he gives you a fucking STD

I'm so confused because I'm not doing anything with Dane. Edwin's words fucking hurt. A lot more than I was expecting. I've never been called a whore before. I've also never had someone wish that I got an STD. 

I stare at the texts, trying to figure out if I should say anything. I know I shouldn't. 

My body can't contain my emotions, and I start to cry, because I'm so overwhelmed. This week has been hard, I'm fucking sad, I'm fucking tense, and Edwin is being a fucking asshole. 

And the worst part is that I like Dane. I like Dane a lot. I like all the time we spend together. I like his smile. I like how he makes me laugh. 

I wish that I was fucking Dane. More than that, I wish that I was dating Dane. I wish that we could be together. I wish that I wasn't just his tutor. I wish that we could move past being friends, but I didn't think that's really an option. I can't tell how Dane feels about me. 

He'd seemed upset on Wednesday and when I'd tried to comfort him, he'd looked upset still. I didn't know what to do with that, other than just assume that I hadn't been helpful. 

I take off my glasses and sob into my pillow. Tomorrow will be better, I promise myself repeatedly. I'll make tomorrow better. I'll be stronger tomorrow.