degenerate - bja

13

october 26, 1989
coopers pov

THE PAST FEW WEEKS were what some would call normal. back at school on monday, after homecoming, we carried on as usual. separating for the classes we didn't have together, meeting up again at lunch, laughing together in math. we were that one group of friends that clogged up the hallways, even though we tried not to.

but there were the very subtle differences, maybe even subconscious ones. angelina, rose, tre, and mike most definitely didn't notice them. billie probably didn't even notice them, god knows how much of the time he was stoned out of his mind. i hoped, though, that there was someone who noticed. like they saw when mike would look at me when we were all laughing, when his hand would brush against mine more when we were clumped together. mostly i wished someone saw when billie would sheepishly glance at me from across the lunch tables, or how he would always find himself one one side of me when we walk, those especially.

for the first time in my life i found myself being distracted by thoughts of boys in class. for all my teenage years, i prided myself on not being "boy crazy." in middle school i almost never shut up about it, but now i was a little embarrassed and stuck with people thinking im a lesbian (which wouldn't be bad, im just not). So, to draw my attention away from that, i started reading more. my family couldn't afford to rent or buy tapes all the time, so i couldn't be a film junky. but i could be that one pretentious kid reading books at lunch — and i found myself there often.

at the time i was reading catcher in the rye, reading it in art actually. i was supposed to be painting another nature picture, but i wasn't really feeling it. so instead, i was reading.

"whatcha reading?" a familiar boy-ish voice asked. peering over the top of the easel were billie's alluring yet dismal green eyes.

"can't you read?" i retorted, gesturing to the cover of the book. "catcher in the rye."

"god i hate that book. i had to read it at my old school." he scoffed and looked farther over the easel. "i relate to holden i guess though. cause he's annoying and hiding that he's a burnout from his parents n' shit — well, mine already know im a failure."

i shook my head and closed the book, making sure to dog-ear my page. "tsk. come on billie, you're not a failure. school fucking sucks anyway. i dont think anyone really cares about how they do, they only do it for their parents and stuff, y'know?" he stayed silent, keeping his eyes on the my painting sketch. "and besides, the people that don't care are the bravest. they're the ones that have to deal with everyone calling them a dumbass."

he shrugged, a slight smirk appearing on his face.

he walked over and took my book from my hands and hid it behind his back. i tried to grab it but didn't want to be a pest. "are you going to that one girls halloween party?" he asked.

"who's?" i started to putter around with some paints to avoid his tantalizing gaze.

"allison... something."

i physically cringed. "no way. she bullied me relentlessly throughout middle school. plus she's just a complete and utter bitch. i mean, rose heard her calling me and angelina skanks in the bathroom once even though im literally a fucking virgin." i stopped in my tracks, i got so worked up that accidentally admitted a very private detail. i felt my cheeks get hot and i continued to 'mindlessly' clean up the art supplies.

i felt his eyes divert from the back of my head to the floor. "oh shit. girl drama." maybe he was just as embarrassed as i was. maybe he wasn't as big of a cocky jerk i thought he was.

"i wouldn't call it that. she's just a generally mean person, it's not a girl thing." and no more was said on the virgin subject.

"but back to halloween, i think im probably just gonna go trick or treating."

"trick or treating?" he asked as if i had just said i still drank out of bottles.

"yeah?" i didn't see the problem.

"arent you like, not supposed to trick or treating after youre 14?"

"meh," i shrugged my shoulders. "it's an excuse to get free candy."

"yes but, cant people just deny you candy if they think you're too old?" he pressed.

"i mean, maybe, but they would seem like a total dick. but back to where this all started, im not going to allison's party."

i could have sworn i saw his face fall a little, but before i could be sure he turned back to his own painting.

on the bus ride home, i wondered if i had been too bitchy about allison. i mean she was a bitch, but billie was new, and he was allowed to form his own opinions on people.

none of the guys have joined me on the bus since that one day they invited me to the field. apparently they have never even taken the bus, and that day mike somehow got my bus route and convinced tre to ride it with him so they could talk to me more about the field.

my thoughts trailed off. shit, i didn't even have a halloween costume yet. i could just be a cat or something i guess, maybe i could look in my moms closet or something.

A/N: i never understood how people take more than a year to finish a story but know i very much get it. i literally started this story almost a year ago wtf. time flies when you have no motivation to write