The Thing About Samuel

Chapter Twenty-Seven - Samuel

Samuel - June 2019

'Let's split up into teams and we can all search for a treasure that the other team have hidden. The first team back here wins, and their meals are free tonight for our final night,' Joe's dad outlined.
​That really wasn't a motivation for Sam or Billy though, seeing as though the parents would be paying for their meal regardless, but all the kids were thankful for something different to do that didn't involve climbing another mountain, or just sitting in the pub all day.
​When it had come to choosing partners they had all picked names out of a hat, Sam offering a piece of paper from his mum's notebook and his pen to write out all the slips of paper that would then be folded and put into his dad's fleece hat. As the names were being drawn, he was secretly hoping that he would either be paired with Joe, Isla, or his dad. The three least awkward pairings he could fathom.
​Billy hadn't spoken to him since the kiss with Isla yesterday, despite it being his dare that had led to Sam having to do so. And Sam couldn't figure out why Billy was annoyed at him ... again!
​Either way, of course they had been paired together. Sam had known it was going to happen even after the first name was drawn (Karen...) and then had to listen as his dad, Joe, and finally Isla were paired off.
​They had been tasked first with hiding one belonging from their rival team. He and Billy had been pit against Arty and Karen. And their item to hide, a case for Arty's headphones. So essentially, they were looking to hide an oversized sock somewhere in the wilderness of Wasdale Head with, now, next to no value. Oh well, it was a game after all.
​'Where shall we go?' Sam had finally broken the icy silence between him and Billy when it became more obvious just how quiet they were both being as they stepped out the back of the campsite and started down the path towards the lake.
​Billy shrugged.
​And again, they fell into the coldest, darkest, depths of the lake of silence. Sam couldn't imagine a place icier than the tense air surrounding him and Billy right now, so much so that he had to zip his coat up and pull his hat further over his head.
​Sam observed Billy from the few steps behind where he walked. His friend's shoulders seemed lower than usual, his head faced the floor, rather than the usual excitement that Billy had for adventure forcing him to be constantly looking around them, and most importantly, he wasn't looking back for Sam, or joking, or smiling... Sam missed his best friend.
​He pushed the nerves and awkwardness aside and willed his feet to move forward to catch up with Billy. If it triggered his anxiety or not, if it knocked him way outside of his comfort zone, Sam had to make some effort to chat to Billy properly. A secret with a time limit was already in the mind of someone in this camp, so what more could possibly go wrong?
​'What about up there?' Sam levelled by Billy's side and pointed up ahead.
​They had now reached the gravel path that led back to Lake Wast Water. To the left, the sheer cliff face. To the right, the road that led out of the campsite, weaving its way between rocks, over mounds, and disappearing into the greenish shadows of the woods. Emerging from the roadside were various rocks and small clearings that formed the banks of the lake on that side. Some were lower and water washed over them, others grew into the sky. Sam pointed to one of these slightly higher clearings probably the height of him and Billy on each other's shoulders, doubled from the waters' surface.
​'Sure.'
​'I think we will need to go around the edge of the lake to get back to the road then follow it up from there. Come on.' Sam opted for a heightened cheerful optimism to coax Billy from his cloud of misery.
​Thankfully, as Sam quickened the pace, the shale and water crunching and squelching underfoot, he could hear Billy's breathing getting a little heavier. Careful not to trigger an asthma or heart attack, as that was naturally where Sam's mind went on hearing the increased breathing depth, he pressed on. He found a little comfort in knowing that his friend must still care a little bit as he was making the effort to keep up with him.
​After around fifteen minutes, their feet landed on the sound-dampening and cushioned mossy floor that sprouted and carpeted the top of the clearing. In places, water rose as their feet pressed down, but then to one side was a collection of rocks.
​'A perfect place to hide a coveted item if ever there was one, eh?' Sam smiled to Billy.
​Billy was now red in the face, his cheeks looking as though they had been painted on, and his fringe a little moist against his forehead. He started to flail his arms by his sides trying to reach for the water bottle that sat in one of the mesh pockets on the side of his bag.
​Sam moved towards him, reached around the side of his friend's bag, pulled out the bottle, and handed it to him.
​'Thanks,' Billy muttered, quickly moving his eyes to the lake and downing gulps from his bottle.
​Sam moved over to the rocks and together they formed a circle from the smaller stones that they found around them. He placed the headphone case in the middle and then noticed one more stone to one side that would neatly fill the gap on top of the ring of rocks.
​'Billy, help me lift this rock to put on top. It'll cover it up.'​
​'Like a tomb for a headphone case,' Billy offered. Sam hid his surprise well. If he reacted too much to the slight inkling of a sign that his best friend was still somewhere inside that oversized jacket then he may retreat like a turtle into its shell.
​They both squatted either side of the rock, feeling its coarse surface in their palms, and counted.
​'One. Two. Three. Lift!'
