After the End: Book 4

45. Coping

A/N: I am on a trip with family. They are mean and I don't want them to know I spend so much time writing Harry/Louis fan fiction, so I might post less. I'm kind of maintaining a little bit more than every other day kinda thing anyways so it'll probably be fine. I'm also day-drinking till this is over and editing at the same time... so enjoy the typos.
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Harrys POV

Sometimes I would feel like I was existing in a closed off bubble. I was aware of most everything happening around me, but it all felt separated and far away. It was like watching a movie while standing in the middle of it. That's how the first night home felt.

There was no explicit conversation, but I just assumed myself to be staying at Louis that night on the sofa. When I settled there with the TV playing a children's movie I didn't know the name of, nobody stopped me. My cat even showed up and although she was apprehensive about the fact that I'd acted fucking crazy infront of her before, she still curled up protectively at my feet on the sofa. I didn't pet her because I was scared she'd leave.

The girls had made it home with Naomi and Oliver, and it seemed it was being assumed that everything was settled and normal again. It felt a lot like the first couple of days had felt when Louis had picked me up from the hospital at the beginning of summer. It was quiet and stable and unassuming. We had dinner together, and I retired to the sofa at 8pm. Nobody even asked how rehearsals went, and even though they'd gone amazingly, I was too tired to brag.

Disney movie, my cat, and sleep. That's what I needed.

The unfortunate part of it all was that I had no chance of sleeping, even if I did feel particularly comforted in my surroundings. Naomi retired down to my flat without pushing any expectation my way, and I knew I should have followed after her, but the idea of leaving Louis place felt heavy. So had the idea of entering Louis to begin with. He hadn't even asked me my plan when we got home after the rehearsal. He'd just put in his own floor code on the elevator, and thats where we'd ended up. His flat looked the same as before, despite my prolonged absence. I missed it. I hadn't been welcome to be there in so long, and then suddenly I just.... was.

The twins had watched the movie with me for a while, but they looked exhausted too and I didn't blame them for slipping off. Louis had let me exist in my bubble for a very long time. Oliver was already down to sleep for the evening. It wasn't until Louis had approached me on the sofa to say Goodnight that I'd realized he really had no intention of urging me to go to my own home. I should have caught onto that sooner.

"You did increible work today, in case you didn't know," He told me as he turned to head back to his room.

I figured as much based on the way Sarah had patted me on the back on the way out. She'd also laughed at my jokes twice. Sarah had never seemed so content with me. Even so, validation from Louis was worth its weight in gold to me. I relished in that.

"Thank you," was all I managed to reply to him.

It felt lame in comparison to what I owed him. At least he'd looked less like he was dying that day. Compared to the night before, he'd looked like he was thriving actually. He'd obviously put some work into maintaing a look of ease, but I was actually starting to believe him. Our drive home had been rather convincing for me, and I obviously wasn't in a place to be judging Louis anyways. Not when I acted the way I did. I'd actually found myself submissive and honest his direction in basically every way. I couldn't change how I'd been for the past year or that summer, but I could at least stop adding to the shit that was making him crazy. I could be honest. Jay always told me I needed to be honest.

"Your phone is charging in the kitchen by the way. Please don't use it to buy drugs, or commit crimes, or whatever it is you do," Louis added. He still didn't look back, but I heard him chuckle on his way down the hall.