The Tiff Singularity (A Collection of Lake Wonder Fiction)

Spinning Decay Journal Entry #2 (Denny)

I didn't sleep last night so much as "try to sleep and then just get up at two to finish packing the car." I opted to leave my gun behind, which was something Dad objected to. You'd think he would be a little weirder about me hunting monsters, given what he thinks of me in the first place.

Actually, we don't know that this is a monster. I'm just assuming it's a monster. (And even monsters can be sentient, and the classifications can be dubious-- and, yes, I'm quoting certain other people I know here. Sue me. We all know I'm not going to have the words to object to things like that by myself. It's not plagiarism if nobody ever reads it.)

We ended up sitting out on the front steps. He took over Mom's chair, which I guess is fine, since she wasn't up yet anyway, so it wasn't like she needed to sit in it. We didn't really talk. We just kind of sat there until it was time to pick everyone up and head out to the woods to meet that Lacy person. I don't know how much they know about us, so I'm going to... well, I've been keeping some things pretty close to my chest. I think the tides may be turning. The less people who know about what I am, the better. (It doesn't help that I'm so bad at keeping secrets.)

Well, we headed up just like we said we would, and hiked through the woods. This place has the worst fucking smell-- and that's saying something, because I did accidentally open up a bag of mold in the dumpster behind the school a few days ago (because someone was convinced there was an animal in there, not because I wanted to), and I smelled Nisse, and both of those things reek to high heaven. This place is also full of spiders. There's just... there's an ungodly amount of spiders. And we're going to follow this big-ass one into the woods.

This entire time, everyone has been doing their thing. Robin has been doing magic out the wazoo, Drake volunteered to become a spider, Lucky went ahead and decided to go back away from here to do some research, Lacy's fucking great at the guiding thing... And there's this huge patch of dead woods with webs all over it. Spiders everywhere, dead trees (not hibernating, dead). At one point, Robin did this spell to hide us? Amazing. Absolutely amazing. And I'm still here, even though I'm not sure I can do much to help everyone. I don't think they really need me all that much. I'm not sure why they asked me to come along.

It's not that I don't want to help. Don't get me wrong. I came out here with the express intent of doing just that, of protecting everyone. But how can I protect people who are infinitely more competent than me and who won't accept what I'm offering? And how can I protect Drake if he turns into a spider and runs off? How can I protect Lucky if she goes back to the station with Lacy (like they did just a bit ago)? How can I protect Robin if they're infinitely capable of taking care of themself? How can I protect anyone if they know what a monster, a creature, and a potential danger I am-- especially if they hear about what happened when Betty inevitably gets back from where I used to go to school?

No... I suppose none of them really need protecting. But I thought Jenny didn't need a whole lot of protecting, and we all know what happened to her. Well, at the very least, I can give everyone crackers, right? Providing is a form of protection. That's what Mom's always said, and I think it's pretty true. I don't think I'm good for much of anything else, anyway. I can't stop asking myself why I'm here, when there've got to be a thousand other people in this godforsaken town who could do this shit better than me. And I keep ruining things. Like, I caught Drake when he wanted to go into the woods and figure shit out. I picked up Nisse (and I'm pretty sure both the cat and Robin hate me, which is insane, because I'm not even that dog-like).

But it's whatever. We're going to follow the spider into the middle of the woods, and Lucky is going to do research, and we're going to save the forest, and we're going to keep whatever is stealing whatever from doing what it's doing, and we'll all be fine. And I'm trying not to think about the things that could go wrong, like how Robin and Drake could get hurt (and it would be my fault because I don't have the best track record with that), or how Lucky could get hurt on the way back, or how everything I have ever run from could come catching up to me-- so I won't think about it. I'll do what I can. And I won't squish the spiders who are apparently nice now? You know what, protection extends to people outside my normal range. It extends to those who need it. I don't mind. Everything is going to be fine.