​They braced, lifted, and breathed through pursed lips as they manoeuvred the rock to close the gap over the top of the headphone case.
​ And then they sat, on a large flat rock, and looked out over the lake. In the late morning, the sun was still hidden behind the clouds above, and in turn cast a greyness over the whole of Wasdale head, only broken by the luscious green of the trees and moss, and the deep, inky blue of the lake.
​'It's so quiet isn't it?' Billy broke the silence.
​Sam was grateful, but again, turtle came to mind. 'Yeah.'
​They both drank from their water bottles, the gentle breeze that floated through the air nipping at their faces. Sam could feel the tips of his nose, feet and fingers starting to feel the effect of their bodies cooling down now that they were sat, rather than pacing away from the campsite.
​'Where do you think they put your game?' Sam asked.
​When it had come to nominating the special items that would be hidden, Sam had ensured to quickly steal away to his backpack and conceal his mum's notebook inside his jumper until it was over. Nobody else would see the significance in hiding the notebook, apart from maybe his dad who would no doubt gallantly advise Sam that nothing would happen to it – but other than it being something his mum had owned, it also had notes on everyone in the camp, and their potential motives to write Sam the note.
​Billy had finally offered one of his Nintendo Switch games to be hidden, however, much like Arty, he had insisted on removing the cartridge from inside. Even now, Sam could feel the squareness of the notebook in the inside pocket of his hoodie, hidden beneath his coat.
​'Who knows! It was only the case though, I rarely use them it was just because it might rain that I brought them here,' Billy explained, with a half-smile in Sam's direction.
​It was time. He had to ask Billy. It was driving Sam's anxiety mad not understanding the boy before him anymore. At any other given second prior to this camping trip he and Billy would be sure to be on the same wavelength, two peas in a very geeky pod. But now, all he saw was a friend, maybe not even that, who was struggling to even look at him.
​'Billy... Have I done something wrong?' Sam braved.
​Inside, he tensed, bracing himself for the onslaught of anything Billy might say. He could take this. Stay calm and breathe. As Billy would speak, just keep the same pattern. Breathe in for three, out for five. No matter what he said, don't let the pace quicken.
​'It's...' Billy started.
​Sam felt his heart instantly try to gear up.
Thump...Thump...Thump...Thump.
​'Is it the kiss? Is it Joe?' Sam couldn't help but try and help Billy say what he needed to by guessing what might have annoyed him in the last day. When they were climbing the mountain he thought he had his best friend back again, but maybe that was all a ploy? A trick to get Sam to play into the dare? So then why would it annoy Billy if he got what he wanted? Sam kissed Isla (for all intents and purposes). Naturally, Sam knew the truth was that the kiss was very much Isla led.
​'I think it's me,' Billy winced.
​Sam saw the pain of the words flash across his face. He didn't lift his rosy cheeks or warm eyes to meet Sam. He just stared forward, into the lake.
​'You?' Sam questioned, genuinely surprised.
​'I... I wanted you to kiss Isla.'
​The words entered Sam's ears, rattled around inside, and left him more confused.
​'I don't understand why. Did you know Joe liked her?'
​Billy turned to face him for the first time. 'He does?'
​Sam nodded. 'He does. That's what he asked me out behind the back of the pub last night. If I could help him get to know Isla.'
​Sam didn't mind right now if this was too much information to give away. It probably was a secret, and only after he had said it did he realise that. And Joe had vowed to keep Sam's secret a secret...
​'I guess that wasn't hard to guess, though.'
​Sam let out a sigh of relief. 'I wasn't meant to say.'
​'Don't worry. I won't tell him. He's always following her, and I saw him swap the names to make sure he got on her team for this silly game. So... don't have to be Sherlock Holmes to figure that one out.' Billy took in a deep inhale and exhaled slowly.
​'I wanted you to kiss Isla to see if it made you realise anything.'
​'What would I realise?'
​Thump.. Thump.. Thump.. Thump..
​The pace quickened. Three in, five out, two in, three out... Did he know? And did that mean... did Billy write the note?
​Billy let out a sigh through gritted teeth. 'I don't want to say it, Sam. Maybe you know?'
​Billy turned to Sam, his brown eyes glazed over with what could have been tears. He was upset. Or scared?
​'What is it, Billy?'
​He shook his head, wiped his eyes, and stood up. Slowly he moved forward, pinching his hands as he walked. Sam looked up at the back of his friend and recognised this behaviour. Hands pinching. Feet shifting. Teary eyed. His friend was scared. He was anxious. Something was troubling him and perhaps it wasn't about Sam at all. He pushed to his feet and met Billy on the edge of the clearing. Down below them the water of the lake brushed over the pebbles like a brush applying a clear paint to a wall.
​'I think it's me, Sam. I didn't like it when you were getting close to Isla. I found it difficult that you and her had some kind of secret. And then you and Joe. And the kiss with Isla... It made me realise something.'
