A Season of Masks and Masquerades

Chapter 60: An hour before the wedding

Esther's wasn't the only letter that was delivered to Edward that morning, a few hours before their wedding. 

Although absolutely unaware of all the disasters that had ensued on Esther in the course of that one night, Edward's night had been equally sleepless on the other side of the town. For one he was the most impatient to make Esther his Duchess, sooner the better and with only a few hours left in their wedding, he couldn't help but feel the minutes stretching and relaxing into hours as if teasing him, testing his patience. 

However, it wasn't just the excitement of finally having Esther, the one woman who could solely weigh the rest of his world down and leave them worthless against herself, as his wife that had kept him awake and about and neither was it the unseasonably wild rain that had started as a drizzle at the start of the night and had turned into a storm of showers and thunders, making it difficult for a man to have a shuteye. There was something more unnerving, disturbing, unpleasant, and unhappening and as much he did not want to acknowledge it, it was there, the feeling of fear and doubt sowed in his chest by the look of uncertainty that he had seen in Esther's eyes the previous afternoon. 

And it was not just her eyes, but the way she answered his questions so vaguely, looking at anything but him. It could have just been exhaustion, he had tried to tell himself. She had been extremely occupied the past two days, ever since they returned from Buckingham, there had not been a day of calm and rest and that knowledge did absolute justice to her fatigue and provided the best excuse however, Edward was terrified. 

It was just a thought, a small idea that had sparked in his head the moment Esther had briefly turned around and he had peaked in her eyes moments before Nate had dragged her out of the Radcliffe gate, and as much as he wished he was wrong, delusional, he couldn't help but keep circling back to the possibility that what he had seen in Esther's eyes earlier was- regret. 

Esther regretted him- the notion did not silently take birth in some corner of his mind, it exploded and appeared the moment he saw Esther's eyes and that was more dreadful than the very thought of death and apocalypse and hell and everything beyond. 

She couldn't regret him, not now.

He did not wish to cage her, imprison her with him forever but he couldn't also let her go. He had never wanted her, he had hated the thought of her, and when he had started wanting her, he had known he could never have her and he did equally abhor the idea of never having her but he had learned to live with it. However, now that he did have her, almost, he could not ever, bear the thought of losing her again. He would not be able to live with it, he knew that and that was not something that could ever change. 

Even though the more he thought about it the more unreasonable the idea seemed he couldn't completely shake it off him. He had to look into Esther's eyes once again and reassure himself that she was not going anywhere. Which is why when he received a note from her that morning, he swung his heavy coat on his shoulders and rushed out to the church before another heartbeat took birth in him. 

He had merely stormed down the stairs when a butler halted in front of him and Edward barely stopped in time to not knock him off his feet. The most enraged grunt escaped his mouth before he could even calm himself down enough to make words and express his displeasure.

"What!?" He growled soon after and the man took almost five steps back in fright. 

"Yell not at him brother, he is merely delivering Lawrence's letter, redirected from Buckingham," Eleanor stepped in to save the butler from Edward's wrath, she, unlike him looked fresh, groomed and ready to attend a wedding. "Where are you going anyway?" 

"Put the letter in my room, Eleanor, I will read it when I am back." Edward managed from behind clenched jaws and pushed the ground with his toes again to resume his flight when Eleanor interrupted him again.