his unfinished symphony - a vigilante deku story

ch. VII: kacchan's letter

-TW: this chapter contains mentions of suicide, this is a suicide letter!-

Dear kacchan,

          What would happen if I fell? If I were to let go? Would I hit the ground and just plummet into darkness? Some fear death. I wonder if I do as well, or if I've overcome it. Some may fear death because they think they will go to hell, some who fear it solely because they are scared it will hurt, and others fear it because they believe it is solely an endless void of pure darkness. People are scared of darkness, they are afraid of what is hidden inside. They are afraid of the monsters that lie where they cannot see. The kind of darkness that surrounds you, swallowing you whole. The darkness that isolates you, leaving you with only your own thoughts, but no one actually knows exactly what inner darkness is.

          Is it the lack of light? A pit of nothingness that engulfs you in a spiral of your own thoughts? I would be terrified if that's been the truth all along. My thoughts are dark. Darker than the things you say to me, but in all destruction, there is a new beginning, and I think that's beautiful. I've always had a very different opinion than others. I don't think darkness is something to fear, I think darkness is not knowing. It’s not remembering. You try and think of where you are, what you’re doing, why you’re doing it, but you just can’t. There is neither an answer nor a solution. Our minds are full of darkness. Our worst memories, plunged into that pit of nothingness that is your unconscious. Lost, locked away, forever forgotten, but what is the answer to this complex question we all have? What is darkness, really?

          I did what you told me to do, Kacchan. I took a swan dive off the roof of the building, praying for a quirk in my next life. Those words haunted me every day. Echoing in my mind on loop like a machine I’ve created solely for the purpose of torturing myself, but I’m finally free. I’m finally free of this dreadful thing people call living. I can finally be free of this horrible place. I’ll no longer be lost in the horrifying maze that is my mind, the downward spiral of the nightmarish things that are my thoughts. 

          I know I’m just a useless nobody. That without a quirk I shouldn't be living. That I’m better off dead, but there’s a limit on how much you can push someone until they finally shatter. Humans are like glass. You can hurt them, break them and make them crack, but once they shatter, no matter how hard you try, they’re beyond repair. Even if you find every single glass fragment and put all the pieces back together in the right place, the weak points are still there. Weak points that If even lightly grazed, still sting. Weaknesses that can be exploited by others for their own personal gain. Weaknesses that still hurt, no matter what. I've been trying for so long, so long, and I just can't anymore. I'm sorry, I was such a disappointment, and I'm sorry I wasn't worthy of your time. 

          Humans are greedy, they’re never happy with what they have. They just want more and more, even things that do not exist. Their greed and desire fuel them, and their strong emotional need and want for these kinds of things result in absolute idiocy. 

Drinking mercury in an attempt to achieve immortality.
Murdering millions of innocent people under the assumption that they will make the ‘perfect race’. 
Killing for territory and wealth.

          In the end, humanity’s greed and desires just hurt people. It's one thing if you hurt yourself. It's another thing if other people are getting hurt for completely self-centered reasons that don't amount to anything.

          Death is a normal part of life, and yet people despise it, simply because they do not appreciate what they have. Some would be happy to be put out of the misery that they’ve delt with because others are insecure. They take their insecurities and put it onto other people. It makes them feel powerful, putting others down.