​His lip began to tremble, and Sam noticed Billy furiously pinching his palm. Reaching out, he took the warm, and raw, hand of his best friend and held it. They hadn't done this before, but right now, this felt right.
​'Whatever it is, Billy. I'm here. I'm your best friend.'
​Billy snapped to face Sam and pulled his hand away.
​'But what if I want more than that?'
​Tears broke from his eyes, and he began to sob. Slowly, he fell back into a seated position on the rock, the large bag on his back propping him up to stop him from falling back flat.
​Sam watched as his friend cried but couldn't instantly move to his side to help him. Rooted to the spot by the words that Billy spoke. What if I want more than that?
​'Wh-What do you mean?' Sam spoke, but felt as though it came out in no more than a whisper, taken away by the faint stream of air running through the air. 'You okay, Billy?'
​Billy did a loud sniffle, wiped his nose on his arm, and then raised his face so Sam could see it all – now his red cheeks had spread to two more rings around his eyes, and dried tear streams still marked their way down to his lips and over his chin.
​'I mean it. I'm here for you whatever it is.'
​'I don't think you'll understand...'
​'I will.' And he would. If Billy was about to say what Sam thought then he might possibly be the one person in this campsite that would totally understand. 'Promise.'
​'But I don't want to lose you,' Billy confessed. 'As a friend.'
​'Tell me.'
​Sam placed his hand on his friends again and this time Billy didn't pull it away.
​Billy's jaw clenched, a sure-fire sign that he was biting back more tears. He breathed in, shakily. And Sam couldn't help but join in with the slow outbreath that followed.
​'It's hard to explain, and I don't know when it started. Or when it happened. And after the summer we're going to be in different classes at college and for the first time I won't see you every day.'
​Sam moved from the floor to sit beside Billy on the rock. Billy didn't look at Sam, he had now opted for a slightly awkward stance and stared out over the lake again.
​'And I... I think I like you, Sam.'
​Billy looked at Sam from the corner of his eyes, and Sam took a deep inbreath, and held it.
​This was too unreal. This couldn't be happening, could it? It seemed like a slim chance, but could the note have come from Billy if this were true? Would the note have been his way of trying to let Sam know it was okay and all this time he had it wrong? The note wasn't meant to be to scare him, it was to let him know he wasn't alone. That someone liked him...
​'I knew it. I've scared you haven't I?' Billy added, and Sam realised he had been sat in silence for the past minute.
​'No, no. You haven't.' Sam turned to face Billy. 'When did you know?'
​Billy lifted his shoulders then scrunched up his left cheek and eye in thought. 'That's the thing. I don't think I do.'
​Another revelation. Sam persevered. 'So... you're not sure?'
​'I found it difficult when I saw you with Isla, and then with Joe. And whenever you're not in the room I find myself looking for you. And then that night when we got here, in the pub. I didn't mean to touch your hand, but it felt nice, for that brief second. It feels nice.' His eyes slowly and tentatively looked to his knee where their hands were tightly pressed together at the moment.
​'But I've never felt like this before. I never saw you that way before. And then coming here, and away from everything going on at home... I don't know. I started to feel things. But you're my best friend, and I don't want that to change.' Billy shuffled his body and heavy backpack around to face Sam. 'It won't, will it?'
​Sam looked at the innocence and worry pooling in Billy's eyes. If anything, this would only bring them closer. Sam could not share his secret right now, but maybe he could find a final clue to enter into his notebook...
​'It won't. Can I ask you something, though?'
​'Anything,' Billy sniffled.
​'Did you write this down? Or try to tell me before?' Sam opted for a slightly vague phrasing of the question in the hope that if Billy didn't write the note, he wouldn't ask too many questions.
​'I thought about telling you and wanted to. I was going to tell you on the mountain but then chickened out and ended up suggesting the stupid game and the stupid kiss...'
​'It's fine, Billy. Don't worry about that now. I'm glad you told me. I won't tell anyone else about this.' Joe's words echoed in Sam's head. 'It's your secret to tell.'
​Billy pressed his lips into a smile. 'Thanks Sam. At least until I figure out exactly what this is.'
​'Of course.' Sam squeezed Billy's hand then let go. 'Shall we head back to the camp now? I reckon we will be hunting ours soon.'
​Sam moved past Billy to head back to the path, but Billy grabbed his hand once again, and their eyes met.
​'Thanks, Sam. And I'm sorry for being crappy with you... I really didn't want to be, but something consumed me. But it feels a lot better to have told you.'
​Sam grinned. 'I'm glad, Billy.'
​And as he heard the words again, he only wished he had taken the chance to tell Billy everything. Perhaps if he could tell someone everything, then he would feel that same lifted-weight relief. Alas, Billy smiled back, and then moved past him and beckoned for Sam to follow. The opportunity to open up to Billy had passed, and anyway, it felt right that way. This was Billy's moment. Sam's would come soon enough. He hoped.