By His Wounds: The Passion of Our Lord Jesus Christ

Judas Returns the Silver

Judas Returns the Silver

Watching from a distance was already hard enough. Judas didn't even know why he was in the court with the rest, including Jesus. He should be out, spending his thirty pieces of silver, not leaning up against a pillar and watching this mutiny. Judas had had plans for that money, but now it really didn't seem to matter. Those...high priests had promised Judas that they only wished to speak to Jesus, nothing else. They were breaking their promise. Just talk? Jesus was beaten so much he could hardly stand. And Judas had seen him cry--he'd seen that tear fall. Never, in all the three years Judas had known Jesus, had he seen his Master cry (except when Lazarus had died). Jesus had always been so loving and happy, even when someone was dead, for then he would raise them; or ill, for then he would cure them; or trying to test him, for Jesus would then prove the Pharisees wrong. When Judas had been trying to prevent those children from pestering Jesus, Jesus had replied with a "Let the children come to me" statement. Let them come? Even when they were pestering? Judas couldn't believe it.

And he couldn't believe what was going on now. He had to find the high priest, Caiphas. He had to.

Hurrying away from the mob, Judas didn't watch where he was going. He ran into a woman accompanied by a man. When the man turned, Judas saw it was John. And when the woman turned, it was Mary, Jesus' mother. Mary had been weeping, and her eyes were puffy from the effect of such an emotional action. Her head tilted in sadness at the sight of one of her Son's Apostles.

Judas didn't know whether or not she knew that he had betrayed Jesus. Regardless, Mary reached her delicate hand up to his face and caressed it. Her caring touch nearly brought Judas to tears. He shook his head quickly and rushed past the Holy Mother, knowing full well what he had just done to her. Judas had to set it right. Not with God. No. No way could Judas face the wrath of Jesus' if he even drew near to him. Surely Jesus would be angry...wouldn't he? Judas wasn't about to find out. He would set this right, but not with God—with Caiphas.

Caiphas was found by Judas outside of the court, fumbling with his torn garments. Upon spotting Judas, the high priest scoffed and glared. "What is it that you want? Can't you see that I am busy? Lekh mipo. Spend your silver."

"I don't want your damn silver!" Judas shouted. "Release that man. Jesus of Nazareth. He has done nothing wrong. And you said you only wished to speak with him. That is not speaking with him! Let him go."

"What is it to you? You have your silver. That blasphemer is no longer your concern. Now leave. Tamshikh."

Leave? Without taking back the silver and letting Jesus go? No, this wasn't the way it was supposed to turn out. Caiphas was supposed to take back the silver and have Judas forgiven of his stupid act of betrayal. That way, Judas wouldn't have to go and be sorry in front of Jesus. He couldn't do that. Not ever. Not after he followed Jesus for three years, betrayed him, and then what? Asked for forgiveness? It was too late for Judas to be forgiven, and he knew that.

Angry, scared, and desperate, Judas grabbed the money bag near his side, loosened the string, reached his hand in, and threw the silver at the high priests. Each coin erupted in a loud noise and echoed off the walls of the temple area. The money scattered and twirled near the feet of the high priests.

At that moment, Judas remembered something Jesus had told others: No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.

Well, Judas wasn't going to serve either. He couldn't serve God now, not after what he did, and he obviously wasn't going to serve money anymore, for it lay at the feet of the priests.

Glaring once more, Judas hurried away from Caiphas and the rest. He had to get away. To where? Judas didn't know. Not to Jesus, not to the other Apostles. Just somewhere where he could get away.