After the End: Book 4

48. Noticing

Louis POV

I found myself staring at Harry with almost no attempt at concealing it several times throughout the day of the launch. When he invited the entire family to watch, I'd been stunned. When he'd sang Sign of the Times without so much as a stutter, when he'd effortlessly worked the crowd, when he'd finished off with Kiwi, and then monologued again about how much he appreciated the audience...and then when he publicly restated that the album was dedicated to wellness, honesty, and his own personal goal to quit being such a mess... my jaw had dropped a bit. He'd gone off script without blowing things up in the process. What really got me was when he'd turned around, conversed with the band, and then announced one more surprise song. He did Sweet Creature, and he dedicated it to the love of his life without ever saying her name.

By the time he walked off stage, the internet was exploding and we'd not even posted footage yet. It was all based on what the fans posted themselves.

He'd done so well. I thought he'd be intensely celebratory as soon as it was over, but the second he'd made it to the side stage area he'd removed his own earpieces and his sound box, and discarded his guitar. He'd walked straight to his dressing room with no more than a nod towards us and a polite smile.

We'd given him a moment. He seemed like he'd needed it. The girls and Naomi all made it to the backstage to meet us, but I'd convinced everyone to leave him alone for a minute. Instead we listened to the album streaming through the speakers mixed with the roar of the crowd. He didn't surface after several songs.

Becca offered to go check on him, but I handed off Oliver to Naomi, and went off to see to it myself. When I reached him, the dressing room door was closed. I put my ear to the door, noted silence, and then pushed it open without knocking.

I'd prepared myself for all kinds of things. He could have been sleeping, changing, or snorting something off the counter tops for all I knew. I'd walked in on all three recently, but I really didn't expect he was in there engaging in anything bad. That didn't stop me from being a bit of a realist. Luckily I didn't find him doing any of those things.

When I walked in, Harry was sitting on the little sofa provided for him. He didn't look up when I walked in because he had his earbuds in. The cord was trailing down away from his ears to the phone he had propped up on the coffee table. I looked at the screen, which was maybe a violation of privacy, and I found he was sitting in a virtual meeting that I'd recognized before. He was attending a support group. He used to do that when he'd been sober for a period. He had told me it was available all the time, almost 24/7. I hadn't even known if he still remembered how to access that.

Harry realized I was standing in the room before I had gotten around to reacting. He stiffened like he was alarmed and then pulled the headphone out of his ear, turning to face me. His little surprised expression melted and instead that soft smile he'd given me when walking off stage returned.

"Hey," he said. "Sorry, I didn't hear you come in."

"Sorry, I didn't knock," I admitted. I gestured to his phone. "I can go if you wanted to finish that."

He shook his head and grabbed for the phone, closing out of the meeting. "I was just popping in anyways," he said offhandedly. "Sober wisdom. Working my way out of your nightmares. All that."

He laughed like that was hilarious and rose from the bench, stretching a bit dramatically with a sigh.

The way he had spent every day since Doncaster frequently dropping comments about his crimes in relation to me was jarring. I never knew how to respond. He had attempted to offer me apologies more than once, but I guessed Harry was right about one thing. He'd told Daisy I accepted apologies on my own time, and he was kind of right. The thing was, I already held a lot of forgiveness for Harry. I wasn't interested in discussing our issues anyways. He needed to get to a stable place first. Then we could talk relationship building.