Veronica (teacher x student)

7

It's Tuesday, two days from the speech competition, and four days from my birthday. I had a volleyball game yesterday in which we won. Lately, I haven't been thinking much about volleyball, I've had other things on my mind. I've been practicing researching and talking about topics I have never heard about before. Practicing adding big words into my sentences so I seem smart but when you actually dissect the phrase it makes no sense whatsoever. I've been impatiently waiting until after school to see what topic I'll speak about. 

My birthday is Saturday, I'll be turning 18. My parents made plans on staying at my aunt's house so I could have the house to myself. Of course, I'm going to have a party. I actually don't want it to be too big though. I've already invited all my close friends, but I still want more people to come. Seeing Liam's friends roam the hallway makes me eerie. I know that they are a lot nicer than he is and would probably never do what he did. Something about them just makes me paranoid for some reason. Almost all men around me have made me paranoid, like my A.P. Chemistry teacher. Whenever I see them, I pull my skirt down and try to cover myself up as much as I can.

Regardless, I still ask Liam's friends to come to my party in hopes to get over my paranoia. Their dumb actions seem to make every party interesting and fun. I walk into English with Ms. Wright in a very snappy mood. I swear she never even looked at me the whole class, I wonder if I did something wrong.

The final bell rings and everyone leaves but me. I walk back to her desk, where she was sitting with her hand on her forehead in deep thought.

"Did you find out my topic?" I ask. She doesn't respond, "My birthday is Saturday, I'm having a party at my house," I tell her and she still says nothing. I pull up a chair across from her and sit.

"Did I do something wrong? Why aren't you talking," I ask. I see one of her hands on her desk fidgeting. I place my hand over hers to try to stop it. She finally looks up at me.

"Get out," She says quietly. I quickly take my hand back, "I'm sorry," I apologize.

"Veronica, Don't apologize just leave," she almost whispers. I stand up and return the chair I was sitting in. I grab my bag and leave her classroom without a word. She didn't even tell me my speech topic even though we leave two days from now. I walk sluggishly to the locker room. I recall everything that's happened between us and I still can't think of anything I did to make her that upset.

Volleyball was making me sweat. I was hitting down the balls with the force of an iron fist. I was so tired of Ms. Wright not disclosing anything to me. I don't like how she didn't tell me my topic just because she was in a bad mood. I don't like how she makes me confused about how I feel. With those thoughts, I run a quick and slam my hand as hard as I can downward on the volleyball. Some of my teammates were on the other side of the net trying to defend. The ball launches and hits the line. The ball ricochets off the floor and bounces off the wall. I turn around and sigh, putting my hands on my hips.

"Holmes! I don't like seeing my players upset, but you are slamming them down tonight, are you alright?" My coach asks. I think for a second. I do not truly know if I'm alright.

"Yeah, I just had a bad day," I respond.

"For real though, Mr. McKenna is one of the worst teachers I've ever had," one of my teammates says making everyone laugh. It manages to make me smile but I don't really feel happy. We go back to practice as if nothing happened. We run through more drills and I begin to feel tired, both emotionally and physically. 

We are practicing as if we were in a game. I'm playing middle and the setter sets it to me. I run up and hit it, it's fast but it goes out. When I saw it go out I felt my insides drain out of me. Everything lately has just been building up and I feel like I need to explode.

"You're okay, I'll set you again next time," The setter tells me. I appreciate her kindness but I can't seem to tell her that, I just seem to only be able to smile back at her.

We start playing again and I wait for the setter to set it to me. It was a bad first hit so we have to freeball it over and I don't get to hit. The ball comes back over and the setter sets this one up for me. I run towards it and jump, the ball hitting the heel of my hand. I watch the ball spiral to the left back corner and it goes out.

Someone says something but I don't hear it. I rest my hands on top of my head and begin to hyperventilate. Hitting two balls out isn't that big of a deal and I know that, I just can't seem to prevent myself from panicking. Someone else says something but my ears refuse to listen. I walk off the court and I feel a tear journey down my cheek. I instinctively wipe it off with my wrist. My coach begins walking toward me and I can't hold it in. 

No thoughts ran through my head, my legs carried me. Before I know it, I'm running out the school doors with my volleyball bag in hand. I absolutely hate when people walk outside with their volleyball shoes, but I don't even think about it for a second. Kneepads still on my knees I turn into the teacher's parking lot. I slow into a jog, there are still about 20 or so cars in the lot. I see Ms. Wright unlocking her car at the end of the parking row. She is the one person I do not want to see right now.

I pick up my speed hoping she wouldn't see or catch me. I run past her car and sure enough, she notices me.

"Veronica," She says, but I still run, "Veronica!" she yells. I don't look back, tears are running down my face. I turn again running towards the student's lot where my car is. Now, I'm not just crying because of Ms. Wright, it's everything. My grades, the pressure, college, my parents. I'm about halfway to where my car sits, parked, a car pulls up next to me slowly following my speed. Ms. Wright sits in the driver's seat with the window rolled down.

"Veronica, stop," She says to me, "Veronica, please stop. What's wrong?" she says again, but I continue with my speed, "I'm sorry, it's my fault isn't it?" She asks. This time I start to slow down. I hate the thought that she thinks she's in the wrong.

"No, it's not you," I tell her.

"Get in, tell me what happened," she says and I stop. Getting in your teacher's car is probably illegal but I look to make sure no one is around and hop in. As soon as I get in, Erica rolls up her window. I lean my head back on the seat, she sure has a nice car.

"Why'd you run out of practice?" Erica asks.

"I didn't, practice just got over. I just started having a panic attack, that's all," I say.

"Bullshit," She replies, I've never heard her curse and it surprises me, "You still have your kneepads and volleyball shoes on. If you want to lie to me, you got to be better than that,".

I fold my hands together and begin fidgeting.

"I've just been so worried about things lately, like school," I confide in her.

"Will me, telling you your topic make you feel better?" She asks smiling. I lift my head a smile a little, I have been very anxious about what it is.

"Tell me," I say leaning more towards Erica.

"Sexuality," The one word leaves her mouth and I feel my heart drop.

"That's a mature topic," I say somewhat quiet.

"You're in high school, almost 18 too. I think you can handle a mature topic," She says her eyes still narrowed at the road ahead.

"I don't know anything about sexuality though, I mean I don't even know myself-" Erica cuts me off,

"You don't need to know anything, in fact, you don't have to talk strictly about sexuality," She offers the idea. I immediately become confused.

"How?" I ask.

"Romance, explain bonding, a connection between another person. Sexuality isn't just about sex, it's about feeling and expressing," She begins to ramble off, "You get these feelings from chemicals in your brain. Trying to control these feelings strictly for one gender is complete nonsense, you feel what you feel,". I think deeply about her words, they were certainly true. I would never think twice if I saw a same-sex couple, but for some reason, I can't come to terms that I may like the same sex.