double take | renmin

1

  I was standing outside of the cafe that Renjun was working part time for. His shift was ending soon, and we planned to meet up after his shift. I looked around and sat down at one of the empty black and brown tables scattered around the patio. I inhaled the nutty scent of coffee surrounding me, and took in the blue painted sky that had been covered in grey clouds due to the recent poor weather. 

"Jaemin-ah, I'm here." I turned around facing the entrance to the cafe and immediately met eyes with Renjun. The boy that I recently couldn't stop thinking about. Today he looked pretty as usual, but his eyes had bags underneath them, from lack of sleep. Renjun was a hard worker and a good student. With the exit exams coming up, I was worried that Renjun wasn't getting enough sleep and rest. 

"Renjun, you should really sleep more." I sighed, standing up and sliding my phone into my jeans pocket. "I know, but I really have to get into a good college or my parents will kill me. Plus, college still isn't exactly affordable for me, right now. Not everyone's rich, Jaemin." 

I groaned, because we'd had this conversation before already, and the two of us started walking to my car. "I told you, I'll help you pay for your college if you like. Any college in the world, I'll be happy to help my friend." Friend. That word stung my chest as soon as it left my mouth. I shouldn't feel this way, because we're friends afterall. I was never supposed to see Renjun in that way, but something about the way he talks, or the way he smiles made me helplessly fall for my best friend. 

"It's okay, Jaemin. Things will work out, somehow. It's not something you should be worrying about, so I can figure it out on my own." I opened the door on my side and sat down, waiting patiently for Renjun to sit down in the passenger's seat. Maybe he's right. It isn't my job to worry about his future but, him being one of- if not the person I love most in the world, I felt responsible for his well being. If there was anything I could do, I wanted to do it, for him. He sat down and it became quiet, both of us feeling exhausted from school, and from having this repetitive conversation. "I'm here for you, alright?" I tried one last time. 

"I know, Jaemin." He shifted in his seat uncomfortably, avoiding my eye contact, though I knew he could feel me staring. I sighed and started the car, carefully pulling out of the parking space and heading towards my house.

The next few minutes of the car ride were filled with uneasy silence until Renjun asked if he could play some music. I told him he could, and passed him the USB input, so he could connect his phone with my car's stereo sound system. Fools byTroye Sivan started playing and Renjun started to softly hum along, while I just listened intently. I always knew Renjun had a knack for singing, but he often denied it saying "anyone can sing". Other times, he would say thanks and continue to sing more passionately.

We chatted quietly about everyday things, things we've been into these days and topics we hadn't discussed recently over the music until we reached my house. We both got out and I unlocked the door, and kicked off my shoes with Renjun doing the same. He'd been to my house multiple times, because my parents were almost never home, and when they were, they were usually busy making phone calls, and working in their offices or in the study. Like Renjun and I were talking about earlier, my family was pretty wealthy, but there was a certain price we had to pay for that, and unfortunately, it was our family's relationship. I couldn't remember the last time all three of us (my mom, dad and I) sat down at the dinner table and ate a home cooked meal together without it being some fancy, unneeded, overpriced outing.

"I'm home!" I called, and unexpectedly there was an answer coming from the kitchen along with a warm aroma of home cooking. "Jaemin! Your home early! How was your day?" I heard rushed voice ask from the kitchen, slowly getting louder as footsteps toward us followed. I looked at Renjun who just looked a bit taken aback, while I was still surprised that anyone was home at all. My mother appeared after turning a corner making herself visible. 

"Oh" she said. Dissapointment laced in her voice. "You have a guest, I thought we could have  a family dinner, just the three of us." She looked at Renjun unhappily, "but if you have a guest, then.." her voice trailed off, most likely expecting me to send Renjun home. At this point, he was biting his lip feeling uncomfortable at his first encounter with any of my family members. I felt sorry for him. His first time meeting my mother, and it was already one with more of an uncomfortable feeling. 

"Oh, I actually just remembered that I have that thing, that thing that I'm late for, so I guess I should leave to attend that thing." Renjun suddenly claimed, rubbing the back of his head awkwardly. I sighed and shook my head, gently reaching for Renjun's wrist. 

"You don't have to go, yet. We promised to hangout today and it's been ages." I pleaded, ignoring my mother's presence. It was true, ever since Renjun got the part time job at the cafe, we've been hanging out less, and even less now that the exit exams were coming up. Renjun shook his head. "No, really. You should have dinner with your family." I stared long and hard into Renjun's eyes, searching for any sign of insincerity or dissapointment, but I couldn't find any, so I gave up.

"Fine, if you insist. I'll drive you." My mother opened her mouth as if to object, but quickly shut it again when I glared at her. It wasn't that I didn't like my parents, I just didn't love them. They were never here for me, why should I love them, when it didn't feel like they loved me? 

When we made it back to the car, Renjun glared at me. "What did I do now?" I groaned. "You know that you shouldn't drive me, you're just stalling, because you don't wanna eat with your parents, aren't you?" He crossed his arms over his chest after putting his seatbelt on. I always watched from the corner of eye to make sure that he wore his seatbelt, I wouldn't start the car unless he did. 

He formed a cute pout on his lips, forcing me to hold myself back from just leaning closer to the smaller boy and press my own lips against his. I couldn't though. No matter how anyone looked at it, I couldn't possibly do that because, I'm just his friend, best friend at least, but it would be so unusual for me to kiss him with a cheesy grin and pull apart, patting him on the head and say "no homo". 

I sighed and leaned back in my chair while I pulled out of my parking space. "Yeah, Renjunnie." I smiled tenderly at the pouting male and for a second, I wished things were different. 

"I could say I never dare to think about you in that way but, I would be lying"

Word count: 1263 words