Above the Sea of Fog (Provincia de Marina Series #3)

Kabanata 33

Kabanata 33

Above the Sea of Fog

Nanigas si Wyatt sa aking harapan at nabitin sa ere ang daliri niyang akmang papawi sa aking luha. Kinuha ko ang pagkakataong iyon para lumayo sa kaniya at punasan ang aking pisngi. I stared at him with nothing but just a mixture of regret and disgust for the truth. Malungkot akong ngumiti nang tagpuin niya ang aking tingin.

"What did you just say?" aniya at mahina na ang boses. Kumunot ang kaniyang noo, tila ba nag-iisip kung paano nangyari iyon.

"Rean, if you're just saying that just to get rid of me, it's not working. Abuelo——

"Iyan ang totoo, Wyatt," putol ko sa kaniya. Napalunok ako dahil kailangan kong alisin ang bumabara sa lalamunan. I felt that my heart was already in my throat as I tried to grasp for words. Hindi sapat 'yong sasabihin ko lang na hindi kami pwede dahil magkadugo kami.

"Sinabi sa akin ni Mama noon na pinatulan niya ang Lolo mo. My mother is a singer at a bar, gaya ko. Kaya nga ang daming nagsasabi sa akin na magiging magkapareho kami ni Mama kasi roon din siya nagsimula." Sinapo ko ang aking noo dahil bigla akong nahilo. The emotional distress was absorbing all the tension that was filling the room. Naupo ako sa pang-isahang sofa habang nanatiling nakatayo si Wyatt.

"My mom confessed to me that night...before I left. Nalaman niya ang tungkol sa atin kaya ibinunyag niya ang lahat. The reason why I never want you to step inside the lighthouse or even be in close proximity with it was because of my mother. Ayaw niyang pumasok ako sa Balsameda o makihalubilo sa pamilya ninyo."

I smiled bitterly. "For the betterment of life, I decided to apply for work. I decided not to tell her because I know she wouldn't let me work for you. She despises your clan. Sinabi sa akin ni Mama kung gaano siya pinaasa ng Don na bibigyan ng mabuting buhay at mamahalin. My mom was a thirty-year old woman who fell in love with a man who was years older than her. And then...my mother got pregnant..." I sniffed. Patuloy pa rin siya sa pakikinig sa aking kwento. Hindi ko alam kung paano niya nakayang marinig iyon.

The first time I heard the story coming out of my mother's mouth, I couldn't take it. I remember crying my heart out on the way to the airport. I remember feeling all the peculiar gazes of the people on the airport while I was walking together with Shan. Iyak ako nang iyak noon kasi hindi ko matanggap. Parang gusto kong punitin mismo ang sariling balat, sirain ang mukha at kung ano-ano pa dahil hindi ko matanggap na umibig ako sa aking kadugo. Much worse, Wyatt was what? My nephew? How disgusting that word sounds to me.

Kahit ilang taon pa ang lumipas, hindi nito mapapalitan ang pandidiring nararamdaman ko. But to think that I still love Wyatt, it makes me wonder why I couldn't get rid of the feeling. Ang daming lalaki sa mundo. In fact...I could have dated but I didn't.

"So you didn't leave because of your dream?" mahinang tanong ni Wyatt at napahakbang paatras. Nanghihina siyang sumandal sa tabi ng fireplace. Pinagmamasdan ko lang ang nanlulumo niyang pigura.

"Pwede naman talaga kitang iwan, Wyatt. Kasi kahit malayo man ang distansya natin, kampante naman ako na magiging tapat ka...na mamahalin mo ako. Pero 'yong malaman na magkadugo tayo? Hindi ko kayang ipagpatuloy ang kung anuman ang mayroon sa atin. I tried so hard to conceal myself, hoping you won't find me. Alam ko namang imposibleng hindi mo ako makita."

"I've looked everywhere for you, Rean..." he trailed with anguish in his voice. Napahilamos siya sa mukha. "You've never even explained to me everything. And why now, huh?"

"Kasi naisip ko na dapat mong malaman. Ilang taon na akong nagdudusa Wyatt, kasi hindi ko man lang masabi sa iba. Hindi ko man lang kayang ipagsigawan na isa akong Balsameda. Hindi ko kayang tumingin sa'yo dahil alam kong magagalit ka kapag nalaman mo. Through the years, I've only thought of one thing...and that is to keep everything from the past a secret. Ayaw kong malaman mo pa kasi alam kong mahal na mahal mo ang Lolo mo."