Honey Trap

Chapter Twelve

Maddox Aster being angry was not an unusual thing. I'd seen him angry more times than I'd seen him... well, more than I'd see him be anything else, but this anger wasn't like those times. There were no snarky remarks or hints of endearment beneath his frustration. It was pure, unadulterated, livid rage.

I'd been shifting back and forth for minutes, averting my eyes from his and keeping my gaze on absolutely anything other than him. I'd tugged my pants back up my legs, ignoring the obvious elephant (underwear) in the room in the process. Somehow, I'd managed to make my way back over to my desk, to which Maddox kept only feet behind me the entire time.

I was thinking. I needed an excuse and I needed one fast, though any excuse now would be blown apart by the simple fact that it had been at least fifteen minutes since either one of us had said a word to each other. If there were a reasonable explanation for what happened, I would have told him. He knew it. I knew it. We were just two people who knew something was seriously, seriously wrong, and neither one of us had the balls to say anything about it.

Maddox Aster being concerned for me was good. That meant he cared. Maddox Aster being concerned for me was bad—for him—because that meant whatever we'd done so far meant more than just sex.

Once, too long ago to remember exactly when, I had been happy. It happened quickly, how I was happy and suddenly, the only thing I knew were the red faces of angry men as they made me beg at their mercy.

During those moments, there had always been the same pit settled somewhere deep in my stomach. It wasn't fear as I'd grown too numb to be afraid, but something else. Perhaps it was a knowing—to know what was coming, to anticipate it without the ability to prepare.

This time, I didn't feel the pit in my stomach as I had so many times before. Maddox Aster was angry, but I was not anticipating, I was not preparing. I was simply... expecting. Expecting there to be a huge blowout fight—him demanding to tell him what happened, me coming up with the best lie I could tell him, which would hardly be believable but would do the job regardless.

It would do the job because people like Maddox Aster don't want to care. He would accept my terrible excuse because it would be easier. That was the way the world worked—and I was fine with that.

Outside, the snow had begun to fall. The snowflakes twirled and danced around the gray colored skies, falling onto the city below and beginning to stick. I decided the snow was a good place to keep my vision. If I looked just right—straight ahead—with the way Maddox stood in front of my desk, he could possibly be fooled into thinking I was staring straight at him.

I knew what he was doing by standing over my desk. You could call me many things, but stupid was not one of them. While I was expecting a fight, Maddox was expecting me to make a quick break for it towards the door so I could flee without having to explain myself. He was shielding me, which only meant I needed to be quick to think and get the hell out of here before we got snowed in.

Ha—could you imagine? Me and Maddox Aster snowed in together. I could think of about one thousand people I'd rather be snowed in with. Maddox Aster was somewhere below the Devil himself at that point.

After what had to have been an eternity—seriously, like, a super long time—Maddox popped open his mouth and smacked it shut in the way he always did when he wanted to speak but wasn't sure how to.

Finally, he said, "Tell me what happened."

That's it? A simple tell me what happened? Not even a slamming of fists against the table or shoving me against the wall to demand answers? Psh. I expected more from him. Was that awful of me, that I was almost... disappointed at the anti-climax of it all? Had I been so corrupted by Nikolai and Alexei that anything short of abuse made me unsure of myself?