FIREFANGED

Chapter 13 (Soul of a Kjaira)

I replayed Raven's reaction in my mind as I raced for the castle gate. She obviously knew the meaning of the word Kjaira, and it terrified her, as did my knife, my imbued knife. According to her sister, Raven's only crime was that she had the soul of a Kjaira. She was exiled by her father to avoid being sacrificed and imprisoned as an imbued weapon. And there I go, basically bragging about how I had killed a Kjaira and waving the resulting weapon right in front of her face. Okay, I'm not winning any scholar awards any time soon.

Reaching our living room, I could hear the heated discussion in Raven's bedroom. Andy was there, as was Lynda, trying to calm Raven down.

I stepped into the bedroom. Lynda shrugged at me and quietly walked out. She didn't know the whole story. I hadn't told any of my potential friends the entire truth. I had my reasons, but I was feeling more and more certain that I needed to apologize to Lynda Snow.

Raven had quieted down at my entrance. Andy took this as a sign and left the room, too, closing the door gently behind him. Raven watched from the far corner, sitting on the floor, tear tracks fresh on her face. She was scared and angry and confused. Her body trembled beneath the weight of it all.

I was disgusted with myself for being so careless around the one person with whom I'd connected. I sat down on the floor, too, against the wall a few feet away and took a deep breath. "Rae, I'm so sorry. That was careless of me."

She didn't respond so I continued, "I'm here to protect you, and yet I should have been more honest with you about who and what I am."

She whispered, "What are you then?"

"I'm a weapon, Rae, imbued, it seems, with unique knowledge and an ability to fight demons. A couple of months ago, I killed a Kjaira, a powerful death demon, and in doing so was claimed by Vigil Snow and the Order, much as the shamans in Bastian wanted to claim you."

At this point, I removed the leather brace from my arm so that she could see the cost of killing that dark beast. My arm, scarred and mangled, ached with every beat of my heart. It was a reminder to me that I was alive. That I still survived.

"Why do you carry that soul knife?"

"It feels as if it's part of me. I think my own life ended when that demon finally died, like I became someone else, like the soul of the Kjaira I killed lives on with me somehow. Your sister Lorna told me that the shamans saw a Kjaira, a soul of Death, in you. Maybe that is the connection that I feel with you now."

My stomach was turning, and my thoughts were stumbling. Lost in my attempt to share the confusing reality of my life, I finally found a straightforward truth.

"Surviving is not living, Rae. Meeting you has reminded me that maybe I can do more than just survive. That maybe I can belong to someone other than just the Vigil."

Maybe I can belong to someone like you.

I hadn't planned on spilling my guts to this fierce, beautiful girl, but once I got rolling, things just rose to the surface. Being honest with her forced me to be honest with myself and acknowledge my scars, fears, and desires. In that moment of clarity, I knew what I must do.

"And where are you going?" She suddenly reached out to take my hand. Her anxiety spiked.

I stood up slowly and stepped back. "I just need to show you," I said. "Before I go. So that you will know that I'll be coming back."

I took off my shirt, exposing the angry scars of my battles and my branding, front and back. I stood mute, sensing Rae's reaction. Her feeling of shock rattled me further, and I did my best not to bolt from the room in shame.